Stress Management Archives – Page 2 of 3

Mommy Brain Fix: How To Choose Rest for Your Heart and Mind

September 28, 2017 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Got mommy brain? I hope you’ll enjoy the third post in this series on choosing rest. Check out the first two posts: 1. Feeling Overwhelmed? Choose Rest for a More Peaceful Life and 2. Always Tired? How To Choose Rest for Your Body.

If you want to learn more about how to choose rest and get updates to the series as they come out, be sure to sign up for the Choose Rest Challenge by clicking below!

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

Nicole Harrington

On any given day, I have been known to misplace my keys, phone, wallet, purse, watch, glasses and a number of small accessories. I find myself spacing out during important conversations and making thoughtless decisions. And like many women in my station in life, I identify a single culprit.

Mommy brain: The phenomenon known to mothers where their brains become useless piles of goo after being around their children for too long (Urban Dictionary).

Funny as it is, there is actually scientific evidence that overstimulation, in combination with sleep deprivation (again, see Part 2 of this series), does in fact turn your brain into a useless pile of goo as far as intellectual capacity is concerned.

Not only do we have the normal pressures of stress and sleep deprivation that just come with the role, modern moms have another factor working against them. What do you do when you have a moment of breathing room in the middle of your day? I’ll admit it: I reach for my phone.

But it’s like drinking saltwater when I’m already dehydrated. While there’s nothing wrong with checking in with an app or a message, it does little to nothing to provide the recharge that my heart and mind desperately need. What’s more, it can actually hurt me.

Consider this:

Excessive social media use interferes with clear thinking and decision-making and leads to lower self-control, impulsive buying and poor eating decisions.
It’s also associated with higher BMI, binge eating, a lower credit score and credit card debt.
“Milkshake multitasking” (specifically overstimulation from screens) prevents focused thought, which opens us to shallow judgments and decisions, along with passive mindlessness. (Source: Switch On Your Brain by Caroline Leaf)

To sum it up, we have a lot of factors working against us. That’s why we need to be very mindful about how we combat mental overstimulation in our hectic lives.

How to Banish Mommy Brain

I’ll be clear: electronics or being around our kids 24/7 isn’t the heart of the problem.

The problem is not prioritizing rest for our hearts and minds (in addition to more sleep).

It’s called wakeful rest. You’re not asleep, but your mind is disengaged from stimulation. You might be surprised at just how refreshing it is to just give your mind permission to wander.

Amazing things can happen when you daydream. (Personally, this is why I enjoy a looooong shower). Your brain processes everything that is jostling around in there. You start solving problems and having original ideas. You can approach the next task without feeling completely taxed.

If you don’t have that space, your brain can’t process all that it’s taking in over a given day (or longer). Combine this with sleep deprivation, and you have a guaranteed recipe for chronic mommy brain.

Sidenote: you might want to retain a little control when your mind wanders. If you’re prone to depression and anxiety, I suggesting learning practices for guiding your thoughts in positive and productive directions.

Related post: How I Manage Anxiety with 5 Calming Steps

Remember that leaving space for mental rest also gives you opportunity to pray and surrender all of your thoughts to God. Be sure to stay tuned for Part 4 of this series to learn more about that.

Strategies for Mental/Emotional Rest

I know it’s hard to practice this kind of rest. I’m a work-at-home, homeschooling mom; quiet time for my mommy brain seems like an impossible dream on some days.

But here are a few suggestions for creating that much-needed space:

Have set hours in your daily schedule when screens are off and phones are out of reach.
Turn off your phone’s app notifications.
When your mind is feeling taxed, give yourself permission to just stop what you’re doing and reflect or pray for a few minutes before continuing on with your task.
Leave space in your daily schedule for breathing room. Don’t just jam as many tasks as possible into your limited free time. (Not sure where to fit it in? See How a 7-Day Time Log Helped Me Get My Daily Schedule Under Control)
Ask for help when you feel like your head is going to explode. Have your husband or another friend or family member watch your kids for as little as ten minutes so you can get some time to think and reset.
Find an enjoyable, restful activity outside of scrolling through your phone that you can do during down times, whether that’s listening to music, crocheting, gardening, cooking, etc.

For me, the biggest change I have made personally in this area is simply giving myself permission to stop and rest my busy mind. And because it’s a priority, I make sure that I have breathing room in my daily schedule.

Need help making rest a priority in your life? Sign up for the Choose Rest Challenge and get notified when the next posts in these series come out.

Next week, we’ll be talking about how to choose rest spiritually.

Always Tired? How To Choose Rest for Your Body

September 21, 2017 by Gina Poirier 2 Comments

Are you always tired? I hope you’ll enjoy this second post in this series on choosing rest. If you haven’t read the first post about how rest is a choice, check it out here. And if you want to learn more about how to choose rest and get updates to the series as they come out, be sure to sign up for the Choose Rest Challenge!

Confession: I have been known on more than one occasion to wish out loud that I just didn’t have to sleep. Just imagine all that I could get done! (Especially if my kids had to sleep and I didn’t.)

But alas, the mind is willing; the body is weak.

Trust me, I’ve tried to push the limits. I had many a late night in college. I thought I was a champion then, but a few years later babies came, a period which redefined the meaning of “sleep deprivation.”

My body was literally pushed to its limits in every sense of the word during the baby years. And you know what my response was? Tearful joy and gratitude Frustration. I felt like my rights and ownership of my time and energy were completely stripped away.

Even then, I’d try to calculate the minimum amount of sleep I needed to still feel like a human (somewhere around seven hours, I guessed—not too bad, right?). I’d set my alarm like a good disciplined mama should so I could get a good jump-start to my day, even though by the time afternoon hit I’d be reaching for my umpteenth cup of coffee to make it through.

The result was: I did “make it,” technically, with “just enough” rest. But it wouldn’t take much to tip me into a very cranky, self-centered fatigue. I also suffered from chronic back pain due to stress and inadequately rebuilding my muscle strength after three pregnancies in four years.

I share all these things with you to illustrate that for many years, I’ve had a problem when it comes to my body. And that problem is: I’m just not content with its natural limitations.

There are complex reasons why people might suffer from fatigue, and I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I do know that if you’re always tired, it is a signal from your body: pay attention to me! I need help!

The Answer When You’re Always Tired

While some people do have complicated and chronic health problems that contribute to fatigue (hang on for a minute if that’s you), for many of us it’s the result of our choices.

If you’re always tired, cranky and weak, it might be time to take a little pause and do some self-reflection. You are not a victim of your circumstances. No matter what stage of life you’re in, you are in charge of how you spend your limited time and energy.

Recently I got certified as a stress management coach. While my ultimate goal was to help others, I quickly learned that student #1 is me. And hands down, the biggest takeaway from my training was embarrassingly simple.

I need to sleep more.

As I’ve already explained, I have been in the habit of pushing my body to its limits since pretty much forever. But here’s the problem with that. Each night, your brain goes through several cycles as you sleep, typically about 90 minutes in length, which get increasingly longer over the course of a night. During the first part of each cycle, the rest is primarily regenerative for you body. For the second part (also called REM or dream sleep), it is for your brain.

Up until recently, I denied myself my last cycle of sleep. In other words, my brain didn’t get that last bit of regenerative time it has needed to function at full capacity. The result:

Crankiness/short patience
Increased anxiety/worry
Decreased mental sharpness/productivity
Memory loss
Frazzled mama/mommy brain
Lack of energy/motivation
You get the idea

And so I started making sleep a priority. Simple right? I now get 8–8 ½ hours most nights. And the difference is astounding. I can honestly say I don’t miss that extra hour in the day one bit because during my time awake I am so much more energized.

Strategies for More Sleep

I know, I know, you’ve got a million excuses for why you can’t make more time for sleep, or even if you do, you can’t fall to sleep. I never said it was easy. But consider some of the following strategies and see if you can’t make some small changes:

Increase the amount of time you sleep in small increments (in other words, don’t jump from five to eight hours a night because your body will not adjust well).
Experiment to find how much sleep you actually need versus what you’ve been forcing on yourself. Try to sleep as long as you can without an alarm (do the math; you’ll have to either get up later or get to bed earlier).
Stop drinking caffeine after lunch.
Turn off electronics at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
Follow a calming nighttime ritual. This might include activities that trigger your brain into “shut-down mode” like dumping all of your thoughts onto a piece of paper so you can save your worries for tomorrow. Make a mental “turn off” point.
Keep your bedroom cool, quiet, dark and tidy to make it more relaxing (if you have a night owl husband, I highly recommend earplugs and an eye mask!)
Go to bed and wake up at the same times each day.
If you have babies or other things that wake you up, try to compensate. Give yourself even more time to sleep in or go to bed earlier. Take short naps. Try to adjust your work schedule. Ask for help from your husband or support network so you can find the time you need to rest.
Keep a sleep diary and track your patterns throughout the day so you can identify what might be causing sleep deprivation (I recommend this one).

Now, as I said in the last section, some people are suffering from more complex health conditions, whether mental, physical, or often both. If this is you, seek help from a medical professional. If they don’t have the answers, ask another one. Don’t stop searching for answers.

These are all simple strategies. The hardest part is deciding, or giving yourself permission, to follow them.

Need help making rest a priority in your life? Sign up for the Choose Rest Challenge and get notified when the next posts in these series come out. Next week, we’ll be talking about how to choose rest mentally and emotionally.

If you’re always tired, how much sleep do you get a night? Which of these strategies will you try?

Feeling Overwhelmed? Choose Rest for a More Peaceful Life

September 14, 2017 by Gina Poirier 4 Comments

Feeling overwhelmed with the chaos of everyday life? I believe there’s a better way. That’s why I started this four part series on how you can choose rest. If you want to learn more about how to choose rest, be sure to sign up for the StressLESS free email course by clicking below!

This headline popped up in my Facebook newsfeed. I couldn’t resist clicking because this topic was so familiar to me. The reporter interviewed families and researchers to get a snapshot of the typical middle class American home: frantic schedules, more toys than people know what to do with, and a general attitude of “well that’s just the way it is.” I was sad to reach the end and see that there was no solution or hope offered; so many parents are simply feeling defeated.

I’ve been caught in that cycle myself.

Not too long ago, I was feeling overwhelmed as a mom of small children and just accepted that this was my lot in life. In 2013, I had three of them under the age of four. As they got older, the demands on my body, time and energy changed, but the stress level really didn’t. The clutter piled up throughout the house; our schedule got fuller with activities and demands. And I saw the direction we were headed as I watched some of my friends with older kids get swamped with life.

In 2016, I decided to make same changes. It started with cleaning out my closet and it’s still in process as I grapple with the biblical concept of rest.

To be honest, I can’t say that I’m completely out of the woods when it comes to everyday overwhelm and I doubt I ever will be. But there’s a difference in mindset that has made a profound difference in the way I look at my life.

Rest is a choice.

Luca Upper

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

Why To Choose Rest When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

Rest is not a new concept, but it is unfamiliar to many of us in the way we live. In Present Over Perfect, Shawna Niequist writes about the trap moms fall into; we “fake rest.” There’s no such thing as a lazy Sunday afternoon; we pack productivity into every margin of the day: folding laundry, wiping counters and catching up on phone calls. If we get that special moment to collapse into a nap it’s out of sheer necessity and we feel guilty afterwards.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Fake rest is the way of the world, friends. It is not the way of God.

What do you mean, Gina? I hear you say. The Christian life is one of self-sacrifice, is it not?

Yes it is. And that’s why maybe we need to sacrifice the old way of thinking: that I will work myself to death for my family and community, and somehow be more righteous in the end.

God instituted rest from the beginning. In the creation account (Genesis 1) he rested. A weekly holy day of rest was one of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20). He commanded his people to even let the land rest every seven years (Exodus 23). He has built cycles of rest into nature: days, nights, seasons.

Why?

Perhaps when we choose rest, we acknowledge that we can’t do it all or be it all. If Jesus himself had no qualms about taking naps, sneaking off by himself, and shutting all but his inner circle out from time to time, why do we treat self-care like it’s some luxury or guilty pleasure?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

Perhaps when we choose rest, we give God the opportunity to show us how he works.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, I want you to know that there’s hope, that you can break the cycle, that you can choose rest. Rest is physical, mental/emotional and spiritual.

It isn’t easy. In fact, choosing rest takes faith. But I can tell you from experience that the rewards are abundant and everlasting.

Next in the series I’ll be digging into the ways we can choose rest physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually. Click to read: Always Tired? How To Choose Rest for Your Body.

Don’t forget: if you love this topic, don’t miss StressLESS.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with life? What do you think are some ways you might choose rest?

How I Manage Anxiety with 5 Calming Steps

August 24, 2017 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Do you get anxious? Yeah, me too. That’s why I developed this five-step process to manage anxiety, so I can pray and talk myself down in a powerful and effective way. Click below to get access to printable anxiety-buster prompts, so you access this strategy at any time. It’s just one of many resources available in my resource collection for Christian moms.

This past weekend my brain was in a fog. Our family has had a very busy few weeks with guests visiting from out of town, day trips and starting school. Not to mention I was feeling a lot of work pressure and so was my husband.

I hadn’t had much time to rest and so my stress level was…kinda high. To top it all off, it’s felt like our finances have gotten out of control. We have a vacation coming up soon that we’re pretty locked into, but to make a long story short, the unexpected has happened. Repeatedly. The numbers aren’t looking good.

For someone who really prides herself on being “in control,” these conditions are a foolproof recipe for high anxiety. Not to mention guilt and fear and shame and a host of other related emotions.

Anxiety looks a little different for everyone. Your heart can start racing at the speed of your thoughts; your breath gets shallow; you can’t sleep; you’re panicky and scared. Maybe you drift into a full-blown panic attack where your whole world is spinning; or if you’re like me, the anxiety hums in the background while your life hurtles along at breakneck speed.

(By the way, panic attacks are a sign you need to seek professional help. There’s no shame in that.)

Since I’ve become a stress management coach, I’ve fortunately picked up some tools to manage anxiety as well. (Surprise! Stress and anxiety are related!) When I get worked up, this process helps me calm down quickly and effectively.

5 Steps To Manage Anxiety

Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

1. Deep Breathing

It almost seems too simple. But when we’re anxious, we forget how to breathe. Instead of inhaling deeply with the diaphragm, our breaths are shallow and our pulse races; we don’t get enough oxygen, which stresses our bodies out even more. You can see how this might quickly spiral out of control.

Breathing deeply slows down the heart rate and the release of stress hormones. It will instantly make you feel better in the height of an anxious moment.

So here’s how to be better at breathing:

Practice it when you’re calm. Like, daily. I’ve made it a part of my morning ritual to take several deep breaths when I start to pray. From time to time I also do deep breathing with my kids before they go to bed (because they need practice too!).
Check if you even know how to breathe properly. Lie flat on your back and place your hands over your belly. Breathe from the diaphragm, which is the muscle beneath your lungs. Your belly should rise significantly. Shallow breathing, on the other hand, comes from the top of your chest and is not nearly as effective making your calm.
When you’re in the height of anxiety, stop. Think of breathing and nothing but breathing for a few minutes. Count how many seconds you inhale and exhale; focus on your diaphragm; listen to your body. Observe as it naturally becomes more relaxed.

2. Ask: What Are You Afraid Of?

I ask myself this question to manage anxiety because anxiety is rooted in fear. I believe God created us with the capability to be anxious because it can protect us from danger, which is sometimes appropriate (sociopaths have like zero anxiety). But anxiety gets out of control because sometimes our fears aren’t rational.

I get out a pen and paper and just start writing and praying through my fears. Usually there’s more than one; they’re often connected. The more specific I can be, the better.

With the aforementioned financial situation, some of my fears include:

I have failed in financial management.
We are failing in our marriage because we can’t manage our money well.
We might have to go into debt.
We might never get out of that debt.
God is punishing me.
My family will suffer.
People will judge me.

I’ll admit, it’s not easy, especially when you see how ridiculous some of your fears look on paper. But it creates a new perspective.

3. Ask: Are Those Fears Valid?

Look at your fears (or mine, if you need inspiration). Hopefully it’s obvious that some of them are more valid than others.

Whenever I do this exercise to manage anxiety, it makes me aware of a much bigger story. Namely, that I have an enemy whose mission is to feed my lies and turn me away from God (See Genesis 3:1, 1 Peter 5:8 and John 8:44, for starters). But it’s my choice whether I want to believe those lies or not.

This part is tricky because a lot of lies are half-truths (Satan’s a pro at those). That’s why it’s so important to get as specific as possible about your fears and break them down. For example: perhaps I have failed in financial management. But is that even an accurate way to describe the situation? By assessing the validity of my fears, I’m forced to get even more specific. I made a mistake about one or two decisions. But that doesn’t make me a failure overall. And that doesn’t mean we’ll suffer or that people will judge me.

I highly recommend using scripture against some of your fears to clarify what is true and what is false. One of my regular go-tos is 1 Corinthains 12:9.

I also find that making a mind map or flow chart can be very effective in this stage of managing anxiety. Instead of writing on lines, make bubbles and lines and get messy on your blank sheet of paper. Go nuts. It helps.

4. Surrender What You Can’t Control

Once you’ve hashed out your fears and determined what is valid, then you have to figure out what to do with that information. My fear is that we’ll go into debt because of some car repairs. That’s a valid fear. What’s outside of my control?

Well, I know that my past decisions are outside of my current control. I also know that many future circumstances are outside of my control.

I’ve got to let those things go. In prayer, I give them over to God.

1 Peter 5:6–7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Perhaps you know the second part, but it comes after the first. We must humble ourselves to let go of those things we so tightly grasp.

5. Act On What You Can Control

This might be my favorite step because I am a woman who looooves control. But I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to save this step for last. Otherwise you risk wasting your time and energy on the things you really have no power over.

Once you’ve thoroughly examined your fears and you’ve surrendered them to God (which you might have to do repeatedly, by the way), it should be fairly evident what you can do next. In my case, my husband and I need to simply go over our financial goals and our budget again so that we can be better prepared for the future.

But even then we’re not going to be in control of the unexpected. All we really have control over is the way we prepare for the unknown, and the way we respond.

If you found these tips helpful, you might enjoy printable the printable worksheet I created that will guide you through the process to manage anxiety, which you can find in my free resource collection for moms. You might also enjoy my 5-day email course, StressLESS. Sign up below for access to BOTH!

What makes you worked up? Are there any steps you take to manage anxiety?

Should Christian Moms Prioritize “Me Time”?

July 5, 2017 by Gina Poirier 2 Comments

Ever wondered if it was okay for you to get more “me time” but you’re not sure if you actually need or deserve it? You’re not the only one. Read on…

Photo by kosal ley on Unsplash

“I’m struggling with not enough time for me right now.”

I got this message from one of my readers recently when I asked moms what they were wrestling with. I shook my head in understanding…because it’s a sentiment I’ve heard again and again.

She went on: “I feel like a brat saying that, but in the hustle and bustle of motherhood I sometimes feel like I’ve lost myself.”

It’s an issue I think so many of us relate to. We know we should probably be taking better care of ourselves—“filling up our tanks,” so to speak—so that we have more to give.

But then we feel guilty…because isn’t a life of self-sacrifice the Christian way to live?

There is a lot of secular self-help information out there about stress relief, finding yourself and meeting your full potential.

You may have heard the analogy of the oxygen mask; on a plane that’s losing air pressure you’re supposed to put your own mask on first before helping someone else, and the same applies with your personal energy.

That’s all fine and good in theory, but…are these conceptions of “me time” and “self-care” actually Biblical?

And what about practical questions like:

Is it okay for me to be on my phone when I’m with my kids?
Do I have to get up early to read my Bible?
Whose needs come first: mine? My husband’s? My kids’?
Do I really need to suck it up and go to church when I’m feeling so exhausted I can barely move?
Can I say “no” when someone asks for my help? (Really, not just in theory?)
Can I spend money on something frivolous or indulgent and not feel guilty?

It’s tricky territory, striving to live a life that imitates Christ but doesn’t leave you so drained that you end up feeling exhausted, spiritually empty and resentful.

I think about this a lot, and I think that while self-care is essential for Christians, it might not be in the way you think.

I have the honor of being a contributing writer at Equipping Godly Women; click here to read the rest of this post!

If you’re struggling to make time to take care of yourself amidst a busy schedule, check out my free 5-day email course called StressLESS to discover the truth about “me time.”

Stress Management: 5 Surprising Truths for the Busy Mama

June 3, 2017 by Gina Poirier 4 Comments

I’ve come to realize over the past few months that one thing most moms have in common is stress. Stress over parenting, work, managing the home, scheduling, marriage, money and more. So when I was looking for some training I could pursue to better serve you as my readers, Christian stress management just made sense. So…

While having a cool certificate means I have some very helpful tools and information in my knowledge bank, I realized over the course of my training that I was already more equipped in stress management than I thought I was. And chances are, so are you.

I thought it would be helpful to break some of what I’ve learned down into five basic truths. While there are a lot of practical suggestions for stress management and relief out there, what I don’t see a lot of is the why, particularly for anyone with a Christian worldview. And so that’s a big part of what I want to contribute in my little space on the Internet.

In addition to this post on stress management for moms, I’d also like to introduce my five-day email course that goes into this topic in much more detail. Sign up below!

Stress Management: 5 Surprising Truths for the Busy Mama

1. The Stress Response Was Created by God (and It’s Not Bad)

When your start to care about something—be it trivial, like what to eat for dinner, or more substantial, like a loved one’s illness—your body responds physiologically. Your attention and your senses are heightened. Adrenaline and cortisol are released. Your heart beats faster; you mobilize your energy and start to sweat. You’re motivated to act and might be anxious or excited.

You may have heard of this defined as “fight or flight,” so named because these reactions help us respond in an emergency.

The problem is, when your body is in this state too much and doesn’t receive adequate recovery time, you can start to suffer. Chronic stress leads to a host of complications including anxiety disorders, addictions and a weakened immune system.

What many people don’t know is that stress has benefits, aside from enabling you to respond quickly. It can also help you reach out to others and grow in your knowledge and wisdom.

Stress is not bad. It just has to be understood and properly managed. When I first started studying it, it dawned on me that God has known this and has been sharing this with us all along:

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5:3–4, NIV

2. There Are Things You Can Control (and Things You Can’t)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Serenity Prayer, attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Someone once told me that the only things we really have control over are our little daily decisions. And over time, these decisions add up and help determine the course of our lives.

This is important to recognize in stress management because sometimes we spend way too much time agonizing over the things we can’t control, when we could be a lot more productive focusing on the things we can.

I call the things you can’t control stress environments and events. These include things like your workplace, your relationships, where you live, death, divorce, job change, new marriage, new baby or a move. In some cases you can remove yourself from these stressors, but sometimes you can’t.

But let’s talk about the things you can control. In essence, these are the things that either help you when you’re responding to stress, or hurt you. I call them aggravators and stabilizers.

Aggravators are poor responses to stress and unhealthy practices in your life.

Stabilizers are conditions and habits in your life that can minimize the impact of stress.

It takes work, but focusing on these two things can make you much more resilient to the stressors in your life you can’t control.

3. You Have Control Over Your Thoughts

I’m going to talk about one of the aggravators that can wreak havoc on your stress levels. You could call it negative thinking; I think it might be more accurately described as believing the enemy’s lies:

“I have to be perfect.”

“I need to be more like that other mom.”

“I need to read my Bible and pray in a certain way in order to be a good Christian.”

These lies come subtly and are easy to consume. We turn them over and over in our heads until we’re paralyzed and stressed out.

There’s a better way:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:4–9, NIV

You have control over your thoughts. It takes a ton of work, but you can actually retrain your brain to focus on what’s true, noble and right.

4. You Have Control Over Your Boundaries

My tendency as a mama is to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not only do I worry about my kids and making the perfect life for them, but I worry about pleasing everyone around me—extended family, church family, work demands, you name it.

But when I’m not careful, I can skyrocket my stress level with this powerful aggravator called poor boundaries.

When you have poor boundaries, you take more ownership than you need to in stressful situations. You try to fix problems that aren’t yours. You have a hard time saying “no.” Not only does this steal other people’s freedom to own their own problems (even within your own family!), but you can start sliding down the slippery slope of resentment and blame.

And of course, through it all, stress hormones continue to pump through your body.

Proverbs 14:10 says, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” While you can empathize with other people’s problems, coach them, and pray for them, you can’t and shouldn’t own them. Do you see the difference?

Better boundaries are something I have been working on for years in the way I spend my time and where I invest my heart. If you have difficulty setting boundaries, you’re probably not going to get an instant fix..

But you can start working on this anytime. Say no to the responsibilities that aren’t yours to take.

5. You Have Control Over Rest

God invented rest and practiced it on the seventh day of the creation account we read in Genesis 1–2. He made his day of rest, called the Shabbat, holy, or set apart as something special. He sat back, celebrated the completion of his work, and enjoyed what he had made. Later, he commanded his chosen people, the Israelites, to do the same at the end of their work week.

In Christ we are “not under the law, but under grace” (Romans 6:14), meaning that we’re not going to face the death penalty if we don’t keep a weekly Shabbat. But…maybe we’re missing out?

I define adequate rest as a stabilizer when it comes to your personal stress level. We’re better equipped to respond to what life throws at us when we’re better rested—not only physically, but mentally and spiritually too.

We need rest. Otherwise, not only do we get run down, but we also forget about our Creator who wants us to celebrate his creation with him.

I’ve found that what is truly restful isn’t always convenient. Sometimes you’ll just have to “let it go” when the work you so desperately want to finish has to sit another day. Just remember that, for many centuries, people have trusted God to provide when they chose not to work and to honor him instead.

I hope you’ve found these truths helpful as you seek to implement Christian stress management. When you’re mindful about managing your stress, not only do you equip yourself to be a better parent and spouse, but I believe you also give more space for God to work in your life.

To learn more, I’d encourage you to sign up for my free email course, StressLESS, in which you’ll get five lessons over five days. I’ve also got a lot of other stress management content on the docket, so stay tuned!

Now it’s your turn, mama: are you stressed out? Which of these five stress management principles helps you the most?

How a 7-Day Time Log Helped Me Get My Daily Schedule Under Control

May 19, 2017 by Gina Poirier 2 Comments

As someone who is constantly struggling with time management, I heard about how keeping a 7-day time log can help you better visualize and manage your daily schedule. I decided to try it out and learned a ton! I created and used a printable time log, which you can access as part of my free resource collection.

I recently did a survey of my readers about their personal levels of stress. There was no shocking news; moms are generally under a lot of demands and pressure. The three areas that moms seem to have the most trouble with when it comes to their stress levels are:

Managing their regular schedule
Making enough time for recreation and personal growth
Financial stability

You know what’s interesting about all three areas? They all have to do with limitations in our resources.

Most of us know about limitations on money. There is only so much of it. Once you spend it, it’s gone—and if you go into debt, you will literally pay for it later. That’s why it just makes sense to track where your money is going and have a budget.

For some reason we have difficulty thinking about time in the same way: a limited resource that has to be budgeted.

Every time I check, there are 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week. Time is different than money because we all have the exact same allocation. But time is like money because we can track where it goes and plan how to spend it.

How a 7-Day Time Log Helped Me Get My Daily Schedule Under Control

Personally, I have always had difficulty budgeting my time. I’m the equivalent of a shopaholic; but instead of buying clothes I’m addicted to things like productivity and efficiency. I will squeeze every last drop out of a spare moment I have to get something done and checked off my list. But inevitably I overbook, I tend to take shortcuts, and I get frustrated and burnt out.

In the past year I’ve been doing a lot of research and heart work about managing stress and how I should be spending this very precious and limited resource we all have but often waste: time.

I came across a strategy recently that I found very intriguing: keeping a 7-day “time log.” It’s different than keeping a schedule. A schedule is what you plan to do; a time log is what you actually do.

Some people are familiar with tracking their activity at work because it holds them accountable to their professional expectations. In the same way, we all have certain expectations of ourselves in our home and with our families, whether we’re aware of them or not. So it only makes sense; why not check in with ourselves and see how we’re actually spending that precious time and measuring up to our own expectations?

So that’s what I did. I started keeping track. For 168 straight hours I monitored and recorded my activities on a simple time log. I started on a Friday because that’s when I got the whim, and I ended the following Thursday.

Here’s how this process helped me get my schedule and time management under control.

Getting Enough Sleep Takes Effort

Lately, as I’ve been trying to manage my own stress levels better, I’ve tried to be very aware of my own sleep patterns. Previously I thought that I needed about seven hours of sleep to function well; the truth is, after some experimentation, I actually do much better with eight. Keeping a time log illustrated for me in a very visual way what my daily routine needs to look like if I am going to get the sleep I really need. Essentially, I need about 2.5–3 hours from the time I start the kids’ bedtime routine to the time I am unconscious. That includes time to unwind personally and with my husband.

Things Take More Time Than You Think

In my head I must be much more productive than I actually am in real life. My imagination thinks that I magically put dishes away and take a shower and cook with lightning speed. What the time log taught me was that I am not a superhuman and that all those mundane little tasks take up a ton of time! And I need to plan accordingly if I’m not going to feel like I’m in a rush all the time.

Related: How To Rock Your Schedule

Taking Care of Kids is No Joke

Stay-at-home moms despise this question: “What do you DO all day?” Well, with my time log I can tell you exactly what I do. I spend approximately 9–10 hours each day ACTIVELY caring for my kids and for my home, including cooking, cleaning, and other chores; not to mention homeschooling, activities and all the other demands like teaching certain short people how to share. I was very particular about how I recorded this; any time that I spent relaxing or taking care of myself, or even watching a movie with the family, I didn’t count as “active.”

Oh, and I don’t get weekends off from this “momming” thing, although it’s slightly easier when my husband is around.

The point is, motherhood is more than a full-time job. Try keeping the time log, moms. Then show it to the skeptics.

Breaks Are Crucial

In addition to tracking what I did in the time log, I kept record about how I was feeling. If I felt anxious, I wrote it down. If I felt calm, I wrote it down. What I discovered is that if I’m not intentional about getting little breaks throughout the day, I start to lose my cool. I need some personal time three times a day: the first thing in the morning, at lunch, and after the kids go to bed. The morning and lunch respites are especially critical if I don’t want to turn into a bear by mid-afternoon.

The Daily Rhythm is Sacred

Call me a creature of habit. But the days that felt the best were the ones we were in a good rhythm and routine. When I get up at the same time, follow the same predicable schedule, and get a reasonable amount of work done with the kids and around the house, I’m generally feeling pretty satisfied. What’s more, the kids seem to be more at ease too. I know that not every day can be exactly alike, but I am more convinced than ever that routine, however loose or structured you like it, is key to sanity.

It’s an Ongoing Learning Process

Having said that, the ideal rhythm and routine within the home is always in flux. Perfection isn’t possible or really even the goal; finding different methods that work for particular seasons and moments in time is. For example, during the week I kept my time log, I had a particularly long grocery list and I had to take all three kids with me to the big box store. The whole excursion, from writing my shopping list to putting food away when we got home, took over two hours and was hard on all of us. I wrote a note on the time log that next time I take all three, I should better prepare them and myself for what that trip is ideally going to look like. However, each week my shopping plan varies slightly. I just have to adjust and do the best that I can to make it work.

What Next?

By the time my seven days were up I was more than ready to end my little experiment (my notes got increasingly less detailed). I learned a lot about myself and what gaps were in my daily routine that I could address accordingly when planning out my schedule each week.

I think ideally I’d like repeat this process again every few months, because when the seasons change, our schedules usually need to adjust too.

If you’d like to keep a daily time log, I can’t recommend it enough. Here are a few helpful tips:

Use a time-blocking system with 15-minute increments. You could just keep track on a lined piece of paper, but I just found it really helpful to visually see how my time was divided into increments each day. I made a handy little printable that was very helpful for me.
Keep notes not just about what you do, but how you feel. In particular, note when you’re feeling low or high energy, or when you’re feeling stress or various emotions.
Color code different types of activity. You can do this after you’re done recording. This can be a bit of a challenge if you’re like me and you multi-task, but just realize that it’s not an exact science. I ended up lumping “actively taking care of kids” and “actively taking care of house” into the same group, because I was likely working on both simultaneously.
Take the time to assess after you’re done. Otherwise there is no point to this exercise. Where are your stress points? What patterns do you see? What can you cut out (and what can’t you cut out?) Where are you wasting time? What do you need to add?

If you’d like to keep your own time log, you can download this printable, which is in my free resource collection.

Well, what do you think? Do you think a time log can help you get your daily schedule under control?

5 Time Management Tips for Moms—When Life is Crazy

January 20, 2017 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

I talk to young moms a lot. We are all a very worried, guilty and overwhelmed bunch of people, right? There’s a lot we can talk about in our crazy busy lives regarding our kids, our parenting, our faith and our marriage. But a surprising need that I hear again and again? Time management tips.

We sometimes feel guilty worrying about managing our time because it seems…lame. Like, there are people starving and we’re all concerned about whether we got our to-do lists accomplished? But when it comes down do it—and I know I’m not just speaking for myself here—feeling like our lives are out of control is a huge stressor for a lot of moms.

Think of all the things you want to accomplish on a given day:

Connect with God.
Connect with your husband.
Connect with your kids.
Teach and train your kids and help them with their schoolwork.
Take kids to all the appointments/practices/etc.
Keep your house clean.
Run 87 errands that you’ve been putting off for months.
Pay your bills on time.
Keep your house clean after your kids messed it up again.
Take a shower. Maybe put on makeup. (Perhaps should have done that earlier in the day.)
Be a good friend/daughter/sister etc.
Feed your offspring, which includes meal planning, shopping, cooking AND cleanup. (Again, maybe should have planned that earlier.)
Oh yeah, perhaps work or run a side business like many of us do.
RELAX (hahahahahaha are you kidding?)
Shouldn’t exercise have been in there somewhere?

It’s dizzying.

5 Time Management Tips for Moms—When Life is Crazy

There are a lot of angles we could take on this topic, but I think it might be helpful to simply offer a few practicals that can help. If I were to travel in time and offer advice to myself a few years ago I would offer these time management tips:

To finish reading, please head on over and read my guest post at My Joy-Filled Life!

How To Manage Stress by Being Productively Lazy

December 21, 2016 by Gina Poirier 4 Comments

Looking to better manage stress in your life? Sometimes it takes what is counterintuitive. If you like this post, be sure to check out my free email course, StressLESS.

As a busy mom, trying to manage stress sometimes isn’t among my top priorities. There are mouths to feed, children’s lives to enrich, a household to manage and 7,403 others things competing for my attention at any given time.

At one pivotal moment as a young mom, I remember one of those days when we didn’t have anything on the calendar. So what did I do? Whipped out the to-do list, of course! I was on a roll all day long and got a ton done…until about 7 p.m. And then I pretty much became a vegetable.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman in the world who works herself into complete exhaustion trying to get it all done. But if I’m not in tune with my own needs, I just don’t know when to stop…until I practically pass out. I get stressed to the max because the work is never really all done. I feel completely exhausted and inadequate, unable to give an ounce more of my energy.

I felt especially bad on this particular day because I could barely peel myself out of my chair to put the kids to bed, let alone give attention to my husband, whom I’d effectively ignored most of the day. Oops.

So he and I talked about it. Fortunately, it wasn’t a despairing conversation. The problem was not how to work harder and get more done, but rather how to find a place where I could feel good about what I had already accomplished. Then I would still have time and energy left over to give more to my relationships. It was a mental adjustment, and I knew what I needed in order to make it: to chill out. Rest. As we like to say, have some “Sabbath time.”

Stress management is a topic I know a lot of women know they need help with, but taking caring of ourselves is usually the last thing on our list. It just comes with the mom hat: others first. Me last. But truth be told? When we better manage stress for ourselves, we become much better moms and wives. And people, generally.

Since this incident, I’ve pondered what it looks like to incorporate adequate rest into my daily and weekly schedule. And I’ve come to the radical conclusion: In order to manage stress and feel better about my time management, I need to be productively lazy.

How To Manage Stress by Being Productively Lazy

For as hard as I work, I have no problem being lazy once my energy level is zapped. But what do I do during my lazy time? Do I surf the web, watch TV, or just zone out? Nothing is inherently wrong with those things, but if I don’t use my down time to recharge my own batteries and get refreshed, then I’m setting myself up for failure later. Here’s what I mean:

Example 1: I’m decompressing after a long day by scrolling through Facebook on my phone, taking those worthless personality quizzes or reading dumb articles. So I stay up half an later than I intend, sleep in the next day, and start the morning grumpy because I didn’t get up before the kids.

Example 2: For an evening together after the kids are asleep, Marc and I binge watch our favorite shows on Netflix. We have no meaningful conversation, stay up too late, and feel distant from each other the next day.

Example 3: I get up early to work out, read the Bible and have some time to myself. Instead of meditating or praying I start thinking of all I have to get done…and I begin the day feeling stressed.

Example 4: I’m doing dishes so it’s technically not “down time,” but the kids are occupied elsewhere so I at least have my thoughts to myself. I start thinking about how hard my day has been or how lonely I feel being home all day or how I’m missing old friends and family…and I start down the road of negativity, which deflates my spirits for the rest of the day.

Since my lazy time is limited, I want to be sure that I’m making the most of it in order to manage my stress. Yeah that makes perfect sense, right?

Productive laziness can include mindless activity like TV and social media and random thoughts, but it cannot consist entirely of these things. I do much better when I limit myself. When I’m doing well, I’m not watching an hour or more of TV every night. I’m limiting social media to no more than five to ten minutes at a time. I’m taking control of my negative thoughts and finding more positive things to think about. I’m putting the to-do list away temporarily (even the mental one).

What Productive Rest Looks Like

Productive laziness often includes conversation—with my family, friends or God. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation, but it has to be something besides (or at least in addition to) staring at a screen together.

Productive laziness involves taking care of myself. That means I allow myself to sleep if needed, I enjoy good food, have a long shower, exercise in ways that I like, and just sit and be quiet and peaceful.

Productive laziness is positive and refreshing. I like to read and write. Occasionally I play the piano, go for a walk or grab a latte. Some people like to do art, garden, work out, do puzzles, or work on a hobby. Negativity is not allowed!

Productive laziness takes discipline. I know. I contradict myself. But it’s true. You have to at least think about it a little bit. And even plan it. And ask your friends and family to watch the kids.

Productive laziness takes priority. Perhaps the dishes need to go undone or the laundry needs to wait. They’ll be there for you later!

When I’m productively lazy, I don’t feel guilty about “me time.” What’s more, I don’t need a whole lot of it! Once I’ve been refreshed, I’ll be more motivated and energized to get back to my tasks—and be more productive. I’ll also be a better mom, better wife, better daughter/sister/friend. And while there might be toys scattered around the room or dishes in the sink, I’ll generally not care so much.

How’s your stress management going these days, mama friend?

Are there some small changes you can make to add a little more productive laziness into your schedule? Yours doesn’t have to look like mine. Leave a comment and let me know what helps you!

And remember to check out my free email series on managing stress, StressLESS.

How To Banish Mom Burnout & Embrace What Makes You Amazing

December 16, 2016 by Gina Poirier 1 Comment

The condition called “mom burnout” seems like a right of passage. It starts with your newborn when you’re physically exhausted to the max; there’s not a whole lot you can do about that. But, the mom burnout evolves as you add kids and as they get older (especially for Americans, in my observation). You might eventually recover from the physical exhaustion, but for some reason we feel the drive that keeps us emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausted indefinitely.

Let me give you an example. Four years ago, I was a mom with two kids under the age of four and pregnant with my third. We hosted a weekly Bible study (with dinner!) at our house; I served on the worship team at church and also was the director of our chartable programs. I was a writer on the side…and of course there was trying to cook and clean and be a good mom and wife. I did it all, but I really didn’t do any of it as well as I wanted to. And while I loved my family, I found it difficult to make it through a day without snapping at them.

In the months before and after my daughter was born, weekly emotional breakdowns were par for the course. I blamed the hormones and shrugged it off as normal. But when I started tearing up in my doctor’s office one day, she didn’t shrug it off and challenged me reevaluate my life a little bit.

I know that not everyone experiences mom burnout in the same way I do. For me, I tend to overcommit myself. For you, perhaps you’re simply weary—because raising kids is difficult enough all on its own.

Mom burnout doesn’t have to be your status quo. If you’re finding it difficult to get through an average day, maybe it’s time for you to reevaluate a little bit too.

How To Banish Mom Burnout & Embrace What Makes You Amazing

You can read the rest of this post by clicking over to My Joy-Filled Life!

Like what you read? Be sure to subscribe for free devotionals, printables and more. Also check out the Wiping Noses for Jesus is Legit Facebook group to join a community of like-minded moms!

Mommy brain: The phenomenon known to mothers where their brains become useless piles of goo after being around their children for too long (Urban Dictionary).

How to Banish Mommy Brain

Strategies for Mental/Emotional Rest

Leave a comment: do you suffer from “mommy brain”? Which of these strategies do you think can help you choose rest for your heart and mind?

The Answer When You’re Always Tired

Strategies for More Sleep

If you’re always tired, how much sleep do you get a night? Which of these strategies will you try?

Why To Choose Rest When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

Are you feeling overwhelmed with life? What do you think are some ways you might choose rest?

5 Steps To Manage Anxiety

1. Deep Breathing

2. Ask: What Are You Afraid Of?

3. Ask: Are Those Fears Valid?

4. Surrender What You Can’t Control

5. Act On What You Can Control

What makes you worked up? Are there any steps you take to manage anxiety?

Stress Management: 5 Surprising Truths for the Busy Mama

1. The Stress Response Was Created by God (and It’s Not Bad)

2. There Are Things You Can Control (and Things You Can’t)

3. You Have Control Over Your Thoughts

4. You Have Control Over Your Boundaries

5. You Have Control Over Rest

Now it’s your turn, mama: are you stressed out? Which of these five stress management principles helps you the most?

How a 7-Day Time Log Helped Me Get My Daily Schedule Under Control

Getting Enough Sleep Takes Effort

Things Take More Time Than You Think

Taking Care of Kids is No Joke

Breaks Are Crucial

The Daily Rhythm is Sacred

It’s an Ongoing Learning Process

What Next?

Well, what do you think? Do you think a time log can help you get your daily schedule under control?

5 Time Management Tips for Moms—When Life is Crazy

How To Manage Stress by Being Productively Lazy

What Productive Rest Looks Like

How’s your stress management going these days, mama friend?

How To Banish Mom Burnout & Embrace What Makes You Amazing