TAKE BACK MOTHERHOOD

Join 3,000 others and access resources to strengthen your faith and your family.

LEARN MORE

It’s the beginning of the year. And if you’re like many of us, you’re thinking a lot of about New Year’s resolutions and goal-setting ideas. 

I was reluctant to be too committed to things like personal goals and magical words in the past because they felt a bit contrived. I didn’t want to fail. And I didn’t have a practical way to implement my ideas.

But, after giving it a good go with my PowerSheets last year, I’ve been converted. Goals and having a “word of the year” are my jam now. 

My 2019 word is “rhythm.” I’d love to share it with you—what it means and how I chose it.

And in order to do that, first you need to understand my word of the year last year and how my thought process evolved.

Image credit: Bruno Nascimento

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

Looking Back on “Connection” in 2018

Last year my word was “connection.” I chose it because in a lot of areas in my life I felt the opposite: disconnected.

To be honest, it was difficult to translate this word into some tangible goals. I did have a few, but they shifted quite a bit over the year. (And this was all fine—good, in fact.)

For example, I started out wanting to focus on each of my kids’ love languages more. That didn’t really happen, but I did make a habit of taking photos each week and worked out a new system of organizing them. As a result, I have one of the better organized and documented years of our family!

“Connection” also led me to some unexpected life lessons that I couldn’t have orchestrated with goals at all. Simply being cognizant of the idea led my heart on journeys I couldn’t have imagined.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was that in order to be connected, you have to be vulnerable. This opens you to pain and suffering, but is also vital to close relationships.

As I spent time over the past few weeks considering where I want my life to go in 2019, I definitely wanted to continue growing in connection. I tossed around some words that were very similar.

But when I looked at what went well last year, a surprisingly different word stood out.

The areas of my life that have worked well include my friendships, family relationships, our homeschooling and my relationship with God. And they all had one thing in common.

Rhythm.

They have been flowing smoothly in my life because I have made room for them. I don’t have to think hard about them because there are systems in place that make them my highest priorities.

In other words, I am able to be more connected with the things that matter most because the rhythms that I have in place enable that connection.

So what will happen if I apply that concept—rhythm—to other areas of my life, especially the ones that need a little help?

Defining Rhythm

When I shared what I was thinking with my husband Marc, he asked me what the difference is between “rhythm” and “routine.”

The answer: everything!

Rhythm: a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound.

A similar word is cadence. These are terms often associated with music.

Rhythm is spiritual. It reminds me of the natural processes we see in nature: seasons, months, weeks, days. Rhythm is also throughout the Scriptures, set in motion by the creation account in Genesis 1.

The definition of “routine,” in contrast, is: “a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program.”

It’s the difference between a symphony and an accounting spreadsheet. They’re both systematic. But one is a masterpiece. The other is…well, an accounting spreadsheet.

Rhythm is the foundation of any piece of music. Once the rhythm is in place, you have the freedom to improvise and express yourself. But without it…you’re lost.

Another beautiful thing about rhythm is that you can find your way back to it when you get off track, once you know it and internalize it.

My 2019 Goals

So here’s where the theory hits reality. What kinds of goals can I set this year around this abstract concept of rhythm?

Some people say to shoot for big, impossible goals that will stretch you outside of your comfort zone. While I see the value in that, that’s not the direction I believe God is nudging me this year. Instead, I am working on fine-tuning.

I have a lot of great rhythms already in place. My intent is to refine them, rather than completely overhaul them.

I didn’t share my goals at the beginning of the year last year publicly, but this year I’m going to branch out a bit (it also holds me accountable!). My hope is not that you’ll make the same goals yourself, but that they’ll help you think about how to approach this process in your own life.

I have 10 big goals that I want to accomplish this year, but I am primarily going to focus on those I can complete in the next 90 days. Being true to the idea of rhythm, it makes to sense to me to focus on what I can each season, rather than keep up an unsustainable pace for a full year.

The top three goals listed below are my highest priorities (which I hope to accomplish by spring), while the others are in the background.

1. Implement New Home Management System

This one sounds a bit vague, so I’ll explain three ways I’m improving the way I run our household, which will help it run on a smoother rhythm:

First, we were overdue to revamp our meal planning system. I recently got my hands on the Healthy Meal Planning Bundle and have started using a new planning/shopping/prepping system that takes the stress out of making healthy, homemade meals. So this part of the goal is already done, only two weeks into the year!

Second, now that my kids are older I need to get us on a cleaning and home improvement schedule. I wrote out a plan and schedule helps train and engage them, and now we just have to follow through.

Finally, I want to continue to make tweaks and experiment with some other systems that will take a lot of the stress out of running the home. I’m working through this Family Routines e-course from my friend Hilary and want to try some of her amazing tips!

If I can successfully complete the e-course and find that my other systems are working well by March, I’ll consider this goal met.

2. Nurture a Daily Creativity Habit

I’m such a productivity freak (ahem, can you tell?), but after reflecting on what connection has meant to me in the past year, I realized that I want to continue to make space for beauty and creativity in my life.

What this will look like practically is getting into a new rhythm: making space for these things daily. The goal is to spend at least 15 minutes a day doing something that involves beauty, whether that’s playing the piano, reading fiction or listening to music, just for the fun of it.

If I can do this 5/7 days a week for 12 consecutive weeks, I’ll have met this goal. (And even if I don’t hit it, I think I’ll still benefit.)

3. Add to Our Savings Monthly

We have a frustrating rhythm of letting our money fly in and out of the bank account. While we’ve been free of consumer debt for years, I’ve been frustrated about our shallow amount of savings. This year, I’m setting aside our savings first (and putting it in a separate account so that out of sight, out of mind!). I’ve reworked our electronic envelope budgeting system to make this more manageable.

To make this goal even more manageable I’m tracking the habit of reconciling our receipts with our spending envelopes daily.  I’d like to make this habit part of the rhythm of my everyday life.

4. Cultivate More Prayerful Friendships

I’d like to get into the rhythm of praying more with my friends. My goal is to pray with someone outside of my household at least once a week for 12 consecutive weeks.

5. Finish Refreshing Our Bathroom

I’m really bad at updating our home because I don’t often have large chunks of time to work on it. So I’ve taken the approach of getting into a good rhythm with a little progress at a time.

I have several tasks to complete in order to finish updating our master bath. I should be able to finish if I have a few weekends where I have just a couple of hours to focus on it.

6. Have a Garage Sale

This goal is driven by the desire to declutter the house. I feel like our home runs at a much smoother rhythm when we’re not burdened with so much stuff. Whether I have an actual garage sale, sell goods online or donate it all, my goal is to have decluttered the whole house by summer.

7. Double My Blog’s Email Subscriber List

This isn’t just an arbitrary number; based on my current rate of growth this is a stretch, but doable. One of the ways I want to accomplish this is by getting into a smoother rhythm in the ways I produce my content. (I won’t bore you with those details!)

8. Double My Take-Home Income

In addition to running this blog, I also write copy for businesses. I hope that by getting into a good rhythm with my work hours and content strategy this year, I’ll be able to reach this income goal that I’ve been wanting to hit for awhile!

Once I hit this goal, I’ll be in a better position to explore hiring team members and giving more away to families in need.

9. Prepare My Kids for Their Personal Goals

My two oldest boys have a couple of activity and school-related projects that I’m encouraging them to reach this year. By continuing in a consistent rhythm in our homeschool, I hope to assist them in getting there.

10. Read Six Books That Help Me Focus on Rhythm

I have a reading list about a mile long and don’t have a lot of intention about how to tackle it. I decided that if I have “rhythm” as a theme (loosely), I can benefit from some more focused study. Six is a very easy number to hit. We’ll see where it takes me after that.

Currently on my reading list:

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg

Sabbath Keeping: Finding Freedom in the Rhythms of Rest by Lynne M. Baab

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

Cozy Minimalist Home: More Style, Less Stuff by Myquillyn Smith

Now it’s your turn: Do you pick a “word of the year”? Do you set goals? I’d love to hear what you’re working on.

Do you want to set goals or choose a word of the year but don’t know where to start? Check out the mini-workbook in my free resource collection.

TAKE BACK MOTHERHOOD

Join 3,000 others and access resources to strengthen your faith and your family.

LEARN MORE

So let’s be clear: I think traditional New Year’s resolutions are dumb.

Here’s why: the numbers vary depending on which source you look at, but statistically less than 10 percent of people actually follow through with the ideas they get so excited about come January 1st.

So for the other 90+ percent, what’s the point? For most people, resolutions are just wishful thinking.

For a long time, I just didn’t bother. I figured if I wanted to change something in my life I would just…do it.

And while that works to an extent for me, I nonetheless hit a wall a couple of years ago. I was exhausted and overwhelmed with three small kids, drowning in mental and physical clutter and feeling purposeless. While I didn’t exactly know where I was going, I made a decision at the end of 2015 that I was going to be more intentional with my life:

• I started decluttering my home.
• I turned my hobby blog into a professional one, got certified in stress management coaching and developed a prayer journal and online courses.
• I embraced my purpose in motherhood.
• I started taking better care of myself and embraced biblical rest.
• I started praying powerfully and with purpose.
• I learned how to control my daily schedule rather than letting it control me.

And it all started with a process called goal-setting. A.k.a New Year’s Resolutions—but the kind that I can follow through with because I’m working on them year-round.

So while I still think that New Year’s resolutions as I used to understand them are dumb, when you do them right, they can be incredibly effective and life-changing.

Related: How Moms Can Set Meaningful Goals

I’ve learned a lot about this process of the last several years. There’s a lot of great advice out there, but if I do have one nugget of wisdom to offer about resolutions it’s this:

Choose rest.

While the rest of the world is wrapped up in being skinny and self-improvement and getting rich, imagine if you chose to do something a little different?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
—Matthew 11:28–30.

To rest is to be faithful. To stop and let God fill in the gaps. To trust the Spirit’s guidance. To be content with less…and to feel fuller in the process.

Sound good? Then check out these alternative New Year’s resolution ideas anchored in rest that you can get excited about.

10 Restful New Year’s Resolution Ideas

Photo credit: Cristian Escobar

1. Follow the Sabbath

It’s an ancient practice: set aside a 24-hour period each week to REST. Up until pretty recently, I had never done this.

But now, I can’t imagine my life without it. From Saturday evening to Sunday evening each week, I let go.

I don’t check my social media or email. I don’t do any household or work projects, even when I know there’s stuff to get done. Instead, I spend time with those I love, I worship and I relax. And I face each week refreshed.

2. Sleep More

Again, up until recently, my mentality was to sleep the minimal amount without feeling completely wrecked each day, to maximize the amount of time I had to get stuff done.

It’s a terrible way to live. I had to adjust my morning and evening routines, but now I regularly get the 8.5 hours a night I need. And of course, I’m way more productive.

Give yourself permission to get more sleep. Go to bed (perhaps earlier) at the same time each night after a relaxing evening routine. Take short power naps during seasons when your nighttime sleep is interrupted. Ask for help taking care of the kids wen you’re feeling run down.

3. Create Meaningful Memories

One thing I have wanted to grow in is being more mentally present with my husband and kids. I want us to look back with memories full of meaning and love.

There are many ways you can approach this. What has worked well for me is getting one-on-one time with one of my kids each week, as well as a date of some kind with my husband every week. I also try to take photos weekly—in everyday life, not just the special occasions. I’ve worked hard to stay on top of my digital photos, which means sorting and editing then within a week of taking them. This makes it much less overwhelming to organize them (and Google Photos is awesome for this!)

4. Cultivate Your Friendships

This is another area I would like to grow in personally. I have great friends, but I want to take those relationships deeper. We’ve been experimenting with the small groups format in our church, so I’m hoping and praying that is how I can work on this.

I know it’s tough for many of us in the season of motherhood because we lack the time. If that’s the case with you, I encourage you to be creative with this resolution.

Be bold and initiate (that other mom is probably lonely too). When you can’t meet, talk on the phone. You might be surprised just how little extra time those friendships can take if you simply take the effort to invest in them.

5. Enrich Your Prayer Life

In the past, this has been a weakness but now I’m proud to say and think is becoming a strength. Over the last couple of years, I have gotten more disciplined and focused and have seen a lot of the fruit.

For me, it took some digging and journaling to get there. Can I suggest starting with this prayer journal?

6. Say No to Your Phone

I think I’m pretty conscious about this, and still, I find myself getting sucked into checking my notifications whenever I get a free second.

Some ways to combat this include setting up screen-free times into your schedule as well as only allowing yourself to check notifications at specific times of the day. Otherwise, it’s all too tempting!

Related: Social Media Addiction: 20 Strategies to Break It

7. Spend Time in Nature

There’s something spiritual about the sky, the sea, the mountains, the fields. As someone who grew up in the Pacific Northwest and now lives in the Midwest, I can find my present opportunities…lacking. But that just means I’m not looking hard enough.

Studies show that being in nature is good for your mental and physical health. So let’s get out there regularly and make it a priority!

Brainstorm some ways you can enjoy nature, whether it’s sitting out on your back deck every day, taking a long walk once a week, or planning a trip out into the wilderness.

8. Explore Healthy Food You LOVE

Weight loss is on the brain for many people at this time of year, and that’s necessarily not a bad thing…but we can go about it the wrong way.

I find that I’m healthiest when I’m not thinking in terms of how I’m limiting myself but rather embracing what I love.

I finally admitted to myself recently that I don’t love salad. Plus no one else in my family likes it. I’ll eat it because I know it’s good for me and that’s enough of a motivator…but I’m a lot more excited about a plethora of other vegetable-rich dishes that I’ve learned how to make in the past year. So rather than forcing myself to limit my food to something I’m not wild about, our family is getting adventurous with healthy, whole foods we love and can be thankful for. See the difference?

What nourishing food can you get excited about discovering in the coming months?

9. Find a Mentor

There’s a phrase that has stuck with me through the years: “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Sometimes you don’t even know what you are doing right or wrong unless you get some perspective.

If you’re feeling stuck in any area of your life, why stay in a rut if the strategies you’re using aren’t working? Get some help: a coach, an advisor, an accountability buddy, a counselor, whatever. It’s biblical and it helps.

10. Practice Gratitude

This is almost too cliché nowadays but I’m gonna write it anyway. Gratitude is proven to change the way you think. Make it stick by writing it down daily.

Okay friends, now it’s your turn: what restful New Year’s Resolutions ideas would you add to the list? And which ones do you want to try this year?

If you want some guidance putting those goals into practice, be sure to check this the mini goal-setting workbook I offer in my free resources collection:

TAKE BACK MOTHERHOOD

Join 3,000 others and access resources to strengthen your faith and your family.

LEARN MORE

Hey friends, check it out: if you want to step up your goal-setting game, be sure to check out my new goal-setting mini-workbook in my free resource collection, which walks you through some of the strategies in this post.

Words like “goal setting” at times of year when everyone is trying to get a fresh start—like New Year’s or at the beginning of the school year—can produce mixed feelings in me.

On the one hand, I like the idea of dreaming big and making plans that produce results. Because who doesn’t like “results”? #amIright

On the other hand, I often find that goals and resolutions get forgotten within about, oh, 24 hours. Maybe a few weeks max. Many of us lack the motivation, commitment and discipline to see them through.

Related: How to Be Motivated: The Four Tendencies from a Biblical Perspective

Furthermore, a little confession: like most humans, I am lazy. Because there is only so much space in my brain, I like to take shortcuts and rely on sheer willpower to remember and execute all the things. I would rather be on Instagram than spending time planning out my laundry strategy.

It took several years as a stay-at-home mom before I realized that I needed to be a bit more intentional with my personal goal-setting and planning. Otherwise I am wandering around my house aimlessly day-to-day—keeping the kids alive, of course, but driving myself crazy with my lack of focus.

When it comes down to it, mom life is inherently chaotic. Maybe you thrive in chaos…but chances are, if you’re reading this post, you know you could probably do better.

Related: 12 Signs of Mom Burnout, and What You Can Actually Do About It

Personal Goal-Setting Hacks for the Lazy Mom

Photo credit: Jeremy Bishop

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

Don’t just take my word for it; goal-setting is actually biblical. Let’s take a look at the big picture:

 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness…For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 2:1 NIV, emphasis added

In other words: we have incredible gifts through the grace of God—in fact, we have everything we need to live a godly life. Cool. BUT at the same time, we’re called higher—to grow, that our faith might not stagnate.

I don’t know how all of this works, to be honest. Sometimes we just grow because when we’re pointed in the right direction (Christ), it happens naturally. I think just being a mom has made me grow as a spiritual person, whether I’ve been intentional about it or not.

But sometimes we need to stretch ourselves beyond what might “just happen.” As I read the Bible, I see over and over again a balance between God firmly guiding his flock while at the same time letting them figure out their own way.

So what does this mean for me, practically? It means that I have a lot to gain from setting goals and making plans, that I may grow as a person and in turn guide my children.

Now let me be clear: I believe God is the ultimate goal-setter, often behind the scenes. My plans don’t automatically align with his (see the necessity of prayer, below). But a quick flip through Proverbs indicates that we nonetheless have a responsibility on our end to try and make things happen. When we’re keeping our eyes on Christ, he’ll help us course-correct when needed.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
    and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3 NIV

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Convinced that goal-setting and planning is worth the effort (and not just at the beginning of the year)? Here’s a very basic way to approach it. I highly recommend trying to get a couple of quiet hours to yourself if you can so that you can really focus.

Related: The Ultimate Time Management Guide for Moms

1. Pray

It’s easy to want to jump into making plans, but start here first! Sitting down to pray helps me to be more reflective about where I’ve been and where I want to go.

Some questions you might want to talk to God about include:

• What am I thankful for, reflecting on the past year, the past season, the past month, the past week?
• What went well?
• What didn’t go so well?
• What are the areas I should grow in?
• What should I prioritize?

It can be helpful to have a sort of focus word or theme scripture that you can go back to.

I’m going to go out on a limb here: with only a couple of exceptions like homeschooling and finances, I don’t like to focus on stuff for a whole stinkin’ year. For the more fluid areas of my life, I prefer to focus within seasons and months. So if you don’t have a “theme” for a whole year, that’s just fine. Here’s a scripture I focused on at the beginning of last year (and drifted away from after a few months 😉  ):

2. Brainstorm

I got this really fun tip from a fantastic little book from one of my favorite bloggers called Time Management Mama. Take a few moments and just dump your brain with what you want your life to look like in the coming weeks and months. You can write it out in a list, or you can map it out freehand, like a little flowchart (this is called mind mapping). Don’t think about it too hard; just write! Once you get going, you can start organizing your thoughts into different categories: home, kids, work, marriage, finances, etc.

What vision do you have for each of these categories? Write it out!

Need more guidance? It can be super-helpful to have a detailed goal-setting guide to walk you through it. Beyond my free worksheet which you can  access here, I recommend PowerSheets from Lara Casey if you want a beautiful worksheets that will help you cultivate your goals year-round. Grace Goals from Arabah Joy is a fantastic multi-media resource with printable goal-setting sheets as well as Bible-based video lessons.

More goodies: a couple of books I recommend that can help you cut out your time-wasters and focus on what you’re passionate about include You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth and Cultivate by Lara Casey.

3. Prioritize

Now this is the hard part. Narrow down your priorities. You might have 20 categories of things you want to work on. Cut and condense them to no more than about five focus areas.

Did you get a good vision for how you want to grow in those focus areas? Try to narrow each one down to a few words or a short sentence. These are your whys, which will help you as you move forward day by day, week by week.

Now identify some goals related to your focus areas. Be specific with those goals, particularly when you would like to accomplish them, but don’t force yourself to make a goal just to make one. Here are some examples of goals I’ve made recently in my focus areas for one season (about three months).

Narrowing down your focus is soooo important, I can’t emphasize it enough. Otherwise making any real progress is just too overwhelming—and unattainable! Focus on just a couple of things, and I guarantee you’re much more likely to succeed.

4. Plan

Finally, the fun part of goal-setting you’ve been waiting for! Thinking about your goals, identify what you need to do to reach them.

There are a few ways you can approach this:

• Make new habits: recently I envisioned being more Spirit-led and having a peaceful home. Two daily habits I worked on that helped me reach those goals were to have a time of personal reflection each evening, and to aim for 30 minutes of cleaning and organizing in my schedule. Over the course of a few months I worked on and adjusted those habits (remember, this process is grace-filled!).
• Set up steps to reach your targets: within my big goals are smaller goals, broken down into steps. For example, to gain the financial income and savings goals I desire, I need to crunch numbers, plan some specific projects and make due dates. Little tip: start with a bigger goal, set a deadline and work backward.
• Get a great planning and scheduling system! I am a visual person and find it very helpful to write everything down on paper. There are a ton of great planners out there. My current recommendation for moms is the Brilliant Life Planner. It has time blocking, spaces for to-do lists and habit-building, planning pages, and lots of space for goal setting and reflection. Maybe a paper planner isn’t your thing, but I strongly encourage you to discover what is, and stick with it. For more options, check out these 7 goal planners to reach your goals and stay motivated.

• Schedule adequate time for rest, or as I jokingly call it, “productive laziness.” I know this can be a challenge, but it is a vital part of crafting a plan that won’t leave you burned out.

Related post: How To Manage Stress By Being Productively Lazy.

5. Evaluate

Confession: when it comes to goal-setting in the past, I’ve fallen short with evaluation and follow-through. I can come up with great ideas and even a pretty detailed schedule, but I don’t take the time to reflect and evaluate my progress. Huge mistake! In order to get anywhere, it is absolutely essential to keep your goals in front of you…constantly!

That’s why recently I built a habit of taking a few minutes each day to pause and reflect. I also schedule a weekly planning time for myself, as well as space for my husband and I to communicate and plan together. Running a household and a family is not a solo activity.

In addition to my day-to-day and weekly reflection, I like to take time each month to evaluate how my larger goals are going. And, since it’s so hard to plan a whole year in advance, I do some major reevaluation and tweaking my goals about every three months or whenever there is a change of season. Those are chunks that feel much easier to manage, rather than a full twelve months.

So let me summarize that. Take a glance at your goals and plans:

• Daily
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Seasonally
• And yes, even annually.

When you evaluate your progress, don’t beat yourself up. Remember, motherhood is a crazy season! If one strategy isn’t working, try something else. And be flexible. Maybe you can’t work on a particular goal this season because you have a newborn at home or there are 18,728 soccer practices to attend. No worries. Focus on loving your family and come back to it later. This is grace-filled goal-setting.

Okay then, fellow “lazy” mamas, what do you think? Do you think these exercises are reasonable and flexible enough for you to practice? This is high-level, broad goal setting advice, but hopefully you can apply it to just about anything you want to work on. Remember, you’re worth it! And trust me, if I can do it, so can you.

Don’t forget, grab you your free mini-workbook in my free resource collection for moms.

Access now

Leave a comment: what is your biggest obstacle to setting goals and achieving them? What advice from this post do you think you can you implement to overcome it?