Christian Life Archives – Page 4 of 4

How To Be a Peacemaker When Hearts Are at War

November 11, 2016 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
—Matthew 5:9

Now it’s time for America to bind the wounds of division; we have to get together. To all Republicans and Democrats and independents across this nation, I say it is time for us to come together as one united people.
—Donald Trump’s victory speech

We have seen that our nation is more deeply divided than we thought. But I still believe in America, and I always will. And if you do, then we must accept this result and then look to the future. Donald Trump is going to be our president. We owe him an open mind and the chance to lead.
—Hillary Clinton’s concession speech

Like many people in the U.S., I woke up on Wednesday, November 9^th in a bit of a stupor. Call it election hangover, minus the alcohol—I had dozed off listening to live election commentary and looking at a mixture of comical and alarmist reactions on Facebook.

My husband woke me, first when Trump clinched Pennsylvania, and then again when he gave an acceptance speech. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t between my newsfeed and muddled dreams: Willy Wonka memes and Trump’s face caricatured like an Oompa Loompa, hysterical Clinton supporters, and more than one proclamation that this was indeed the apocalypse (the GIF of the electoral map on fire was memorable).

Reality set in after about 15 cups of coffee the next morning. I had a weird relationship with my phone—I was incredibly curious to see what people were saying, yet terribly frightened and sick about it at the same time.

In fact, that’s how it has been rather frequently this year, amidst protesting and rage being voiced here and around the world. I feel fascinated but paralyzed. And for the most part, I keep quiet.

And maybe that’s why we sometimes are surprised by the results of what happens in society: the election, the decisions our leaders make, the violence and the protests. Many of us keep quiet because we’re afraid. We don’t know what to say because there are vicious opponents on both sides who are going to bite our heads off. So instead of contributing to the discussion, we are the online lurkers, quietly making our decisions (or avoiding them) while mostly observing the fallout.

The political battle is over for now, but the cultural war continues to rage. Some fear for their lives and livelihood; many are resolved to keep fighting; others are wondering what the big deal is; silent masses are turning their heads or burying them in the sand. America is bleeding badly. Like the results or not, the democratic system has churned out a result.

Some Christians say, “God is sovereign,” and, “Let’s keep praying.” Okay yes, absolutely. But honestly, friends (and don’t hate me for this), we can use that as a little bit of a cop-out. Like let’s just leave it all in God’s hands and move on quietly like we’re powerless to actually do or say anything? Faithful prayer is powerful, but faith without deeds is dead (James 2:26).

God is sovereign, and sometimes there is something bigger than we know or understand going on. But don’t forget, we have free will within that sovereignty, and there are consequences to the choices we make…or avoid.

So what are we supposed to do now?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:29

I don’t know where you stand on the political spectrum or on the faith spectrum. Maybe you’ve got some pretty strong opinions…and there is at least one person you know who doesn’t see eye to eye with you. So what do you do? Avoid them? Debate with them until they see the light? Are those the only two options?

Or maybe you’re pretty indifferent to all this stuff (I personally know a lot of people who didn’t vote). It stresses you out to think about it, let alone talk about it. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I think most people in America would agree on one thing: peace. Peace is the fundamental groundwork for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

And, regardless of your religious affiliation, you could probably agree with Jesus’ beatitude: “Blessed are the peacemakers.”

There’s a desperate need in America for peacemakers right now. But how to be one?

Here’s a wild idea for everyone: ask more questions. Listen. Seek to understand. Help others feel heard.

One of the loudest cries we hear in the fallout of Electopocalypse 2016 is this: “WHY??? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!”

But are you even trying?

I’m limited in my own understanding. I come from a place of middle class white privilege. There are some challenges and belief systems I have great difficulty grasping. But I keep trying.

To be a peacemaker, take a minute and listen to a side of an argument you don’t understand—and help your opponent feel heard. If you know someone who stands firmly in one position, ask questions for clarity—and then reaffirm your understanding. You don’t have to agree with someone to make them feel heard. Compassionate listening cools tension and leads to peace and compromise where possible. Just imagine if a whole nation tried to hear what the other side was saying on these issues…then we could really start praying for each other in earnest!

Human rights

For many people, these were huge deciding factors of the election because the next president will be appointing at least one and very likely more Supreme Court justices.

For many Christian conservatives, pro-life is the ONLY ISSUE because a life is a life. They are not stupid; they are not bigots; they are passionate about saving children. If you have a hard time with this, imagine how you would feel if it was legal for people to leave their babies out in the wilderness to die from exposure (a common practice around the world until recently).

Make them feel heard: “I hear that you want to devote yourself to saving innocent lives.”

For pro-choice advocates, when a life starts is a moral gray area, and it’s inappropriate and invasive for others to decide what a woman should or shouldn’t do with her own body. These people aren’t monsters; in their view, it isn’t the government’s job to enforce morality in regards to these questions.

Make them feel heard: “I hear you are very sensitive to anyone imposing moral judgment on women faced with a very challenging personal decision.”

For Second Amendment watchdogs, owning a gun is a fundamental right that protects lives. They love their families with fierce devotion and want to be fully equipped defend them. Gun control is a slippery slope that threatens that liberty.

Make them feel heard: “I hear that protecting the people you care about is of utmost importance.”

Gun control advocates are sick and tired of people dying—from gunshot wounds. Someone has to protect the innocent, and there are too many guns falling into the wrong hands.

Make them feel heard: “I hear that you are vigilant about protecting innocent lives.”

For the LGBT community, which has had many recent victories, the election feels like a step backward. For them, marrying whom they love and being true to who they are without fear of persecution is a fundamental right—and the thought that the government (or anyone else) could weigh in on those decisions is dehumanizing.

Make them feel heard: I hear that you feel under attack for who you are.

Racism and bigotry

This election has been so ugly. Liberals and conservatives alike were appalled at some of the things that have come out of Donald Trump’s mouth that can’t be unsaid. If you don’t see what others are seeing, try to focus on what they perceive, regardless of how you interpret it or how it might have been spun.

Many people in minority groups are very saddened and scared. African Americans, Hispanics, Muslims—it’s concerning to them that so many Americans appear to not be disturbed by prejudiced rhetoric.

Make them feel heard: “I hear that you feel marginalized and I am so sorry you don’t feel safe in your own country.”

Many women feel outraged. To them it’s obvious that misogyny is alive and well in this country—derogative offhand comments are the symptoms of deeper beliefs and assumptions.

Make them feel heard: “I hear that you feel violated and insulted and that you’re concerned about underlying sexism in our culture.”

Many people feel that the unknown threatens their lives and livelihood—through terrorism, globalization, etc. Maybe you call it xenophobia or a lack of education, but you can’t deny the threats’ validity. You can disagree about solutions without mocking or belittling the underlying fears.

Make them feel heard: “I hear that you’re worried about your family’s safety and well-being because of the state of the world right now.”

Economic woes

Many families, especially in the working class but also the middle, are simply struggling. You can spout all the statistics you want about economic growth, but that doesn’t cover their bills this week, or help them save for a house, or pay for their kids’ winter coats. Something radically different is appealing right now, because nothing else seems to be working.

Make them feel heard: I hear that you are stressed about making it paycheck to paycheck to support your family and that something needs to change.

The Affordable Care Act isn’t what many people consider “affordable.” Did you know that in the week prior to the election, many people who purchased health insurance through the Healthcare Marketplace received notice of a 50%+ rate hike for their premiums in 2017? Subsidies provide some relief, but the bottom line is some families are paying more than double in premiums what they were just two years ago—for less coverage. (How do I know? Because this is our family’s reality.)

Make them feel heard: I hear that you’re really wrestling with alternatives in how to pay for your family’s healthcare costs.

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Is anybody listening?

Many Americans from across the various spectrums feel underrepresented in the media, in political parties, in popular culture and in churches:

African Americans feel like they are shouting about injustice but no one is actually doing anything about it.
Traditional conservatives and the religiously devout feel like the liberal elite, primarily in the big cities, treat them like second-class human beings and make assumptions that they are uneducated, racist and stupid. Ideologies they don’t agree with are being forced upon them and their children in popular culture and educational institutions.
Many people are extremely concerned about climate change and other environmental concerns, which may affect generations to come more than we realize. They are screaming about what seems obvious, yet too few are listening.
Immigrants, whether technically legal or not, have voices—but can you name a single person who is well known to represent their causes?
There’s a rising generation of people who are leaving organized religion in droves because all they ever felt from it was judgment and condemnation. They are latching onto grassroots activism groups instead, as these seem to be making way more of a positive contribution to society that what they see from churches.
Current and former members of the Armed Forces and local and state police feel largely ignored, unappreciated and forgotten.
Millions of people voted for a third party or not at all because they were disgusted by the whole election: the corruption, the rhetoric, the deception, everything.

The call for peace

Many Americans cast their ballots feeling icky about their choice; but there were really only two to pick from. Someone who was utterly ashamed of Trump’s demeanor could have still voted for him to prevent Clinton from getting into office and vice versa. So this election was hardly a mandate. It’s more complicated than that.

There isn’t one clean division in America right now; there are multiple fractures between urban and rural inhabitants, classes, genders, generations, religious beliefs, worldviews and ethnicities, to name a few. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all characterization of who voted for whom. Both political parties have been gutted.

Let’s stop hiding, be slow to speak and quick to listen. Diffuse anger. Be a peacemaker. When you think about it, we’re not all so different. Everyone pretty much wants the same things: Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness.

Lastly, remember that whether you keep your opinions to yourself or share them with anyone who will listen, our children are watching us. They are observing not the policy issues but our own demeanors and what we are doing (or not doing) in response to a defining moment in history.

10 Bible Verses for the Perfectionist Mama

September 2, 2016 by Gina Poirier 8 Comments

Hi, my name is Gina and I’m a perfectionist. I like to say recovering perfectionist because I’ve been working on this chronic condition for a long time. I’d like to think I’ve come a long way. I don’t say fully recovered perfectionist because that would be grossly dishonest.

This tendency has plagued me since my earliest memories. I remember in first grade, the very first time I didn’t complete a school assignment flawlessly. I was traumatized for the rest of the day because I had to erase and rewrite the correct punctuation marks several times, and wow didn’t that paper look wrinkled and ugly? In the years that followed I think I cried every time my team lost a soccer game. I never truly knew what it felt like to fail at school because I graduated high school with a 4.0. Then in college when I got a D on an economics exam, I felt like I got sucker-punched (I got an A- for the class at the end of term).

I know, what a tough life.

I got my head on a little straighter when I made Jesus Lord of my life at age 19. I was (and still am) completely enamored with the God who loves me unconditionally. But my personality didn’t change overnight…and I carried that performance mentality over into my spiritual life. If I wasn’t bringing my A-game to my ministry and my walk with God, I was a failure.

Then I became a wife. And a mom. And perhaps this is when I fully started to grasp the enormity of my inadequacies. Academics are a cakewalk compared to parenting, marriage and homemaking.

To make matters worse, if I don’t keep my heart in check, I can view my husband and kids’ shortcomings as a poor reflection on me. Which means their failures = my failures. Thinking this way makes us all feel really loved and secure about ourselves. (See that there? Sarcasm.)

I have a perfectionist child now too, who helps me see just how silly the perfectionist mindset is. When he throws a fit over not keeping his coloring inside the lines, I totally get him.

I know that not every mom struggles with this…but a lot of us do. It comes out in different ways. I couldn’t care less about how my hair looks on a particular day or whether or not I missed a spot cleaning the bathtub, but if I forget to return the library books and get charged a late fee, I will lose my mind. (What’s your struggle? Just curious.)

There’s a lot more I could say on this matter, but I think it’s time to get some actual wisdom from the Scriptures. There is nothing I can “do” about my perfectionism except continually seek to transform my thoughts regarding the way I see myself.

10 Bible Verses for the Perfectionist Mama

Okay, I lied; I have a couple more minor theological points I want to make. The Bible talks a lot about perfection, but the meaning of the word doesn’t translate exactly to the way we think about it. It refers to completeness or wholeness. Let that sink in as you read the following passages.

I’m also pretty sure the apostle Paul was a perfectionist, as he wrote quite a bit about the battle he and other Jewish Christians had with legalism (i.e. following rules and trying to justify yourself through impossible standards). You can see it here in the passages from Romans, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians.

On the Power of Grace

Romans 5:6–8

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

This is the unconditional love of Christ that first won me over years ago and continues to now. We could just stop right here.

Ephesians 2:8–10

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I think I often get the order of things mixed up here, not consciously but through my actions. I feel like I have to do good works in order to justify myself, when it is the other way around; I do good works because I am already justified.

Philippians 3:7–10

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

Paul speaks powerfully to my performance-oriented heart here. All he wanted was to know Christ, and when I cut through perfectionist crap, I know that’s all I want to know too.

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 (emphasis added)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

That about sums it up for me. I’m tempted to think about it all backwards: that I need to have my act together so that I can reflect God’s power. Really, God’s power is made perfect in me when I am a hot mess.

On Being Complete

Colossians 1:21-22 (emphasis added)

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation…

Wait, did you catch all of that? I hear a lot of Christians say, “I’m not perfect.” But that is wrong. Read it and weep: Christ’s body makes us holy and blemish-free, free from accusation—because you are forgiven and complete.

Hebrews 10:14

For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

There it is again. He’s made us perfect!

Galatians 2:20 (emphasis added)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

In case you want to argue with me about whether or not you’re perfect, if Christ lives in you, you ARE.

Focusing on Growth

Philippians 1:6 (emphasis added)

…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It helps me to focus on growth rather than snapshots of performance. And it says here that God is continuing to work in me and will keep it up until I reach completion. Kind of a mind-trip: I am perfect/complete already, yet I will still continue to grow more complete. Say what???

2 Peter 1:5–8

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I add this one because I think it clarifies why, even though Christ already makes us complete/perfect, we still make an effort to grow.

Galatians 6:4–5

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.

Oh by the way, in case it’s not obvious, if you’re competing with other people on your own journey to completeness, just stop.

As often happens, by working through these passages I have found encouragement and strength for myself. If you’re a perfectionist, I hope they speak powerfully to you as well.

Want to keep these verses handy? You can now download them in a printable form! Just click below:

If you enjoyed this study, you might also like my other Mama Verses posts.

Are you a perfectionist? What helps give you better perspective?

5 Promising Bible Verses for the Lonely Mama

July 27, 2016 by Gina Poirier 5 Comments

As a stay-at-home mom, I am never alone. Ever. Even when the kids are sleeping, my “mommy radar” is constantly up, making sure that they’re breathing and safe. Even when I get a babysitter and can leave the house, those little beings consume my thoughts.

And yet, motherhood is one of the loneliest jobs around (read more about my personal experience with loneliness here). The constant noise sometimes makes me want to retreat into a little cave, while at the same time I crave connection with another human taller than four feet.

Fellow comrades, mamas (whether you work or stay home), I KNOW you get lonely too. Even if you’re on the introverted side like I am, no one can really do it solo. In fact, that’s not how God designed us. This whole construct of a “stay-at-home mom” being isolated all day with kids is the opposite of what mamas past had. We were created to be relational, to be in small communities with extended relatives and friends, raising kids together and giving each other the support we need (read Proverbs 31 closely—“Mrs. 31” was not alone).

Nonetheless here we are.

Fortunately we’re never truly alone. I believe that while God designed us for community, he knew that some of us would be going solo sometimes. And that’s why he’s there for us, no matter what season we’re in.

5 Promising Bible Verses for the Lonely Mama

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
—Joshua 1:6–9, emphasis added

Joshua was a man who knew loneliness: standing up for what was right when nearly everyone else turned their back on him. Later in his life, God gave him this battle call before Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land. And likewise, we are going into battle every day for our families. Take courage, mamas, because God will be with you wherever you go. Stay in his Word and follow his lead.

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
—1 Kings 19:11–13, emphasis added

For an encouraging study, read the whole saga of Elijah from 1 Kings 17 to 1 Kings 19. One of the most powerful prophets of the Old Testament, he had fled everything he knew. He was completely alone and prayed that he would die. So God came and whispered to him gently. And then God invited Elijah to speak more to him. I’ll leave it up to you to draw your own conclusions from the story, but if you read on, you’ll see that in the end, God brought Elijah a new best friend: Elisha. He was never alone again, up until his last day. If you’re in the depths, cry out to God (even if it sounds ugly). See what happens.

But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
—Psalm 22:19–21

This is one of my favorite Psalms, and I encourage you to read the whole passage. It is the voice of King David expressing his own emotions, but it is simultaneously a prophecy about Jesus dying on the cross. The Psalm starts with, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” This is also what Jesus uttered as he died (Matthew 27:46). But look how the Psalm ends.

In the case of David, in the case of Elijah, and even in the case of Jesus, all had to hit rock bottom—alone—before God lifted them up in victory. You might be alone right now mama, but TRUST that God is working in your life to bring you back up. Don’t hesitate in asking him to rescue you—although maybe not from lions and wild oxen (wild toddlers can be scary too).

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
—Matthew 28:18–19, emphasis added

Is this passage just for the first disciples, or just for missionaries or church leaders? Who is doing a lot of the grunt work when it comes to “making disciples” (besides God himself of course)? Parents. Mamas, this passage is for you. You are doing holy work, day in and day out, and Jesus is with you. He promised.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us.
—1 John 4:16–19, emphasis added

I add this one last, mamas, because sometimes we need a little push. Perhaps need to put yourself out there and express your needs for friendship, as well as offer your own love to others. This is especially difficult because most of us have experienced hurt and loss in our relationships. But don’t let fear be your master; act in love. This verse has helped me time and again.

Take heart, mamas. You will get through your lonely times.

Want to keep these verses handy? You can now download them in a printable form! Just click below:

If you liked this post you might also like my other verses for mamas.

Do you have any favorite verses that get you through loneliness? Please share them in the comments!

Spark Your Kids’ Love of the Bible with 3 Simple Habits

July 15, 2016 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Does anyone else feel like there are way too many things competing for kids’ attention these days?

We have a lot of extended family in town, so the kids always make a killing on their birthdays. On my son’s 7th birthday last month he got Legos, Minecraft and a new bike. But he also got a Bible. It’s easy to guess these days which gifts drew the biggest “oohs” and “aahs” from the crowd. And sure enough, the toys got immediate use.

But my husband and have been thrilled in recent weeks to see that, after lights out, our son likes to keep his flashlight on and read. The Bible. The actual full-text Bible, not a storybook or app or anything else.

Is the Word of God something kids can get excited about?

From our experience, yes.

Every child is unique, and their interests are going to vary throughout different ages and stages. I hope and pray that my son’s desire that is sparked now will be a flame that burns for the rest of his life.

But in order for a flame to burn at all there has to be a spark to begin with. And for kids growing up in an increasingly secular culture, it helps when that spark starts young.

Do you want your kids to be interested in the Bible when they start to read? These 3 habits can cultivate that desire starting from infancy (2 Timothy 3:15).

For the rest of the this post, hop on over: Read more at My Joy Filled Life

What do you do to help your kids dig into the Bible?

How To Make Peace With The Busy Life

June 28, 2016 by Gina Poirier 3 Comments

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

I heard a lesson once during a Bible study in college that has stuck with me through the years. We were discussing how to balance a hectic college schedule that included a challenging course load, employment, church and ministry events, some amount of social interaction and of course the ever important needs to sleep and do laundry.

The lesson went something like this. Imagine that you need to pack an empty fish bowl full of rocks. The rocks come in many different sizes, from one that takes up over half the bowl, to many small pebbles and grains of sand.

If you put the sand and the small pebbles in first, they fill up the bottom of the bowl fairly quickly. Then when you try to put the bigger rocks in, you have a difficult time fitting them within that defined space.

Of course, if you’re wise, you’ll put in the largest rock first and work in the rest of the rocks in decreasing size. You might be surprised with how much you can fit into that little space if you’re methodical about the way you arrange everything. Put the pebbles and the sand in last, and you’ll have a much easier time of it.

The bowl represents your life—specifically, the natural constraints of your time and energy. And the rocks are all of the activities that fill up your days. The size of the rock is symbolic of its importance, according to your personal values.

Are you putting in the big rocks first? Or are you constantly wrestling to fit everything in the bowl in the wrong order?

I’m not a college student anymore (and I thought I was “busy” then??? HA!). I’ve found that over the years, those pesky pebbles have grown increasingly demanding for attention.

For as long as I’ve been alive, and for millennia prior to that, there have always been twenty-four hours in a day, seven days a week. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished away this simple fact of the universe…couldn’t we just add a little hour here or there?

Making priorities in my day-to-day life is hard and continues to get harder as my kids grow up. I’ve battled with the “busy life” for as long as I can remember.

Recently it occurred to me that maybe I need to stop battling. Life is busy, period, and wishful thinking will not change that. I just need to think differently about how I’m arranging my rocks. Do you relate? Then consider the ways you can make peace with the busy life.

Life to the full

At some point I came across what I believe is a false promise: that if I just do less or have fewer demands on my schedule, I will finally have peace.

But as I’ve said, I have NEVER not been “busy” to some degree.

Jesus proclaims in John 10:10 that his followers will have a full life. He does not say an “easy” life or a “convenient” life. In fact, as I wrote recently, we shouldn’t necessarily avoid stress because it can be good for us. Jesus does promise rest: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). But it isn’t because we’ve just cleared our lives of everything and are settled into early retirement. We feel restful because we have a shifted perspective and are trusting him with our burdens, not because we’re avoiding living a full life.

Understanding your rocks

Okay, so the first step to peace is surrendering our burdens by trusting God. What this means practically is faithfully prioritizing our lives and believing that God will fill help us fill in the gaps.

If you’re like, “That sounds great…but how?” —I’ve got you covered. Take five minutes and try this exercise, prayerfully. Write down the major categories of priorities in your life. Some suggestions include:

Faith
Marriage
Kids
Extended family
Community
Health
Home
Work

Under each category, write down the tasks that contribute to each priority. For example, if marriage is a priority, then going on dates with your spouse is a task that fits under that category. If health is a priority (as it should be), then specific self-care tasks could fall into that category. If kids are a priority, then family time and all of their activities fit into that category.

Be sure to make a mental note about which categories rank higher than others. This won’t be a perfect exercise because life naturally isn’t this compartmentalized, but it can be helpful. For example, my faith, marriage and kids are my top priorities, and everything else follows.

It doesn’t take long to paint a quick picture of what’s important to you. Suddenly all of those little things that cause unnecessary anxiety are recognized for what they are: small rocks.

Setting healthy limits

The book Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No, To Take Control of Your Life was a life-changing read for me. I first read it over ten years ago and read it again recently. The lessons are invaluable: learning to say “no” to the things that just don’t fit into the picture of a full life. I highly recommend you read this if you struggle with saying “yes” to everyone and everything.

When you’re planning your schedule (and trust me, you need one), keep those priorities handy. When something comes up, ask yourself: is this a big rock or a little rock? If it’s not as important as your other tasks, say no. It’s as simple as that. Or, see if you can fit it in at a different date.

For the past month, my household has been crazy busy with birthday parties, Father’s Day and visits with extended family. It has helped me immensely to remember that family and kids are among my top priorities, so I have said “yes” to a lot of partying and celebration. All of it makes me feel exhausted, so I have also prioritized some “rest periods” to help my little introverted soul recover. The result: my house has been just a notch below disaster at times, and I haven’t gotten around to household projects. But these are lower priorities, and I will add in these small rocks later when the higher priorities aren’t so demanding.

And, most importantly, I’m trusting that where I drop the ball, God will fill in the gaps.

Okay, your turn: do you battle with busyness? What do you need to shift in your perspective so that you can make peace with the busy life? I’m also thinking about creating a free printable for the priorities exercise—would you find that helpful? Let me know and I’ll get to work on it 🙂

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Why Stress Is Actually Good For You

May 27, 2016 by Gina Poirier 10 Comments

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

“What words to your mind when you think of the word ‘stress’?” I asked this question at a women’s devotional the other night (because obviously I was going to write a post about it!).

The women didn’t have a clue about what I was going to talk about, and here are the answers they gave me:

Overwhelmed
Anxiety
Anger
Under the gun
Negativity
Critical
Strangled
Bulldozed

I had to laugh as the answers got increasingly violent! What words come to your mind? Without knowing in advance what anyone would say, however, I wasn’t all that surprised that the answers were generally negative.

We are conditioned in thinking this way, are we not? Stress is bad for you; it causes all sorts of health problems; you need to decrease its presence in your life if you are to be a happy and healthy person.

This had been my mindset until very recently. If you’ve followed me at all regularly (especially in my newsletter updates), you might be aware that the last several months have been “stressful” for me. I’ve broken down a few times; I’ve talked about being in survival mode; I’ve worked hard to get a better grip on my schedule so I could have more sense of control in my life.

In the midst of all of this, I came across this book at the library:

I was intrigued. Very intrigued. (Yes, I am the type of person who picks up psychology research and reads it in their spare time for pleasure.)

The book, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It, completely transformed the way I view stress in everyday life. The author, Kelly McGonigal, is a professor of psychology at Stanford, so she kind of knows her stuff. I had a hard time believing its message at first, but the many case studies cited in this book can’t be ignored.

Defining Stress

It’s a broad term; I get stressed out when I have to pick out paint colors for my basement remodel. Other people get stressed out when they are forced to flee their homes and live in refugee camps. Can we even define these experiences under the same umbrella?

Yes, says McGonigal. While stressful experiences can vary widely in their extremity, they can all be beneficial in some way. So, broadly and simply defined, “Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake” (p. xxi). Whether it’s something silly like paint colors or something life-altering, it counts because it affects your state of being.

Perception Matters

Have you ever been to a stress management workshop? I have once, when I was working fulltime before I had kids. We learned all sorts of stress management techniques like deep breathing and setting limits, learning how to unwind, blah blah blah. Many workplaces offer similar trainings with the underlying assumption that stress is bad and it must be managed in order for workers to maintain high productivity.

Well guess what? You know what the biggest factor is when it comes to handling your stress successfully? Your perception of stress itself!

One of the case studies in the book examined employees at a company undergoing major changes, including massive layoffs. All of the workers were in a stressful situation, fearing for their job security as well as taking on larger workloads with the cutback in the workforce.

Most of the employees observed went through stress management workshops. Some of them were told that stress is bad and that they needed to keep it under control. Others were told that stress is good and was helping them stay motivated and grow in their skills. A control group did not undergo any stress management training.

So who do you think handled stress the best? All of the employees were under the same amount of stress. But in follow-up surveys, the ones who had received the positive view of stress did markedly better than the ones who had received the negative view. In fact, the employees with negative training did worse than the employees with no training at all!

Why is this? When you believe that stress is bad for you, here’s what can happen:

You’re more likely to seek distraction instead of dealing with the sources of your stress head-on. You avoid your feelings.
You’re more likely to turn to addictive behavior to help you cope (alcohol, food, excessive spending, etc.)
You’re more likely to withdraw from the relationship or the problem that is causing the stress.

But when you believe that stress is good for you:

You’re more accepting about the stressful situation being your unavoidable reality.
You’re more likely to plan a strategy to help you deal with the stress instead of just avoiding it.
You’re more likely to seek help and advice from others.
You’re more likely to look at the situation in a positive light and see how it can help you grow.

So…Why is Stress Good for You?

Okay, this all sounds well and good, but what about all of those studies that claim that stress is bad for you? Which view is correct?

McGonigal explains the fascinating history of the science of stress management. It all started in the 1930s with a Hungarian endocrinologist (hormones specialist) named Hans Selye. In short, he tortured a bunch of rats and observed that they died. So he drew the conclusion that “stress” was very harmful to your health. It was a little more complicated than that, but not much. So yes—extreme stress can obviously be harmful. Selye went on to be nominated for the Nobel prize and authored the first official guide to stress management. Interestingly, however, by the end of his career he tried to clarify that stress in itself actually isn’t bad; it is more complicated than that. But it was too little, too late. The field of “stress management” has been flourishing for decades.

In truth, the way your body responds to stressful situations is quite a marvel. While the book itself isn’t spiritual in any way, I think there are myriad spiritual implications. There’s a reason God created us with stress responses! They are healthy and they are GOOD.

Pretty much everyone has heard of our bodies going into a “fight or flight” response. And that is true; anyone who has every been in a car wreck can tell you how time seems to stand still and your senses are immensely heightened—so that you can focus all your energy on handling the situation.

But stress response is more complicated than that. What about ongoing situations? What about the aftermath of an emergency situation? Our brains go absolutely wild with hormones in different stress scenarios. McGonigal narrows them down to three types of responses:

Rise to the challenge: you focus your attention on the situation; your heart is pumping; your senses are heightened; you mobilize your energy; you’re more motivated; you sweat; you might be anxious or excited.
Connect with others: your “prosocial” instincts are ignited; your inhibitions and fears are dampened; courage increases; you reach out to connect with others; you become more sensitive; you have a strong desire to support, protect and defend people (parents, can you relate?).
Learn and grow: after a heightened response, your body strives to restore balance; it processes and integrates the experience and your brain literally grows; you replay the experience in your mind over and over to better understand it; you have a mix of emotions.

Hmmm. And we wonder why God made us this way?

McGonical points out that people who embrace stress well have more meaning and purpose in their lives. Even those who have been through severely traumatic circumstances can emerge as incredibly strong and even heroic people. That doesn’t mean that we need to seek out our own personal torture, but it does mean we shouldn’t be stressed out about…being stressed out. Stress is the way we exercise our brains and become stronger people.

Just having this perception and knowing what is going on with your brain and body can make a huge difference in how you process the stressful experiences in your life.

God Said It First

As I was reading this book, it dawned on me that—hello—this is not shocking information. Because it was in the Bible all along. For starters:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2–4)

In other words,

Trials (i.e. stress)–>Perseverance–>Maturity

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 3:3–5)

In other words,

Suffering (i.e. stress)–>Perseverance–>Character–>Hope

You know who probably understood this best? Jesus. He was pretty stressed out in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was crucified, praying and crying and sweating like a maniac. In fact, he was probably pretty stressed out his entire ministry (the only times he could get a moment to breathe by himself was out in the wilderness or on a mountain top!). And yet, he endured it all, so that we might follow his example:

…Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1–3)

When he calls people to take up their crosses and follow him (Luke 9:23), he doesn’t promise that it will be easy, or that it will be pleasant. A stressful life is a godly life. In fact, a stressful life is just life, period. We can try to run from it, or we can embrace it. And now even science says we should do the latter!

Ever since I first discovered this stress theory, I haven’t had less stress, but the perception of how stress is helping me grow has helped a lot. I hope that it also helps you.

How are you going to respond to stress, now that you’re equipped with this information? Do you think it’s accurate?

If you enjoyed this post, please consider subscribing and getting tips on faith, homemaking and family life from Holding the Distaff in your inbox. And just because I like ya, I’ll send you my Woman of Strength devotional for free. You can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest. Thanks for stopping by!

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

You Don’t Have To Be Happy All The Time

March 8, 2016 by Gina Poirier 8 Comments

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
—Ecclesiastes 1:2

Let me start by saying that I am generally a happy, optimistic person. I like being happy. I try to make others feel happy. This blog’s tagline is inspiration in the everyday—because I believe that inspiration is there when we look for it.

When I’m not happy, my immediate reflex is to think: What’s wrong with me?

This post was inspired by a bad day. I had some heavy thoughts weighing on my heart, about people suffering in the world among other things. The February sky was gray and the prairie winds howled but there was no snow on the ground; there had recently been a garbage day when cans had blown over and released their contents all over the neighborhood.

I was straight up #NotInspired.

I got to thinking about the author of Ecclesiastes, the great King Solomon. After living a full life (albeit full of mistakes), it seems like he was feeling pretty #NotInspired too.

Typically it’s good to fight your bad mood, to meditate on gratitude and choose joy. I read One Thousand Gifts a few years ago and it transformed the way I think about gratitude; I also recently shared about the science of choosing your thoughts.

But occasionally, no matter how I try I can’t shake the melancholy. On this particular day I had prayed and been to church, been around friends and tried to focus on the positive. Yet I was just feeling sad.

It occurred to me: Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me after all.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
[…] a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance […]
—Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

One of my favorite family movies is Disney Pixar’s Inside Out. I bawl my eyes out every time I watch it. Spoiler alert: the moral of the story is that Sadness is an essential part of a mature human being’s emotional core. As much as you try to kick it to the curb, you need it. And here’s the best part: without experiencing the depths of Sadness, you don’t get to experience Joy either.

This is a Biblical truth in that story. Jesus himself was a man who did not restrain himself from tears.

Jesus wept.
—John 11:35

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” [Jesus] said to them.
—Mark 4:34

For the joy set before him he endured the cross […]
—Hebrews 12:2

I recently learned that when we cry, we release stress hormones in our tears. In other words, crying is healthy.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
—Matthew 5:4

When Solomon laid out his anguish in Ecclesiastes, I believe it was his desperate cry for the savior who had not yet come. For those of us who know the fulfillment of that ache, we have more hope. And yet, sorrow remains.

Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and rejoicing may end in grief.
—Proverbs 14:13

We live in a world rife with pain and suffering. No matter what advances we make technologically and culturally, there’s nothing we can do to make them go away. People ask: Why would a loving God allow this? That’s a hard question, but I think it relates to the topic at hand here: we know sorrow so that we may know joy even more.

Fittingly, I have a hymn stuck in my head right now called No Tears in Heaven. It’s based on this verse:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
—Revelation 21:4

I believe this. Someday we won’t cry anymore. But we’re not there yet. The world isn’t there yet. And while we wait, it’s okay to cry.

Far too often in my life I have run away from gloomy feelings. They’re scary and make me feel uncomfortably exposed. But I’m learning to embrace them. Explore them. Find healing and even hope in them.

If Jesus was okay with being sad then I should be too.

Are you comfortable with sorrow? How do you explore your sorrows in a way that is healing and ultimately leads to joy? Leave a comment below or on social media.

Like what you read? Subscribe and get updates from Holding the Distaff in your inbox. You can also like my Facebook page. Thanks for reading!

***Disclaimer*** I am not a psychologist. I’m aware that many people suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, and these are real health conditions that you do not simply talk yourself out of. I hope that you find this post helpful, but please don’t take this as medical advice.

(All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™)

From Despair to Hope: The Science of Choosing Your Thoughts

February 16, 2016 by Gina Poirier 12 Comments

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

Today I have a very special guest post from my mom, Sheryll. She lives with me and I have been able to witness firsthand this process: the daily practice of choosing your thoughts. I asked her to write about this because of the changes I have seen in her as well as the excitement she has stirred among our family and friends. This is real and practical inspiration in the everyday! —Gina

It was Dec 15^th, 2015 and I was at Starbucks writing about my resolutions for the upcoming New Year. Sitting there with my warm steamy drink, I stared at the blank page in my journal and felt like a hopeless case.

I tried to drum up some enthusiasm about the year to come, a chance for a fresh start and to stick to my new plan, but these thoughts poured into my head:

“Why are you even bothering with this? You never stick to any daily commitments that you make. Your track record is terrible for lasting change. You have a few daily habits that are good, but you don’t have any daily habits that matter. Where would you start anyway? There are so many things you need to change. You’re 61 years old and you continue to do the same thing year after year…get excited, start something new and then quit! YOU’RE HOPELESS…YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE”

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It was true; long term commitments that take daily practice have never been my forte. I was the “A” student who crammed for tests the night before. But the fact remains that deep change of mind or behavior cannot happen by occasional “cramming.”

I thought that one possibility would be to give it up and just accept that this is who I have always been and always will be. After all, I’m getting older and I can choose to just be satisfied with my non-committal personality…but I’m a Christian and that puts me in a conundrum. With God, I know I am loved even with my flaws, but to not respond to that love makes me feel terribly incomplete.

I became a Christian five years ago for many reasons. One of the main ones was to know what real love is. Well, since then I’ve learned that to know love is to know God and to be loving is to be more like Christ. But it takes daily work to change your thoughts and behavior. Not my forte.

So there I was at Starbucks, in despair and ready to close my journal and give it up. But I decided to involve God in my dilemma. (This is another bad habit I have…going to God last instead of first!). This is the prayer I wrote in my journal:

“God, I BEG you to let me know CLEARLY where to start. I need something simple to do daily God…daily. I pray you will infuse yourself in me and I will be transformed to be one with You.”

And then I started the drive home. On the way I passed Barnes and Noble, and I really wanted to go there. I am sort of an addict when it comes to buying books…especially in the self-help area. After this long and nasty talk I had with myself, buying another self-help book to read and not applying it to my life was not going to help.

I said to myself, “Don’t do it. Don’t go there!” But of course, I couldn’t resist the temptation and found myself walking down the aisle directly to the Christian self-help section. Immediately, this book caught my eye: Switch on Your Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf. The author is a communication pathologist who has worked in the area of cognitive neuroscience for 30 years. She does research on how scientific principles are supported by Scripture and vice versa.

Choosing Your Thoughts

I love brain science (I have a Master’s degree in psychology), and I have always believed that the thoughts we choose make a profound difference in our lives. But here are some of the things I found in her book that I didn’t know, showing me that science is finally catching up to what Scripture already had to say a long time ago:

The brain is not a fixed and hardwired machine. We can literally change the physical structure of our brains with our own choices. In other words, we are not hopeless victims.

Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. —Romans 12:2

DNA can change shape according to our thought patterns (which we can control).

I have set before you life and death, blessing and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live. —Deuteronomy 30:19

Toxic (sinful) thoughts show up as shadows on our brain scans and healthy thoughts look like trees. It takes 21 days to create a positive thought tree; after just seven days it looks like a little bud. We can wire out toxic thoughts and wire in healthy, life-giving thoughts.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. —Philippians 4:8

Besides a wealth of exciting information, Dr. Leaf outlines a 21-day Brain Detox Plan. She states that if done for 7-10 minutes a day, after 21 days it has been scientifically proven to physically change your brain!

Against my own commitment not to buy any more self-help books, I walked out of the store with this book in hand. As I sat at home reading it, this suddenly dawned on me: God had answered my prayer! I wasn’t intentionally trying to find an answer at the time. In fact, I thought I was being rebellious and self-indulgent when I made the purchase. Yes, God certainly works in strange ways!

I have been doing this program for over a month now, which involves spending time each day focusing on one positive thought that is backed up in Scripture (yes, of course I miss a day here and there…remember, I’m noncommittal in nature). Overall, I feel it has changed me in many ways. Mostly, I am aware that God is with me all the time and I feel more peace and hope. That is probably because of the thoughts I intentionally programmed into my brain. One of my favorites is:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. —John 15:4

Dr. Leaf makes it clear that her book is different than popular self-help books that encourage positive thinking. She believes that our life-giving thoughts must be connected to the truth that is found only in God and his Word. I couldn’t agree more, because when my positive thoughts connect only to me, I miss the Love and Truth that are larger and more accurate than my little self-fulfilling universe.

Every single thought we have is a choice. And each thought choice can either promote death or life in ourselves and those around us. It is up to each individual to choose life. As Jesus said,

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. —John 10:10

Gina here again—well, what do you think? If you’re intrigued, then definitely try out this method yourself and let us know how it goes, either in the comments or on any of my social media pages.