It’s the holiday season! Which means lots of fun, celebration, aaaand…

..for many of us, a good healthy dose of stress and burnout. 

These are often accompanied by lovely side effects including binge eating of Christmas cookies, temper tantrums, family squabbles and a hefty credit card bill.

If this is you—and you’re in good company if it is, my friend—I have good news and bad news. Bad news first: holiday stress is unavoidable. (Unless you just choose not to participate, which in my opinion would be sad.)

Now the good news: there are some things within your control that can help you experience a much more restful Christmas season, even with the added stress.

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Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

10 Tips for a More Restful Christmas

One of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn as a mom, wife and homemaker is that I am in charge of my daily decisions. God is ultimately in control of what happens to me, but I choose how to respond. So if my schedule is too busy and everyone is cranky and we miss the “meaning of Christmas,” I can’t just blame the season or society for making our lives difficult.

I lecture myself periodically about this because it’s all too easy to just throw my hands up and succumb to the madness…

You don’t have to succumb to the madness either. If you want a more restful, meaningful, peaceful Christmas with your family, I have a few practical ways you can prepare yourself for the season.

1. Anchor Yourself in Christ

It’s catchy to say that “Jesus is the reason for the season;” yet around December, he kinda gets kicked to the curb. And I’m not talking about the debate whether you should say “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays;” I’m talking about personally being in his presence on a daily basis.

There are a lot of ways to practice a dynamic relationship with Christ (see more ideas on how to read the Bible, how to pray and my quiet time bucket list). One practice to consider at this time of year is observing Advent.

Advent is part of the liturgical calendar (a fancy word for worship calendar) that some churches follow. It comes from the Latin word adventus, which means “coming.” During the season of Advent, you reflect on the coming of Christ.

In nature, winter is a time of year that is slow and quiet. It begs us to stop. Listen. Reflect. Meditate. Rest. (Quite the opposite of the holiday hustle and bustle!) This is the spirit of Advent, as you anticipate God’s greatest gift and prepare to celebrate Jesus’s arrival.

Whether or not your church follows a liturgical calendar, you can still take this time to reflect on and pray about the meaning of Advent in your daily times with God. I tend to gravitate towards reading the beginning of Matthew and Luke during this time of year, as well as messianic prophecies.

Advent devotionals are also pretty easy to come by. I love Arabah Joy’s prayer journals, so this year I am using Praying the Names of Jesus: An Advent Prayer Journal.

Learn More

By the way, anchoring yourself in Christ should be something we practice year-round! I’ve rounded up my favorite scriptures for moms in every season; access them here.

2. Anchor Your Family in Christ

My daughter recently asked for an Advent calendar. Not because she was wanting to participate in Advent, but because she’d seen an ad for a cool calendar with a surprise you can open every day as you count down to The Biggest Toy Day.

Sigh. Turns out I’m not the only one who needs a heart check around the holidays.

I really enjoy participating in the magic feeling of Christmastime with little ones, including the gift part, but kids’ hearts are naturally going to be pulled towards all the cool things they’re going to get under the tree.

It takes some intention on our part as parents to keep our family focused on why we celebrate.

I did ultimately get an “Advent calendar” with a little gift to open each day. But instead of a toy, it’s an ornament they get to open, which has a corresponding family devotional we get to read each day.

By December 25, we’ll get to put a star on the tree and will have discovered The Wonder of the Greatest Gift.

And the kids are pretty excited about it! It turns out they just like to open things.

This is otherwise known as a “Jesse tree,” a decorative tree used during Advent to retell the stories of the Bible that lead to Jesus’s birth. Jesse was King David’s father and an ancestor of Jesus (hence why Jesus is called the “Branch of Jesse” in the Bible). I was surprised to learn that this tradition goes back to the Middle Ages! So while it has gained popularity in recent years, it’s certainly no passing fad.

I love it.

There are other ways we can keep our family focused on Christ during the Christmas season like listening to worshipful Christmas music and reading the story of the nativity. We also try to get the focus off ourselves and on others, such as volunteering and donating to gift drives to the less fortunate.

I know it can feel overwhelming to think of worshipful traditions as more things to mark of on your long Christmas “to-do” list. But it helps to remember that:

• Worshiping God is the heart of the holiday.
• It doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, it shouldn’t be.

3. Identify Your Priorities

For the first few Christmases I shared with my husband, I wasn’t really sure what I even wanted it to look like and worried whether we were doing it the way we “should.” It got more complicated when we added kids to the equation. How should we approach Santa, stockings, outings, crafts, food, travel…and on and on?

The truth is, for a restful Christmas, you can’t do all the things. You can’t see all the people, send all the cards, have the perfect house and make all the food. You can’t spend all the money either.

But you can choose what’s most important.

I believe in the power of writing things down. There’s something about writing on paper that makes you commit a bit more to your intentions. To be intentional about a more restful Christmas, I recommend writing down your vision for it early (I’m talking like October or early November).

I wrote the following statement in my planner this year: 

This holiday season, my priorities are:

• Growing in and celebrating Christ
• Loving others (community, family and friends)
• Laughter
• Coziness
• Great food

Now, as I plan out my schedule and budget, I read that statement. If what I’m planning doesn’t contribute to that vision, then it’s not going to make it on the calendar.

I encourage you to write out a similar statement with 4–5 things that you can focus on. Put it somewhere visible so that you can remember those priorities when life starts to get a little too busy.

4. Pick Your Favorite Traditions

Danger: when you look at your priorities, it can be tempting to want to do multiple things that contribute to the best Christmas ever.

But you don’t have to visit every relative, volunteer at 50 events and make 50 types of Christmas cookies. If you can do one thing loving for your community, one thing that creates coziness, one thing that celebrates Christ, and so on, you can be content with that. In fact, you might find that simplicity is the most effective approach.

There will be some years when you won’t be able to do as much. Maybe you’re in the middle of a move or have a newborn. Perhaps you’re having health issues or it was just a busy year and you’re just exhausted.

It’s okay. Take a deep breath.

Write down some of your favorite family traditions (or the ones you want to start). Do they match your priorities, in a balanced way? 

Next, write down one tradition under each priority that you can realistically accomplish this year.

The ones that didn’t make the cut? Write those down as “maybes.” Play it by ear, and if you feel like they would contribute to your priorities, then add them in.

If you don’t get to do everything you hoped you would, could you perhaps do it next year? There are some things that our family does some years but not every year. And I like it that way.

5. Plan Your Calendar

A wise person once said, “You run your schedule. It doesn’t run you.” 

If you’ve already set your priorities and identified the most important traditions that you want to keep this year, then this part should be a piece of cake. (Or fudge. Or sugar cookies.)

I’m a big fan of time blocking, which is exactly what it sounds like: breaking your time into blocks and planning tasks accordingly. At the beginning of the week, I look at my Google calendar and take note of my appointments. Then I look at my priorities for the week and plan out when I can fit them in.

You can see my process in more detail: The Ultimate Time Management Guide for Moms.

When you do this, you’re in control of what goes on the calendar…and what stays off.

I also recommend spacing out must-do holiday tasks like shopping, decorating, volunteering, baking, gift wrapping, party planning and so on. If you squeeze it into one weekend, you will die. Or are least get really, really cranky.

So while it’s not terrible to wait until the last minute, you’re going to thank yourself later if you can not be frantically wrapping all the gifts well into the late hours on Christmas Eve. (Not like I’d know anything about that, cough cough.)

Lastly, leave margin in your schedule. Every. Day. Because life happens in the form of bad weather, traffic, misunderstandings, emotions, messes and illnesses. This is just good advice in general, but during the holidays it’s even more vital! Plus, it gives you the opportunity to act spontaneously from time to time, which I’d argue is vital for your soul.

6. Plan Your Budget

Okay, so honestly, money is one of the areas that can cause the most stress around Christmas. I’ve worked on budgeting for holidays in the past…but following those budgets hasn’t gone so well.

I think I just haven’t been realistic about the kind of Christmas we want to have and the amount of money that kind of Christmas costs.

If your budget isn’t working, you either have to change your expectations so that you can spend less or, if possible, put more money aside so that those expectations can be met.

In the past, I’ve found that I simply forget how much stuff costs. When you budget for the holidays, remember to include, when applicable:

• Gifts for family (plan out for individuals!)
• Gifts for community (school, work, etc.)
• Charitable giving
• Family outings
• Extra or more expensive groceries
• Dining out
• Holiday apparel
• Decorations
• Less income if you don’t get holiday pay
• Travel expenses
• Childcare during parties or winter break
• Postage and printing for Christmas cards

When you write it all out like this, it’s obvious why it is so easy to go over budget!

Ideally, you should be planning for the holidays months ahead of time; otherwise, you’ll be caught on your heels come December. But even if you’re late in the game, just being aware of all the hidden expenses can help you not go overboard.

Jessi Fearon has some great info on this: Holiday Budget Planning.

7. Communicate with Your Family

So all this planning I’m talking about for a restful Christmas…let me back up a bit. Chances are, you’re not the only one with needs and opinions in your household.

As I said above, my husband and I had different experiences growing up, and thus, we have different expectations about Christmas. If we’re not communicating about what those expectations are, we’re on track to get into a fight.

Related: Marriage Communication Skills That Prevent Fighting

And yes, we’ve had a few Christmas-related arguments over the years.

I’m the one in the marriage who’s more inclined to detailed planning, so I just have to be sure to talk to him about what I’m thinking. We have regular conversations during the holiday season where we discuss things like:

• Priorities this year
• Budget
• Shopping lists
• Family calendar
• Extended family expectations
• Parties and other commitments
• Food
• Decorations

We try to make time every night to connect and talk if we need to. Each week we go over the schedule. I also try to make a point around mid-November to talk about our priorities and plans before the chaos begins.

My friend Elizabeth wrote some hilarious and wise thoughts on this: Have Yourself a Merry Married Christmas.

As the kids get older, they tend to have their own expectations as well. Talk about it around the table!

Lastly, communicate with your extended family and friends, once you’re clear about your expectations within your household.

8. Keep Your Blinders On

I think I may need to limit my time on Instagram during the holiday season. I see beautiful, simplistic living room arrangements with gorgeous trees cut by hand in the mountains, with matching embossed stockings over a warm fireplace.

We have a tree. Right next to the Barbie house and the play kitchen, because the family room also happens to be the playroom. I think I bought the stockings on clearance and wrote the kids’ names in Sharpie on the inside so we could tell them apart. Maybe we have firewood somewhere in the garage? I’m pretty sure it has been over a year since we used the fireplace for you know…burning logs.

I am more than two decades out of junior high, yet I still fall into the comparison trap. 

Some other family is probably going to decorate better, cook better, give better gifts, be more spiritual and have more fun than your family. So what? 

If your family is anchored in Christ, focusing on your priorities and traditions, and you’re communicating well, it shouldn’t matter what other people are doing.

9. Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

As hard as you try, sometimes the source of stress at Christmastime isn’t your lack of planning or intention. It’s the other people: family, co-workers, neighbors and friends.

The first step minimizing your agony about everyone else is to remember that you are not responsible for their thoughts, feelings and general attitudes. You can take ownership of yourself and, to some extent, your family.

Recognizing your separateness and taking ownership for what you rightly should is called setting boundaries.

You won’t make everyone happy.

You can’t do everything.

You are allowed to say no.

What’s more, you can be kind and compassionate about communicating these limits.

There’s a lot I could say about this, as boundaries have been some of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered as an adult. If you’re not familiar with boundaries, then I highly recommend putting Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend on your Christmas list!

10. Choose Rest

Hopefully it’s clear by now that you may have more control than you think over how the holiday season goes. Will there be unexpected surprises, busyness and drama? Most likely. But will you be at peace about it? That’s up to you.

Rest is a choice. When I leave more space in myt heart and in my schedule and stop trying to respond to all the “shoulds” in my life, I’ve seen God work in the best ways.

Don’t forget, rest is also about caring for yourself. Just because it’s busy doesn’t give you license to sacrifice sleep and sanity.

Related: Weekly Self-Care Routine + Printable Checklist for Tired Mamas.

I hope you feel refreshed knowing that you can have a restful Christmas, my friend! Which of these tips can you put into practice this year?

Are you someone who knows you “should” read the Bible more, but whenever you try, you feel stuck, confused, unmotivated and discouraged?

Well, don’t feel too bad. I’ve been there. Many times.

Can I just be honest? The Bible is hard to read.

The poetry is difficult to understand. The cultural references go over my head. The repetitive nature of the Old Testament doesn’t exactly make beach reading. Don’t even get me started on “apocryphal writing.”

What’s more, it can be hard to know where to start, or even to want to start, when dealing with heavy emotions like grief, fear, disappoint or anger.

I’ll say it again: the Bible is hard to read. I don’t know that many Christians are totally honest about this, because we feel guilty saying it. So we don’t talk about it…and when it comes to really understanding it, many of us get stuck.

For those of you who are going to argue with me, I do think that the gospel message is quite simple and doesn’t require a theology degree. Furthermore, I don’t think that it’s ever wasted time to read the Bible, even when you don’t fully understand what it’s saying (see Isaiah 55:10–11 and Romans 10:17).

But if I’m going to “live on every word” as Jesus did (Matthew 4:4), I have to do more than read a verse, scratch my head, stare off into space, and then see if there is something more interesting on Facebook happening at the moment. (Speaking from experience, folks.)

Personally, I’ve found it immensely helpful and freeing to have the right tools for discovering the Bible for myself. Over the past couple of years I’ve expanded my repertoire in spiritual disciplines quite a bit, and I’m eager to share what has helped me. So, if you’re ever stuck when trying to read the Bible, I hope they’re as useful to you.

Related Post: Quiet Time Bucket List: 20+ Ways to Build Intimacy with God

Sarah Noltner

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

Consider More Than Just Reading

When I think about reading a book, I imagine myself sitting in a comfy chair during my free time with a cup of tea, starting at the front cover, and reading each page in order until I’m done (if the kids will let me, but that’s another story). A good book will keep me engaged with an interesting plot and descriptive writing if it’s fiction, or thought-provoking insights and sound arguments if it’s non-fiction.

But the Bible does not work like that. If I were to assess it by my modern tastes and preferences for entertainment, it is not a “good book.” (I know. Call me a heretic and cast me out.)

If you’ve ever tried to read the Bible cover to cover, did you stall at all? Maybe you even tried various methods, like reading through it in various chunks over the course of a year, or going through it chronologically.

I’ve done those things, and I actually do recommend going through the whole Bible periodically so you can gain familiarity with the whole text. But honestly? If all you do aspire to do is check off Bible reading plans (if you can even get through them), you might be missing out.

Consider Psalm 119:10–16:

I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
Praise be to you, Lord;
teach me your decrees.
With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.
I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.
I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.

That doesn’t sounds like someone who is simply reading words and then checking off the reading assignment for the day. He is consuming them, meditating on them, rejoicing them, memorizing them, internalizing them.

I used to think that I’d had a good “quiet time” after I had read the Bible and prayed. Check and check. I like checks in boxes. But what does it mean to “read” the Bible anyway, aside from just getting through the text in your reading plan? It turns out, there’s a lot more to it!

I found this article helpful: Bible Reading Plans Vs. Bible Study.

Get a Fresh Perspective

When you hear the same things over and over again, they can start to have a mind-numbing effect. This can especially be true with stories you heard as a kid that read more like lullabies than life-changing truth.

A fresh perspective on the Bible can snap you out of the lullaby effect. A good Bible teacher will help you reconsider what you’ve read a million times, ask the hard questions and help you gain a new understanding. You’ll be eager to dig into the Scriptures further on your own after considering the teaching, as the Bereans did after they met the apostle Paul in Acts 17:11.

Personally, the BEMA Discipleship podcast has done this for me. It presents narrative of the Bible from a perspective I haven’t considered much: a Jewish one.

It’s easy to forget that the writers of the Bible were addressing an ancient Jewish audience—Jesus and his disciples included. Most of us read the Bible from a modern, Western perspective—not to mention translated into a different language—so that we miss so much of what scripture is actually saying (and not saying).

In the podcast, Marty Solomon explores what Jewish rabbis teach about the Scriptures, from creation up through the New Testament. I was shocked at how much I didn’t know, even after I’ve been studying the Bible for years.

It’s quite humbling.

(Fun fact: my husband and I enjoy the podcast so much that we reached out to Marty and his cohost Brent and got to grab lunch with them when we were traveling through their area on vacation.)

Even if BEMA doesn’t do it for you, go on the hunt for a great teacher who makes you think, especially if you’re stuck when it comes to reading the Bible. Maybe it’s a theologian or apologist. Maybe it’s someone you know personally who has a lot of knowledge and can guide you. If you don’t know who it is, I encourage you to pray that God will lead you to someone.

Discover the Bible with Spiritual Disciplines

Did you know that there are endless ways you can dig into the Bible besides just, well, reading it? There’s a newer-to-me concept called “spiritual disciplines,” which are basically ways that you strengthen your spiritual muscles with daily diligence. If you’re reading feels a bit stale and you’re feeling stuck, trying one of these is a great way to freshen up your quiet times:

Memorizing Scripture: This practice was pretty standard if you were raised in a Jewish household during Jesus’ time. Memorizing long passages of scripture is an ancient practice that has been practiced less and less as the Bible has become more accessible (i.e. we’ve become lazy).

You have to be intentional about on a daily basis if you are going to make any serious progress. I’ll be honest: I’ve tried with minimal success to memorize verses on notecards, but I always lose momentum.

Currently I’m taking a different approach. Instead of picking short passages, I’m simply working through books of the Bible. Right now I’m in Proverbs, memorizing one section at a time. Once I’ve memorized a section, I move on to the next one—I might not be able to quote the whole thing from memory a year from now, but I’ll certainly have a lot of it internalized!

Copying scripture: I don’t know why I didn’t discover this idea years ago, but I love it now! You don’t need anything special to make this work; just spend a few minutes copying a passage onto paper. By writing it, you’ll spend a lot more time processing it and internalizing the message. (Writing can also be a part of your memorization process.)

While I think there’s value in writing through larger portions of scripture, I’ve also enjoyed using my Write the Word journals if I just need some quick ideas about where to start. If you’re ever drawing a blank or are stuck, just open up your next entry and start writing!

Praying through scripture: Who ever said praying and Bible reading had to be two separate practices? I’ve found that I’ve been able to get a lot more out of both by engaging my heart and mind in prayer while reading a passage.

The Psalms are some of the more natural places to start when looking for inspiration in your prayer life. Either read them and pray them as they’re written, or expound on them in your own words, either aloud or in a journal. I walk through the Psalms for an entire week in the Teach Me to Pray Journal if you want more guidance.

Sometimes you may want to pray through a particular topic. I recently went through Praying the Promises of the Cross by Arabah Joy, which gives you a verse a day to pray through, based on the promises God offers throughout the Bible. This is helpful because it has prayer prompts that will teach you how to do this.

Related post: How to Pray When You Just Can’t Focus

Journaling Scripture: The possibilities are endless when it comes to putting pen to paper. Simply by copying down scripture and already praying through it, as described above, you can dig into your Bible pretty deeply. Beyond that, I’ve found it helpful to write my responses to certain passages, look up words and concepts, and map out themes. While it may sound intimidating to start, practicing the habit of keeping a journal open whenever you read can prompt you. You might even like a journaling Bible, which you can use to write in the margins or to do artistic Bible journaling in.

Meditating on Scripture:The word “meditate” is instructed multiple times throughout the Bible, and it means to think deeply about the text. This practice can feel a bit uncomfortable if you’re not used to it, but I’ve found it worth the effort.

Pick a short passage and let it sit in your mind as you either read it a few times, copy it, or repeat it. Relax your mind and body. Let its meaning sink in for a few minutes and ask God for guidance. Don’t worry if you lose focus or aren’t sure if you’re doing it right. Try it a few times and see what moves your spirit.

Dig Deeper Through Bible Study Methods

If you’re still not sure how to approach Bible reading, having someone coach you through techniques can be very helpful. Awhile back I came across in a class called Bible Study Methods, taught by one of my favorite Christian bloggers, Arabah Joy. In it she outlines the following:

Verse mapping: This simple system involves writing a passage of scripture, making observations about the text, studying words and context and concluding with a personal application.

Word study: This method zooms in to look at the origin, meaning and uses of a particular word in scripture. The goal is to learn as thoroughly as possible a writer’s original intent by the word he used.

“APPLE” method: For any passage of scripture, look for these components: Attributes of God’s character, Promises from God, Principles for living, Lesson learned and Example to follow.

Topical study: Take a look at God’s word on any given topic. This method considers every scripture related to your topic in order to gain God’s perspective, instruction, revelation ad understanding, as well as a personal application.

“TASTE” method: When looking at a passage of scripture, follow these steps: Talk to God before reading, Ask him to speak, read the Scripture, Take two minutes to listen quietly and Explore the passage.

Lectio Divina: This phrase is Latin for “divine reading” and simply involves combining scripture reading with prayer and meditation. This devotional method of studying the scriptures has been used by Christians for centuries.

Chapter summary: This method is a way of understanding the contents of a chapter of scripture and involves reading through the chapter multiple times, asking a series of questions and summarizing your discoveries.

Learn More

This is a course I’ve enjoyed going through a couple of times to refresh my understanding and get new ideas about how to study my Bible better. I’ve enjoyed verse mapping and word study the most, but have tried them all.

And if you want to dig deeper like this but don’t even know what passages to start with I’ve got multiple scripture lists I lovingly call “mama verses” that you can download for free in my collection of free resources for email subscribers. I compiled them based on different emotions and experiences most moms go through at one time or another.

Are You Stuck Reading the Bible Because You Don’t Have Much Time?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been frustrated with spending my time in God’s word because I was interrupted, or I was too tired to focus. If you’re in a season (like being a mom of little kids) when you don’t have as much time, don’t let that discourage you from doing what you can.

In my experience, a grace-filled “do what you can, when you can” approach has been very helpful. Some daily practices like scripture meditation, journaling and memorization can be done in five minutes or less. My husband and I have also enjoyed the BEMA podcast because it’s easy to listen to while commuting, working out or doing housework.

As much as possible, make your Bible reading a routine, whether that’s when you first wake up, at lunch, before bed or while your kids are eating breakfast. If you feel like you can’t get enough in one sitting, break it up! Currently I spend about fifteen minutes journaling, praying and memorizing scripture before listening to BEMA or another educational podcast or class while working out. I’m also a fan of spending time with God as a family, so we do prayers and family devotionals at different points in the day and week.

If your current routine isn’t working, try something else. What works now might be different than what you did a year ago, and it will continue to evolve.

Related post: Daily Quiet Times: How Busy, Tired Moms Can Get Motivated

I hope you’ve found some of my recent journeys into the Bible helpful in your own studies and discovery. If you’re a mom who is looking to strengthen your relationship with God in the chaos of everyday life, be sure to check out loads of resources I offer!

Your turn: do you ever get stuck reading the Bible? Which of these tips would you like to try, or what’s worked for you?

“I just feel like I’ve lost my joy,” she told me one day over coffee and a few tears. “And as a Christian, I feel horrible about that.”

My friend was in the situation many of us find ourselves in: taking care of kids (or something else) and trying to keep our acts together while we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and downright cranky about all. And to top it all off, we feel guilty for not being more joyful.

I wish I could have told her the magic formula, something like prayer + Bible study = joy. And there have certainly been times when I have naively thought it should be that simple.

But in response I simply gave her a hug and maybe cried a little myself. Because in truth, life is hard. Joy isn’t always an automatic response just because you’re a Christian.

Yet on the other hand, the Bible does instruct us to rejoice always, in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I mean really, God? (He says yes, really.)

Guilherme Stecanella

So how, exactly, do we have more joy, even when life is really, really tough?

I’ll try to handle this carefully, since I truly don’t think there’s a formula. But here are a few things I like to remember that help my own heart feel more joy when the circumstances bring anything but.

How to Have Joy in Any Circumstance

You can read my four tips to more joy by clicking over to my guest post at Equipping Godly Women: How to Have Joy in Any Circumstance.

Here’s a hint if you want a sneak peek: filling your mind with truth! And I’ve got a bunch of Bible verses that do just that. Click here to sign up for Mama Verses printables and other helpful resources to help a mama’s heart to choose joy.