“I just feel like I’ve lost my joy,” she told me one day over coffee and a few tears. “And as a Christian, I feel horrible about that.”

My friend was in the situation many of us find ourselves in: taking care of kids (or something else) and trying to keep our acts together while we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and downright cranky about all. And to top it all off, we feel guilty for not being more joyful.

I wish I could have told her the magic formula, something like prayer + Bible study = joy. And there have certainly been times when I have naively thought it should be that simple.

But in response I simply gave her a hug and maybe cried a little myself. Because in truth, life is hard. Joy isn’t always an automatic response just because you’re a Christian.

Yet on the other hand, the Bible does instruct us to rejoice always, in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I mean really, God? (He says yes, really.)

Guilherme Stecanella

So how, exactly, do we have more joy, even when life is really, really tough?

I’ll try to handle this carefully, since I truly don’t think there’s a formula. But here are a few things I like to remember that help my own heart feel more joy when the circumstances bring anything but.

How to Have Joy in Any Circumstance

You can read my four tips to more joy by clicking over to my guest post at Equipping Godly Women: How to Have Joy in Any Circumstance.

Here’s a hint if you want a sneak peek: filling your mind with truth! And I’ve got a bunch of Bible verses that do just that. Click here to sign up for Mama Verses printables and other helpful resources to help a mama’s heart to choose joy.

Welcome friend! If you’re wanting to learn more about how to pray creatively and consistently, you’ve come to the right place, because this has been my struggle too. If you like this post, be sure to also check out this free prayer journal.

Amaury Salas

In an ideal world, I wake up after 8 ½ hours of sleep each morning before anyone else is stirring, stroll out to my kitchen and patiently brew a pot of coffee.

I sit out on my back deck with my Bible in my lap or go for a walk, enjoying the picture-perfect day. I praise God for the wonders of creation, feel joyful in his presence and faithfully present my requests to him in prayer.

Then I welcome the rest of my family to the day, lead my kids through a peaceful morning routine and pretty much knock the socks off the rest of my day, like any Christian supermom should.

It’s a nice picture, isn’t it? Take a moment and indulge in this fantasy with me.

 

Now let’s get real.

Does the following sound familiar?

I roll out of bed a liiiiiittle (or a lot) later than the ideal. As quietly as I try to move, my kids’ spider senses go off and I say goodbye to any opportunity to be alone.

I try to focus my attention on something spiritual for a few minutes after breakfast, but then my mind is full of all the to-dos and shoulds for the day. There are dishes to do, places to be, tasks to finish and minimal quiet. Before I know it, it’s 11 p.m. and I’m too tired to put a cohesive thought together.

It’s hard to connect with God sometimes, especially when life is so demanding.

I’ve been in that second scenario more times than I’d like to admit. But a personal relationship with God is my number one priority. As life (especially as a mom) has demanded the most of my time and energy, I’ve had to get creative about how to talk to my Father in a deep and meaningful way.

As challenging as it can be in life’s busyness, it’s worth the effort to explore how grow in prayer as a spiritual discipline. I’ve spent a lot of time in this area over the past couple of years—when my life has been hectic and I’ve need connection with God more than ever.

While there are certainly times I need to carve out more time, I’ve found that with the right focus and intent, I can go deep with God in about ten minutes or less. And even if I get interrupted, those precious moments can go a long way!

Related post: How to Pray When You Just Can’t Focus

Creative Ways to Pray

Head on over to my guest post at Equipping Godly Women: Too Busy to Pray? 3 Creative Solutions You Have to Try

If you want more guidance, be sure to check out my free prayer journal + email tips:

Do you have any more suggestions? How do you pray creatively, even when you’re really busy?

One of the reasons motherhood is so hard is because it puts all of your coping mechanisms and other defenses under pressure.

It can be a bit a bit of a shock when, due to sleep deprivation and stress, your self-control cracks and this crying, yelling, angry, anxious, depressed, crazy person emerges.

It’s scary to be stripped down to some of your uglier nature that you work so hard to hide. But it doesn’t have to break you (and even if it does, that’s okay). I truly believe this is the only path to growth. You might not ever stop being a little crazy, but hopefully over time you’ll get a little less crazy.

Ionut Coman Photographer

My Journey Becoming a Better Version of Myself

I’ve been a mom for nearly a decade now. And nothing has helped me grow into a better version of myself than all of those crazy, ugly moments that being a mom can trigger.

I’ve learned a lot on this journey, including a clearer understanding of the gifts God has given me and how I can use them in my current (crazy) circumstances. Children, while sometimes burdensome to me, are not burdensome to the gospel (quite the opposite, because wiping noses for Jesus is legit!). And while it’s so easy to put my need for for self-care and rest LAST, it has been so freeing to discover that this is something I can and should seek, without guilt, to find freedom.

I would love to share more about this journey, so would you like to get a cup of coffee? As much as I would love to be able to magically travel the globe and meet up with all of my besties I get to talk to via this blog, it’s obviously impossible. So instead, how about you listen to the Life Around the Coffee Cup podcast interview I did with Leah Heffner?

Leah loves talking about mamas using their gifts in the chaos of home and motherhood. We probably could have talked for hours about that, as well as how we’re learning to practice Sabbath in our families.

So pull up a chair and listen to our conversation right here: Life Around the Coffee Cup Podcast Episode 38.

What about you? How has motherhood made you a better version of yourself?

You’ve probably heard about the “Proverbs 31 woman”—this icon of Christian womanhood—but how much do you really know about her? The more I’ve studied her, the more I’ve discovered that many people don’t really understand this intriguing passage of Scripture. Have you believed any of these myths?

Nick Karvounis

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

The Proverbs 31 Woman—10 Myths Explained

We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be godly—that sense that you are a failure as a woman?

— John and Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, p. 6.

Oh, the “Proverbs 31 woman.” I have a bit of a fascination with her, and so do others. Ministries and businesses are named after her.

Some women love her. Many aspire to be her. Others feel guilt and worthlessness; some despise her.

Do we really understand her?

Captivating (quoted above), by John and Staci Eldredge, is all about women living to their full potential, the way God created them to be. It’s worth reading if you want to explore the heart of biblical femininity. The quote pretty much slams the near-goddess status of Mrs. 31. It says, “she has sanctified the shame.”

But has she? Or have we?

I don’t think the Eldredges’ intent was to pick apart the woman herself (this is in the Bible, after all), but rather to pick apart the common way she is perceived. And I agree that this idea of a woman who is too good for the rest of us to imitate is a false understanding of biblical womanhood.

The more I’ve dug into Proverbs 31, I’ve discovered that I was missing much of what it communicates. It is difficult to understand at face value, which is why I think so many of us have a knee-jerk response when we read it.

Want to understand this passage better, and ditch the guilt and shame? Throw out some of the following myths.

Want to do some more in-depth study? Be sure to to check out this 7-day devotional on the Proverbs 31 woman called Woman of Strength, which you can find in my free resource collection.

Get the devotional

1. Proverbs 31 was written for young wives.

Who do you think this passage was originally written for? You might be in for a shock. It was written for a young man. It is not an instruction manual for wives; its purpose is to provide a young man a vision for what he should look for in a wife.

It makes a lot more sense when you view Proverbs 31 as what it was intended to be—an epilogue, a conclusion—rather than a stand-alone passage. Proverbs is a collection of sayings that contrast wisdom with folly; many of them are written as warnings to young men to let wisdom and godliness guide them instead of their lusts.

That’s not to say that there aren’t applications for women; why shouldn’t we aspire to the godly characteristics displayed here? But the purpose of the passage isn’t to provide an impossible standard; it’s to provide inspiration for the possibilities.

2. She was a real person (wasn’t she?).

Wouldn’t we like to know whether the person portrayed here was a flesh-and-blood being? I think it’s possible that someone, or more than one person, was the real-life inspiration for these words—otherwise, why would you instruct a man to marry an ideal woman who couldn’t exist? But on the other hand, the Proverbs 31 woman is the fourth somewhat allegorical female personage in the book of Proverbs (following Wisdom, Folly and the Adulteress). So there may have been some creative liberties in describing her, even if she was real.

If you’re wrestling with this question of whether or not she was real, my question to you is, does it matter? Sometimes the Bible uses real people to communicate truth and sometimes it uses symbols and parables. That doesn’t change the core principles of the message being communicated, which we’ll explore.

3. She has always had her act together.

When I was a newlywed I barely knew how cook. But I wanted to be great at it because I knew it would make my husband happy. One time I made blueberry muffins—my husband’s favorite—and left out the baking powder. Ewwww. Rookie mistake. I was devastated and he was bewildered as to why his wife was crying over something so trivial. Fortunately, I rarely (not never!) make that same mistake anymore.

Being a competent wife/mother/homemaker/whatever takes time. It doesn’t matter how hard you try or even how naturally talented you are; you will only learn through experience. Proverbs 31 is not a snapshot of a newlywed. This woman has been married long enough to have multiple children and run a couple of side businesses while skillfully managing her household. In other words, she’s older.

Remember, if this was written to a young man, he probably wasn’t going to go out looking for a forty-year-old with lots of life experience. He was going to be looking for someone young who had the potential to grow into that mature, godly wife. Keep that in mind as we continue.

Related: How Moms Can Live with More Balance: 5 Lessons from Proverbs 31

4. She rarely sleeps.

How in the world can someone get up while it is still dark to make everyone breakfast (v. 15), and yet “her lamp does not go out at night” (v. 18)??? Certainly every mom has some sleepless nights like that, but the passage seems to imply an ongoing state.

This is where cultural insight is useful. How would you get around at night if you didn’t have electricity? An oil lamp would come in handy if you had to use the latrine. It’s common in societies without electricity to leave a lamp burning at night, even while you sleep, so people don’t have to fumble around in complete blackness (source).

So why is it significant that her lamp does not go out? Consider verse 18 in its entirety: “She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” Her side hustles are making enough money to keep everyone comfortable! She is also wise enough to ration the oil so it doesn’t run out (see the Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25).

Related: Should Christian Moms Prioritize “Me Time”?

5. Every wife and mother should aspire to live like her.

Consider this: the family in Proverbs 31 is making enough money to employ servants and have nice clothes. This is in part because of Mrs. 31’s side businesses, but it’s also evident that her husband is a man of standing the community, hanging out with the elders (v. 23). She is also in excellent health as far as we can tell.

Not everyone is blessed in these ways—with wealth, health and privilege. So would this passage not be relevant for them (most women in the world, actually)? Are you any less godly if you’re poor or in bad health? Of course not.

You have to look past the specifics and more at the principles. 

6. She does everything.

Does she really “do it all”? Nope. This lady has servants.

I used to think, “Well, if I had servants, maybe I could do all of that too.” Granted, many of us in Western society have “servants” in the form of modern appliances, but if you’re dwelling on these thoughts then you’re missing the point of the passage. Most people in the world do not have servants, yet this passage is relevant for them. Again, you have to look past the specifics and more at the principles.

7. She never stops to rest.

She works 24 hours a day, seven days a week, right? Wrong!

How do I know? I’m fairly confident that someone upheld as a God-fearing woman in the Old Testament would observe the Sabbath. This didn’t mean just going to church on Sunday; this meant complete rest. No cooking. No cleaning. No gardening. No sewing. You couldn’t even walk more than half a mile! You had to sit and enjoy being with your family all day. Just imagine.

Have you ever tried observing a Sabbath like that ever, let alone regularly? While I don’t believe Christians are required to observe this old law, we probably could learning a thing or two about chilling out from Mrs. 31.

Related: How To Manage Stress by Being Productively Lazy

8. Proverbs 31 has no relevance for single women.

As a single woman more than a few years back, I was completely befuddled by this passage and assumed it wasn’t for me anyway. So I essentially ignored it. That was my loss.

Is this passage only for wives or only for women who want to be married? Absolutely not! Let’s start talking more about the principles of this passage, which are about character, not deeds. More specifically, “noble character.”

The only other time this phrase appears in the Bible outside of Proverbs is describing Ruth (Ruth 3:11). Who was Ruth? It’s a quick read in the Old Testament, so I’d recommend checking it out if you never have. She was a real person, she was single and she was she was dirt poor. She wasn’t trying to catch a husband; she was doing whatever she could to survive.

Hardly the same circumstances as Mrs. 31. And yet these women have identical character qualities. Single or married, we should focus on those.

9. This passage is irrelevant to the modern woman.

I hope it’s evident by now that it shouldn’t matter whether you’re rich or poor, married or single, young or old, living in modern America or in a hut in the jungle; when you’re focusing on the principles of the passage and not the circumstances, there is much to take away. These timeless, cultureless principles include love, generosity, work ethic and faithfulness.

10. We should wonder, “How does she do it?”

One question that might hinder you when you consider Mrs. 31 is, “How does she do it?” But unless you enjoy feeling insecure about your talents and stamina, that’s the worst kind of question you can ask.

We should be asking, “Who is she?” Not her name or her place in history, but what is the essence of her being? That question is the right one when we’re trying to determine the core principles of the passage. And the answer is quite simple. She is a woman who loves God (v. 30). Her character, her wisdom, her self-discipline—all of these qualities flow from this fact.

I hope you’ve found these insights useful as a you figure out who you are. Whether you’ve loved her or hated her, I also hope and pray that you can find the incredible inspiration at the core of Proverbs 31.

Want to learn more about what it means to be a woman of strength like Mrs. 31? Check out the Woman of Strength devotional, one of the many resources you’ll find in my free resource collection.

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What do you think about the Proverbs 31 woman?

This is a book review for When God Says “Go” by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, which is all about rising to challenge and change without losing your confidence, your courage or your cool. Read on to learn how you can win a signed copy!

Morgan Sessions

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

My hand shook as I held my cup of water. Was my heart racing too? It was late afternoon and I wondered if perhaps I’d had a little too much caffeine.

I couldn’t focus. I was meeting my friend at a local coffee shop to talk about her, but all I could think about was myself. I was worried, replaying conversations in my head and calculating worst-case scenarios.

She sat down with her salad and looked up at me. I realized at that moment that this conversation wasn’t going to go at all the way I had planned.

It wasn’t the caffeine. It was anxiety, which was starting to boil over into full panic.

Tears filled my eyes as I decided to forget agendas and just be real. Big things were unfolding in my life. They were good things. But, they were big, scary things like moving forward in an international adoption and making weighty decisions in my writing career. I was scared.

I wish I could say that this was months ago and that I have figured out how to deal with my fears. But this was just a few days ago.

I’m still scared.

Sometimes, especially when your days are full of diaper changes, wiping noses, schoolwork help and dishes, the speed of life can feel like a crawl. But at other times you find yourself on or about to get on a roller coaster, and there will a point when it will be too late to get off.

This is what it feels like when God says, “Go.”

It just so happened that the rumblings in my life started happening right when I received this book in the mail:

Needless to say, When God Says “Go” spoke to me.

Related posts: 10 Bible Verses About Anxiety and How I Manage Anxiety with 5 Calming Steps.

When God Says “Go”

My friend Elizabeth is a funny, passionate storyteller who brilliantly looks into the Bible and brings to life what it was like for everyday people to interact with God. Through their imperfect, emotional and often comical reactions, he brought his ultimate plans to fruition.

The people we read about in the Bible are just as human as you and I. And the God who worked with them is the same one who works with all of us. Elizabeth relates their stories to everyone’s.

To be clear, a call from God today isn’t an audible command. Usually it’s a combination of circumstance, advice, biblical truth and gut feeling/Spirit prompting. (The book explains in further detail about how to clarify whether God is prompting you or whether you’re just having indigestion.)

Whether God is saying “go,” “stop,” “stay” or “proceed with caution” to you right now, Elizabeth’s deep digging into the biblical narrative has some thoughtful and encouraging insight. While there were many points that were helpful to me personally, three especially stood out.

By the way, Elizabeth has another great book called When God Says “Wait,” which I also highly recommend.

1. It’s Not About You

I’ve noticed a trend when I hear people talk about “God’s call” for their lives (and I fall into this trap as well). We can focus a lot on what he wants for us, without spending much time thinking about what he wants, period. We can get sucked into obsessing about our own gifts and dreams and whether we’re living to our “full potential.” Those aren’t bad things to wonder about, but they’re really secondary to God’s ultimate purpose: to redeem and restore all of creation. He’ll do that with or without our help.

There were more than a couple of people in the Bible who objected when God came knocking: “But God, I’m too young/old/wounded/fearful/inadequate.” Elizabeth talks about how Moses was terrified to go back to Egypt and help free the Israelites. What’s interesting about God’s pep talk to him is that it wasn’t about how great Moses was. Instead, God said, “I will be with you.” And that was all that mattered.

As I take my big scary steps forward in the direction I think God is calling me, I already know that I will be inadequate for the task. However, this is irrelevant. I can be faithfully confident that because of Jesus’ promise in Matthew 28:20 (“surely I am with you always”).

2. It’s Normal to Have a Range of Emotions and Responses

I know there are a couple of instances of ridiculously holy people in the Bible who responded to God’s call with enthusiasm and confidence. However, there are many who did not—in fact, I’d say most didn’t.

Some people had even had triumphs of faithfulness in the past, but because of the trials and pain of life, they faltered later. Mary, Jesus’ own mother who had humbly accepted her role to give birth to the savior, later doubted and questioned Jesus’ ministry—after all she had seen in her miracle baby! The apostle Peter as well had some pretty epic stumbling, even after having walked with Jesus and given up everything to follow him.

I’ve had times in my life where I didn’t question God’s will as much and cheerfully got on board, like when I had the opportunity to do mission work in Alaska right after I graduated college. At other times I’ve been anxious, doubtful or downright rebellious about the directions God has led me. These are all normal responses and, while we have to battle through them sometimes, our emotions won’t deter God’s plans. The good news is that while we might be a hot mess, he will remain consistent.

3. Sometimes the Only Way Out Is Through

This is a message I’ve been hearing over and over again recently. By nature I avoid conflict, vulnerability and painful circumstances. I’m pretty good at side-stepping problems. But as I’ve learned the hard way, sometimes the only way to get past your fears and problems is to work through them.

Elizabeth gives the example of the story of Esther, the queen of Persia (secretly Jewish), who was living pretty comfortably until she discovered that her own husband had agreed to annihilate her entire people. Here choices were to not act and watch her people die, or act, and possibly die herself, without helping the situation.

The story, of course, ended with her courageously taking action, as terrifying as it was. And I think that’s where I am in my current situation. When there’s nowhere to go but forward, your only option is to grow.

We cannot run from these situations. Some are griefs that feel past bearing, past surviving—and yet we must bear them. The only way out is through. And in situations like this, God is saying, “Grow.” He gives us no choice but to move forward. No choice but to change (When God Says “Go,” p. 101).

Is God saying “Go” to you in some way right now? Then I’d like to give you the chance to get a signed copy of Elizabeth Laing Thompson’s latest book!

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When God Says Go will be officially released on May 1. Grab your copy now and get some awesome bonuses by clicking below.

Leave a comment: how is God saying “go” in your life, and how are you responding?