What to Do When You Feel Like “Just Roommates” in Marriage

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“We’re like two ships passing in the night…”

It’s a phrase I hear surprisingly often when couples are talking about their interactions with one another.

In other words, you coexist around each other. When it comes down to it, there’s not much space or even desire for intimacy. You’re not “in the mood.”

Does it describe your marriage?

Tracey Hocking

It’s easy to coexist when your life is full, whether with babies and sleep deprivation or older kids and their accompanying activity schedules. You and your spouse might even make a pretty good team. But what about not too far down the road (it’s really not), when your kids are grown, and it’s just you and your man, night after night? The divorce rate for empty nesters has been rising steadily.

Some marriages don’t even make it to the empty nest stage. When partners aren’t getting their intimacy needs met within the marriage, it becomes all the more natural to slip into infidelity. Yes, even in Christian marriages—I’ll bet you can name a few yourself.

This is why it’s a strong conviction of mine and my husband’s to fight for our marriage — even when we’re busy and exhausted.

If you’re getting a little nervous about where your marriage is or where it’s headed, don’t worry. It’s never too late to change course and work towards intimacy.

If you’re not okay with being “just roommates,” there are two things you must work on constantly in your marriage relationship.

Continue reading this post by clicking over to Equipping Godly Women: When You and Your Husband Feel More Like Roommates Than Lovers

Hey, I'm Gina!

Gina M Poirier

I’m a wife and mom of five, with kids ages toddler to teenager. I’m created in the image of God, made whole in Jesus. In this online space, I help others overcome the overwhelm all of us face when navigating this messy, beautiful journey we call life. Want to join us?

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  1. Steve

    I been married 30 out of that no sex life 27 years yes you read it right I am a guy 57 wife 69 she is older me. I like to have a sex life but she doesn’t care about sex so why try if she isn’t in the mood. Thinking about finding a place to live by myself it has taken its toll on me. Someone give me some advice.

    • Gina Poirier

      Hi Steve, that sounds really tough. I think with that many years of history I would highly recommend you talk to a licensed professional about your relationship as well as your own emotional well-being.


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