Parenting Tips Archives – gina m poirier

10 Easy Bible Verses for Kids To Improve Behavior

May 22, 2018 by Gina Poirier 2 Comments

Welcome! Looking for something quick? You can get a free printable download of these Bible verses for kids as part of my free resource collection for moms!

I don’t know if it’s a girl thing, but we’ve got a case of the whiiiiines in my house.

My daughter is four. Her two older brothers certainly had issues at this age, but they were mostly involved destruction and throwing epic temper tantrums.

The whining though? The scope of it is new to me and it just blows my mind.

The other night I was exhausted from constant speech correction and was lamenting about it to my husband. (If you’ve never been in a logic match with a preschooler, I hope you appreciate your life). As I worked through my frustration, I realized that I was lacking an essential piece of the parenting puzzle.

Being Scripture-based.

Don’t get me wrong; my kids know their Bible stories well. It’s just the practical application part that we can slack on. This was further evidenced by the fact that my daughter recently said something along the lines, “God says it’s my turn.”

So we’ve either got a prophetess or I need to be a little more grounded, right?

I’ve learned that discipline just goes so much better when we rely on God’s Word rather than our own logic and incomplete wisdom.

10 Easy Bible Verses for Kids To Improve Behavior

Allen Taylor

I decided to round up several Bible verses for kids that are behavior-focused so that I can be more on my game. And then I thought, hey, why not share the love? Because certainly I’m not the only who needs a little backup, right? These verses can apply to any age, but they are easier to understand for kids ten and under. They are also fun to memorize and if desired you can add simple crafts or object lessons…

You can read the full version of this post by clicking over to My Joy-Filled Life!

Or grab the the printable download of the scripture list:

What are some of your favorite Bible verses for kids?

To scripture-based parenting,

Memory Verses for Kids: 10 Simple Scriptures Families Can Learn Together

April 24, 2018 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Learning memory verses can be a big part of cultivating your kids’ faith. Read on to learn about how our family has been practicing this skill and get a great list of scriptures you can memorize together. You might also like this post: 10 Easy Bible Verses for Kids To Improve Behavior.

Ben White

The high-pitched wailing of my five-year-old daughter pierced my ears one morning.

(I was resting and trying to fend off a nasty chest cold, but of course, mamas don’t get sick days when the kids are at home.)

She burst through my bedroom door with tears flowing freely, pleading her case before me about how her brother was treating her unjustly.

I did not have the energy or the will to be judge and jury at that moment of which Legos go where. But it was either suffer through that or suffer through screaming, so I trudged down to the playroom.

God must have been feeling for me at that moment.

While it was tempting to yell at the offending parties and just shut down the whole operation, I opened my Bible and read a scripture instead:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. —Colossians 3:12

I talked about each of the words and asked my kids if they knew what they meant. They quietly listened and thought about it. Then we calmly talked through the situation and resolved the argument quickly with very few tears.

The passage came to mind because the kids and I memorized it last month, and it was very familiar to us. This was just an opportunity to show them how to put what they had learned into practice.

That’s one of the reasons I think there’s so much value in memorizing scripture with your kids. When they’ve already stored biblical truths in their memories, it makes your job easier as a parent when you’re teaching them how to live.

They already know the why (i.e. God’s people treat others with kindness) so you can just show them the how (i.e. not screaming at your brother).

Finish reading 10 Simple Bible Verses Kids Can Memorize over at Equipping Godly Women, which includes practical memorizing tips!

Want a printable list of these memory verses for kids? You can download it from my collection of free resources for Christian moms.

Do you do memory verses with your kids? What helps your family learn them?

Yes, You’re Failing at Parenting (and Why That’s a Good Thing)

January 18, 2018 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

I killed the family fish last weekend. It has felt like one of my worst moments as a parent.

I was trying to do everything right. Fifty percent water change, wiping off the algae. Temperature regulation, gentle handling, water conditioner. Check, check, double check.

Rudy, our adolescent betta who hadn’t even grown his long fins yet, apparently didn’t like it. He died in protest within three hours.

I was devastated.

Being a pet murderer is bad enough as it is. But I thought of my tender-hearted boy, James, who was sleeping along with his siblings at the time I discovered the untimely death. I thought of the way his shoulders shook when he sobbed at the loss of the last fish, who had been our companion for many months.

I had failed him as a parent. My incompetence was making him suffer.

Senjuti Kundu

These moments, as much as I try to laugh about them in retrospect, are humbling. As I tossed and turned in my bed, thinking about the dead fish in the tank, I fought away tears. I couldn’t help but wonder…if I fail at the little things, how can I handle the big ones?

I know I can’t be a perfect parent. We all do. But maybe instead of trying to brush off my shortcomings, I should embrace them head-on.

I’m failing at parenting. All the time.

From losing my temper to fish murder, I fail. I wound tender hearts and chip away at their innocence. And yet in spite—no because—of this, we are all the better because it reminds me that I am not Jesus. What a relief.

It was morning. I gently lifted poor Rudy’s tiny stiff body from the tank into a small plastic cup. He had been full of life just 12 hours before. I dreaded the next step: waking the kids and starting the day with the sordid news. My husband Marc wanted to participate in the bathroom flush funeral before he left for work.

“Why did he have to die?” James asked tearfully. But not sobbing.

Because Mommy is stupid and she killed him. Did I say that out loud?

“God decided it was his time,” Marc said candidly but gently. “We don’t know all the reasons.”

James handled this loss better than the last one. (They’re tougher than we think, you know.) A few tears fell, hugs were exchanged, and he acknowledged the way of the world. He’s starting to understand death, suffering and the consequences of the fall, whether they result from my mistakes or someone else’s.

Incidentally, after a call to the pet shop, the diagnosis was that I had overdone the tank cleaning. As hard as I had tried to get it just right, I had removed too much of the bacteria in the environment, and the fish had gone into shock.

Imagine that. Death from being too clean. It’s not the first time that trying so hard to attain purity on my own strength has backfired.

As hard as I try, I can’t protect my kids from my shortcomings and failures. But through my weaknesses, God reveals a little bit of himself.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
—2 Corinthians 12:9

James didn’t blame me. I held him tenderly as we cried. My mistake revealed truth and brought us closer together.

And that is how God works through our brokenness, that his strength, through love, might pull us closer to him and one another.

Heaven forbid we should ever get a dog.

Your turn: do you ever feel like you’re failing at parenting? How can you change your perspective?

Positive Parenting Tip: 10 Behavior Words for Preschoolers

August 4, 2017 by Gina Poirier 4 Comments

Interested in ways that you can introduce more positive parenting into your home? Here’s a tip: equipping yourself and your child with a robust behavior vocabulary is a great place to start, starting from their first words! If you’d like a free printable, you can grab it in my free resource collection by clicking below.

Once upon a time, I saw a video somewhere on social media that went something like this:

Father of young toddler: “What does a cow say?”

Little girl: “Moo!”

Father: “What does a doggy say?”

Little girl: “Woof! Woof!”

Father: “What does a duck say?”

Little girl: “Quack! Quack!”

Father: “What does Mommy say?”

Little girl: “No, no, no, no, no!”

Poor mommies. It just comes with the territory: constantly setting limits and saying that two-letter word. It’s no wonder that “no” just happens to be one of the first words that enters a young child’s vocabulary.

If you’re a parent, hopefully “no” is not the only word you’re using. The problem with “no” is that it only takes you so far. Not only does the kid eventually wizen up and start fighting the “no” with the formidable “why?”, but it ultimately leaves you with a void.

This is where a positive parenting strategy can be super helpful.

Unless your kid is content sitting with their arms crossed and smiling (a highly suspicious behavior in my opinion), they have to direct their energy elsewhere whenever they hit a limit. And unless you’ve taught them where to direct that energy, they ultimately end up committing another crime. You say “no” again, they get frustrated, you get frustrated, and on and on and on you go all day until your husband comes home and you hand them over so you can go collapse and order pizza because there’s no way you’re cooking dinner after a day like that.

Not that I’d know what that’s like, cough cough.

We’re three kids into this parenting game, and I think we’ve pulled together some pretty good positive parenting tips to avoid spiraling out of control like this too often. Instead of focusing on the “don’ts,” everybody is happier when we spend the majority of our time on the “dos.” The way we do this is to provide our kids with a positive behavior vocabulary from an early age. When they misbehave, they know how they need to be focusing their energy. And when they do behave, we can praise them for it!

These words also help our kids form good habits, which they’ll hopefully take with them as they grow older. If you want to implement some positive parenting in your discipline strategy, start these behavior words young!

Photo by delfi de la Rua on Unsplash

Positive Parenting Tip: 10 Behavior Words for Preschoolers

Obey

Sound a little intense for a two-year-old? Think again. This is one of the first words we taught our kids in matters of discipline and it’s often one of our first go-tos when dealing with behavior. We expect them to obey. This is different from the popular word “listen.” Listening has to do with paying attention, while obedience has to do with responding appropriately to authority. Our kids are expected to obey parents, babysitters and teachers the first time they are asked (in case you’re wondering, they can ask questions or request alternatives when appropriate, and there is grace involved. It’s not an authoritarian thing).

Gentle

Kids are rough little creatures. They yank on you and walk all over you and other adults/children/animals. From the time my kids were interactive infants yanking on my hair, I would firmly pull their hand away, say “gentle,” and guide the hand in demonstration of what gentle looks like.

Kind

I think we all use the word “nice” a lot, but “kind” as well as “loving” more specifically address how children should treat other people. Sharing and taking turns is to be praised as kindness.

Friendly

I really hope my kids have good manners when they grow up, and those habits start now. We talk with them about making eye contact, smiling and greeting people. You can help shy kids be “friendly” with a wave or a verbal “hi.”

Respectful

This is such a great word, I wish I’d started it sooner! It applies to quite a lot of discipline situations, from talking back, to manners, to kids cleaning up after themselves. It’s also an expansion of the obedience concept once they are a little older.

Thankful

Oooooh this is a tough one. It gets to the heart of a lot of attitude problems. While kids might not naturally feel or act thankful, getting them in the habit of saying “thank you” and not complaining is at least pointing their hearts in the right direction.

Joyful

Like “thankful,” this word is tricky because it addresses a heart issue—but then again, don’t they all? This is a good word to use when kids are just having a bad attitude for no good reason (good for adults too!). It helps them focus on the positive instead of the negative so they can enjoy their surroundings, not to mention make themselves more enjoyable to be around for everyone else.

Patient

Okay, this was the word of the day once on Sesame Street so I know I’m validated here. A two-year-old might ask you for crackers 5,247 times in 30 seconds and you repeat this word over and over again. It’ll sink in eventually (and help remind you too!).

Self-Control

In our house we say, “no fits” whenever a tantrum starts. To counter the “no” in that statement, the kids learn to control their emotions and express them appropriately by being introduced to the “self control” concept. Admittedly this is quite difficult for a two-year-old, but for a four-year-old who has been practicing deep breathing and counting backwards whenever he gets worked up, “self-control” is a big accomplishment that is highly praised.

Helpful

Who doesn’t love a Mommy’s helper? From the time they were little all of my kids beam with pride anytime they figure out how to pour a glass of water or get their own cereal. I’ve heard that they eventually morph into teenagers and that being “helpful” doesn’t hold the same weight in their minds. However, I’ve also been told that if they habitually helpful when they are young, it’s not a battle when they’re older!

Don’t forget if you want a printable list of these words so you’ll hve an e, you can access it by clicking below:

Do you use positive parenting behavior words? Share some in the comments or on social media!

Faith for Kids: 3 Ways To Help Them Make It Their Own

July 27, 2017 by Gina Poirier 1 Comment

If I had a dollar for every time I saw some alarming headline about how today’s youth is leaving the Christian faith in droves…I’d have my kids’ college paid for.

But it’s true, and it’s alarming. Faith for kids, especially once they’re out of the house, is challenging in our current cultural climate.

I don’t have to read the latest statistic to know it. I can see what happened to many of my friends who said they were Christians in high school and college. And I can see what’s happening with some of my friends’ older children now.

They don’t need or want church, the Bible or anything related to it.

The faith of their parents didn’t stick; the kids never fully made it their own.

If you’re a Christian with kids in the home, you are almost certainly asking yourself in this climate, “What can I do to help them choose their faith over the world when they’re grown?”

I have a somewhat unique perspective on this question, as I was not raised in church. I chose to follow Jesus when I was 19, over 300 miles away from home, in an urban university climate that was somewhat hostile to the idea.

So when I think about how I want my kids to make the same choice, I don’t have the childhood experience to rely on.

My husband is quite the opposite in his experience. His journey began at a much younger age and he grew up immersed in a vibrant culture of faith in his extended family, homeschooling community and church.

In him I have the unique opportunity to observe the full picture of raising godly kids, as someone who never had that experience herself. As my husband leads our family spiritually, he explains why we do what we do, and I can see the fruit of those choices in his relationship with his own parents.

Our kids are going to make their own choices, and as it is clear in the Bible, they can choose to leave the faith even if we do everything right. (Likewise, as in my case, kids can have little to no biblical instruction in the home growing up and still turn out all right!)

But at the same time, I believe there are several things we can do that will help our kids make their faith their own—for the long term.

Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

Faith for Kids: 3 Ways To Help Them Make It Their Own

You can finish reading this post by clicking over to Three Ways To Help Your Children Make Their Faith Their Own at Equipping Godly Women.

Want more Christian parenting tips? Check out these related posts:

10 Easy Bible Verses for Kids To Improve Behavior

Spark Your Kids’ Love of The Bible with 3 Simple Habits

How To Help The Perfectionist Child

And don’t forget, one of the best places for advice is from other moms! Join the Wiping Noses for Jesus is Legit Facebook Group for encouragement and support.

5 Ways To Spend More Quality Time with Your Kids

March 17, 2017 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

It’s funny how you can spend all day with your kids and yet feel like you didn’t connect with them at all. This is especially true when you’re busy getting stuff done with multiple people in the house: homeschooling, housework, chauffeuring, ministry, etc. And while you might technically be “together,” you’re missing out on a very important component of healthy parent-child relationships: quality time.

It’s different than just being together; if you’re familiar with The 5 Love Languages, it is defined as “giving someone your undivided attention.”

That’s hard to do!

But as my kids get older, I am becoming more and more convinced just how important it is to have quality time with each of them. Even if quality time isn’t the primary “love language” of you or your child, it gives opportunity for uninterrupted communication and to build memories. When they look back on their childhood, these are the times that kids are going to remember.

Here are practices our family implements to ensure we’re getting that quality time, both one-on-one and all together.

5 Ways To Spend More Quality Time with Your Kids

Keep reading the rest of this post over on My Joy-Filled Life! Thanks for stopping by!

Kids Fighting? 3 Strategies to Strengthen Sibling Relationships

February 18, 2017 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

I was vacuuming the other day and really enjoying the “quiet” that comes with that task. You know what I mean: by drowning out all the noise in a busy household, I could get a few minutes of mindless peace.

Or not.

Slowly but surely above the low, loud hum, I heard an unmistakable crescendo: screeching, wailing, screaming: “STOP IT!!!” There were crocodile tears and desperate tugs on my arms. I had to referee my kids’ fighting over how to properly put away the cards in a game of Memory.

I try not to remind myself that I did not go to college for THIS.

In my finest parenting moment ever recorded, I just stared at them, blinking. There may have been some mumbling utterance of, ”No one cares, just put the cards away,” before I turned the vacuum back on and tried to use the power of wishful thinking to make it stop.

I’m sure you know as well as I do that wishful thinking isn’t a constructive way to parent, so of course I eventually had to back track and help them talk through this truly agonizing situation.

It’s a battle all parents face: kids fighting, sibling rivalry, and just outright meanness between your offspring. You wonder how such diametrically opposing figures could possibly have come from the same womb.

Kids Fighting? 3 Strategies to Strengthen Sibling Relationships

Read the rest of the post over at My Joy-Filled Life!

Become a More Patient Mom with These Simple Practices

November 18, 2016 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Becoming a mother makes you grow in all kinds of ways you don’t expect. In pregnancy, childbirth and those early precious moments, your physical endurance is nothing short of miraculous. Your capacity for love expands with each little soul you add to your family. I’ve also personally experienced a significant softening of my heart and sensitivity—you would have never called me a sap ten years ago, but now? I will always cry watching Inside Out. Every. Time.

But hands down, the most difficult challenge I’ve faced? My own capacity (or lack thereof) for patience.

I’m not naming any names, but I have a child who is brilliant but moves slower than a 90-year-old. He appreciates life. He will savor each bite of food—no rather, each movement of his jaw when he chews. He will stop and smell every petal of every flower, examine the minute details of each school assignment so that he can finish it flawlessly, and take a full hour to put a folded shirt into a drawer. He is a genius…and I go crazy trying to get him to move…his…feet.

And then there’s just the everyday mom stuff we all deal with. The kids’ noise, the fighting, the slowness in their understanding of how to function like normal humans. Everybody asking two seconds after you say you’re going to pour them some milk when their milk is going to be ready. The phrase “be patient” comes out of my mouth no less than 354 times per hour (is there a sign on me that says “food on demand” or something?).

“Be patient,” I say…as my sanity slowly unravels.

By the grace of God, however, I am slowly being transformed from someone who is always on the move to someone who waits, from someone who thinks and talks quickly to someone who listens.

Do you struggle with patience too? (Is there anyone who doesn’t?) While I’m not the psychological/spiritual/emotional expert on this topic, some practical strategies have helped me tremendously.

Become a More Patient Mom with These Simple Practices

Finish reading this post at My Joy-Filled Life!

Spark Your Kids’ Love of the Bible with 3 Simple Habits

July 15, 2016 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Does anyone else feel like there are way too many things competing for kids’ attention these days?

We have a lot of extended family in town, so the kids always make a killing on their birthdays. On my son’s 7th birthday last month he got Legos, Minecraft and a new bike. But he also got a Bible. It’s easy to guess these days which gifts drew the biggest “oohs” and “aahs” from the crowd. And sure enough, the toys got immediate use.

But my husband and have been thrilled in recent weeks to see that, after lights out, our son likes to keep his flashlight on and read. The Bible. The actual full-text Bible, not a storybook or app or anything else.

Is the Word of God something kids can get excited about?

From our experience, yes.

Every child is unique, and their interests are going to vary throughout different ages and stages. I hope and pray that my son’s desire that is sparked now will be a flame that burns for the rest of his life.

But in order for a flame to burn at all there has to be a spark to begin with. And for kids growing up in an increasingly secular culture, it helps when that spark starts young.

Do you want your kids to be interested in the Bible when they start to read? These 3 habits can cultivate that desire starting from infancy (2 Timothy 3:15).

For the rest of the this post, hop on over: Read more at My Joy Filled Life

What do you do to help your kids dig into the Bible?

Why We Don’t Pay Our Kids To Do Chores

June 9, 2016 by Gina Poirier 8 Comments

A $3 pack of gum. This is the type of thing that seven-year-olds dream about, scrimp and save for, apparently.

Well, at least mine does. He schemed all week to get his little fingers and a pack of Ice Breakers (Mom doesn’t splurge for that kind of thing). It brought him joy for days—and incurred a little bit of jealousy from his siblings. But it was his, all his. He’d pop two pieces at a time, for maximum bubble surface area. He was generous with some of it, so others could experience the bubble bliss and share in his happiness.

I think managing money and possessions is an important thing for kids to learn, starting from a young age. Around the time my oldest turned five, my husband and I started talking about allowance and how we would start teaching this valuable life skill.

Some of this we’re figuring out as we go, but one principle we came to quickly was this:

We will not pay our kids to do chores. Furthermore, we don’t use any sort of reward system to motivate them to help out around the house.

Linking allowance or other rewards to household duties is a common practice in American homes, so you might find this surprising—bold, even. But I am firmly convinced that this practice isn’t a wise choice for our family, primarily because it could send the wrong messages to our kids.

I know that not everyone will agree with me on this, and that’s okay. If you practice this I don’t think you are doing something that is inherently evil. But, whether you do it or you think you’d like to, I’d ask you to take a moment and consider why we don’t.

The Value of Helping Out

With two kids who are school age, chores are built into our morning routine. Based on the day of the week, they help out with wiping countertops, putting away laundry and even cleaning the toilet (yes!!!). And most days, they do it!

In both of our homes growing up, my husband and I helped out around the house because it was an expectation. Period. If we didn’t do it or had a bad attitude about it, we had to have long, unpleasant conversations with our parents. It was not worth the trouble, most of the time.

Likewise, we want our kids to do there chores because that is what you do when you are part of a family. It is a reward in itself; you have a home to live in, so help out and take care of it (with age-appropriate responsibilities). If my kids are doing their chores primarily because they want to get a material reward, they are missing out on a character growth opportunity. When they’re not doing what I’ve asked them to, or if they complain about it, we have a little heart-to-heart during which we talk about my expectations: that they honor and obey me, and that they contribute to our household.

I admit that it takes some work to reinforce these concepts and address the attitudes of the heart. I think it actually might be easier if I had some pretty sticker chart and weekly rewards. But it’s worth the extra effort. Some great scriptures that I recommend using with your kids include Philippians 2:5–8, Colossians 3:23–24 and Matthew 5:41.

“Reward Economies”

Clinical psychologist Erica Reischer, writer for The Atlantic (see this article), says that an environment in which people expect to receive something for their work is called a reward economy: “In reward economies, kids learn to trade desirable behavior for a reward.” The problem with this? It affects how kids think about relationships.

Reischer says, “Offering children tangible rewards in exchange for caring behavior can erode their innate tendency to help others.” Kids start looking at family life as an economical realm (a market), rather than a social realm. Instead of learning how to be part of a team, kids who are constantly offered a reward start wondering, “What’s in it for me?” That’s the exact opposite of what I want!

By using reward systems, we could be inadvertently teaching our kids that they deserve a reward for everything they do. I could see that causing all sorts of problems if they carry that attitude forward in life—in college, in their careers and in their relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I like accolades and I think we all need them at times, but the reality of life is that you have to give without expecting anything in return—a lot!

Battling Perfectionism

Hi, I’m Gina and I’m a perfectionist. I love keeping score and I feel horrible about myself when I don’t measure up to any standard that is put in front of me. And one of my kids is just like me.

Reward systems are horrible for perfectionists. They reinforce our pride as well as our insecurities. They don’t help us to perform our best; rather they tend to highlight where we fall short. I know we can’t avoid them entirely because we live in a world with things like grades and performance reviews. But I don’t think they’re desirable within the home.

I realize that not every child has this issue but trust me; if you have a perfectionist from your family, you want to run from this kind of system (read here for what works better).

Are Rewards Ever Okay?

Well, to seemingly contradict myself…I actually think yes. Like I said earlier, I don’t think using rewards is inherently evil, and there are in fact some reward systems built in to the real world.

Last week I was at a homeschool training class for co-op facilitators. Our trainer said that she used a simple reward system by quietly handing kids a block when they were on task and taking blocks away when they were off task. At the end of the semester they received goody bags. Throughout the year she used the system less and less. By the end of the year they hadn’t used the blocks in many weeks. She told her kids that they were doing a great job—they didn’t need the reinforcement! And she gave them goody bags because she loved and appreciated them.

I loved this example because the reward system was used for initially training good habits rather than indefinitely. It wasn’t a constant motivator. And in that sense, I think rewards can be useful: for training. For us, however, we’d like to keep money off the table and avoid making such systems and integral part of our disciplining at home. Occasional, limited use for training in new skills might be okay.

So When Should Kids Get Money?

Our kids get a weekly allowance that increases with age. It is not connected with performance; they get it no matter what (unless I’m out of cash!). They also get money for birthdays, and a rather generous tooth fairy frequents our home. They don’t get a lot, but it is more than enough for fun purchases like awesome bubble gum. Beyond that they have everything they need and then some.

Our kids will have plenty of opportunity to earn money when they get older and can get real employment. Contributing to your own home is not a job; that is real life. We like to give to our children (although not spoil them) because we love them and we want to take care of them. This is the way I believe God treats us (Matthew 7:9–11). I don’t ever want them to feel like they have to earn my love or approval with their performance (perfectionist issues!!!).

Okay, it’s your turn. What are your thoughts about reward systems in the home, especially with money?

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