Blog – gina m poirier

Are PowerSheets Worth It for Goal-Setting? An Honest Review

October 16, 2019 by Gina Poirier 4 Comments

It’s no secret around here that I’m a big fan of setting goals.

It’s a concept that many people often associate with their jobs. My husband shares with me the business goals he sets for work each year.

But what about for your personal life? Is it worth it to set goals for just…yourself? And your family?

And furthermore, how does one go about that, exactly?

I’ve been setting personal goals for myself for several years now, and I’ve tried quite a few tools. One of the most unique ones is a workbook called PowerSheets.

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

What Are PowerSheets?

PowerSheets are a collection of goal-setting pages in a beautiful workbook. I like to think of them as having a paper life coach. They help you think through your priorities, get a vision and make goals, and then work towards them in practical steps.

Here’s how the Cultivate What Matters shop describes its popular product:

Thousands of women all over the world have made their goals happen with PowerSheets. Created by Lara Casey, best-selling author of Make It Happen and Cultivate: A Grace-Filled Guide to Growing an Intentional Life.

A proven process that works.
12 months of intentional goal-setting worksheets to help you make your goals a reality.
The signature PowerSheets Prep™️ process to uncover the right goals for your season of life.
Trusted goal coaching on every page so you stay motivated and on track.
Exclusive seasonal worksheets to refresh and refocus your goals each season.

Sounds pretty cool, right?

I thought so. So I jumped on the Cultivate wagon in 2018 and dug in. I liked PowerSheets so much that I used them in 2019 too (and I ordered my 2020 version!).

Getting Started: Brain Dumping and Life Assessment

If you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going… – Terry Pratchett

If you’ve ever tried setting goals before, one easy way to get stuck right from the start is having no clue what direction you want your life to go.

So the first step is assessing where you’ve been.

The first several pages in the PowerSheets workbook are life assessment pages. They consist of open-ended questions about your personality, your hopes and dreams, how well the past year went and some ideas for what you want to do in the coming year.

There’s also a lot of open space to get messy, which I always appreciate.

This is one of my favorite parts of the workbook because you have permission to get to know yourself a little better. Why do you think those online personality quizzes are so much fun? I think it’s because we like to understand the way we think and act so that we can make the best use of our preferences and talents.

By knowing your strengths, weaknesses, who you are, how you’re motivated and where you’ve been, the future becomes a lot clearer.

The next step is to prioritize what’s most important. You start out by thinking about what you want your life to be like when you’re 80 (or so). What’s going to matter most then?

With that in mind, you work your backward. What can you focus on in the coming year that can push you towards that long-term vision?

My only critique is that this timeframe feels like a bit of a stretch. I’ve got a few decades in between now and then!

I personally like to add intermediate steps, such as where I want to be in 5 years, as well as major milestones like when my kids graduate high school. But the PowerSheets workbook provides the space and flexibility to do that.

Choosing a Word of the Year

I’ve heard of people that use a “word of the year,” and honestly I’ve always thought it was a bit hokey. I mean seriously, summarizing an entire year of your life under one banner word or phrase? How is that practical?

But, since I was so impressed with the process already, I decided to run with it.

Based on the personal assessment pages, the word I landed on in 2018 was connection. I felt like it applied to the areas of my life where I was lacking.

Surprisingly, I found it extremely helpful. Not because the word in itself was so amazing, but because with all of the other tools in PowerSheets, I was able to stay rooted in it.

I posted this word in my kitchen where I keep all of my household paperwork. While I didn’t think about it constantly, it was a good visual reminder about my priorities. It was also useful whenever I revisited my PowerSheets on a monthly and quarterly basis.

What surprised me most was how much God led me to grow in connection throughout the year, in ways I didn’t expect or plan. I became more comfortable in getting vulnerable, crying without shame and giving my heart in scary ways.

In 2019, my word of the year has been “rhythm” and once again it has helped me in ways I didn’t expect. Our family experienced some challenging trials, and falling back into our houshold rhythms and focusing on what’s most important has been a godsend.

Getting Intentional with Goal-Setting

After clearing up where you’ve been, where you are and where you want to go in a general sense, the PowerSheets workbook walks you through the nitty-gritty of goal-setting.

To start, you write out ten specific goals you want to work on in the coming year. Then you break them down into smaller steps.

So I’ll be honest; ten goals felt really overwhelming to me. I can’t focus on that many big things at once.

However, the targeting questions in Powersheets help you focus on the most important ones first, based on your current priorities, and then work on others later.

Looking book at the goals I set at the beginning of 2018, I was a little surprised that I only met two of them completely. That hurt my perfectionist heart a little bit.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t accomplish anything! I ended up dropping one of my goals completely, as it didn’t make sense anymore. As for the rest, I made progress significant progress on every one. Furthermore, as the year went on, I got better at defining my goals in a way that was realistic and relevant.

Each quarter in PowerSheets, you either recommit to your original goals or change them. As life shifts, so does your focus.

Overall, what really impressed me was that the process helped me appreciate the journey more than the destination. This phrase is repeated throughout the workbook:

In 2019 I decided that I didn’t have to fill up the spaces for all 10 goals. (Perhaps I’m getting over my perfectionism—you DON’T have to fill everything in!)

What I’ve loved over time is that I can tweak my PowerSheets to suit my needs. They’re here to serve me, not the other way around.

UPDATE: Some people might have felt similar, because the 2020 version has only 8 goals. I think it’s a good change!

Staying Focused Day After Day, Week After Week, Month After Month

You know how it goes; you can get really excited about making some big changes and focusing on goals at the beginning of the year, only to lose momentum after a month or two. You then spend the majority of the year drifting through life, until you start all over again.

To combat this tendency, the PowerSheets workbook has the tools to keep you focused on your goals all year long:

Seasonal reflection: Every three months, you can hit the “reset” button on your goals and on your life, as you monitor your long-term progress.
Monthly reflection: Before you make your plans each month, you can reflect on how the last month went. You also look at your big goals and prioritize what you want to focus on next. There’s lots of space for brain-dumping so that you can clear the clutter and let go of the things you’re worried about that won’t really matter in the long-run.
Tending list: This is a perforated sheet that you can tear out and keep wherever it’s convenient. You keep track of your progress, including monthly goals, weekly goals and daily goals that help you work towards your big goals.

This system is brilliant. It’s simple, not overwhelming, and motivating all year long.

I admit, I haven’t been a perfect student using the tending list. I sometimes go over a week without glancing at it. Nevertheless, it still keeps me a lot more focused than I would be without it.

Another cool thing about the PowerSheets workbook is that it is not a daily calendar planner.

Say what?!?

I love this because it’s versatile enough to use with the planner of your choice. I use a combination of Google Calendar and bullet journaling, and PowerSheets help me get the most out of them. (I explain my planning system more in the Ultimate Time Management Guide for Moms.)

However, this can be a bit of a downer if you’re looking for an all-in-one planning system. Purchasing a nice planner in addition to PowerSheets can get expensive and take up a lot of space.

UPDATE: The 2020 version does feature a month-at-glance calendar. Good addition!

Additional Features

Beyond the very thorough worksheets, you get several other perks with PowerSheets:

A beautiful design and stickers galore: This is not a big deal to me, but if fun and colorful aesthetics are important to you, you won’t be disappointed.
Wildcard pages: You can download customizable pages to insert into your PowerSheets, including budget pages, meal plans, grocery lists, health worksheets…you name it! I didn’t really take full advantage of these but would like to try more of them in the future.
Support community: There’s an active PowerSheets Facebook group with over 12,000 members. So if you feel stuck or unmotivated you can just pop in there for two seconds. The Cultivate What Matters team also has a lot of resources that help you get the most out of your workbook.

Are PowerSheets Worth It?

It’s obvious that I’m fan. But are PowerSheets a good choice for everyone?

The one-year PowerSheets workbook is not cheap, at $60 plus taxes and shipping. If your budget is tight, you may need to save up or ask for one as a gift.

To get the most out of it, you also should make a commitment to actually use it. And I’m not gonna lie; it takes time.

I personally need several hours to complete the assessment worksheets at the beginning of the workbook, and about an hour or two each month as I reflect on my progress.

PowerSheets are not for you if you’re not committed to investing time, energy and money in your personal growth. They are not magical and will not help you if you’re not willing to do the difficult work of self-examination, setting goals and following through.

If you’re the type of person who buys cool things but doesn’t use them, then you might want to think twice before ordering. Make sure you’re ready to put in the work.

PowerSheets are for you if you’re eager to live more intentionally and are committed to the investment that process takes.

Not Quite Ready for PowerSheets?

If you’re intrigued by the goal-setting process but not ready to invest, you may like the simple goal-setting workbook that you can download from my collection of free resources. This can point in the direction of living more intentionally until you’re ready to take the next step.

Leave a comment: What do you think about PowerSheets? Do you have any more questions about them?

10 Bible Verses for the Stressed Out Mama

September 18, 2019 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Are you a stressed out mom looking for encouragement? While the Bible doesn’t talk about “stress” explicitly in the way we think of it, there is nonetheless quite a lot the Scriptures say about how to respond. I hope these verses help! Be sure to grab the printable download.

If you're in need of some inspiration and encouragement as a mom, these Bible verses address stress at the heart! Let God's word transform you from the inside out to deal with life's worry, anxieties and stress.

Rachel Lynette French

When my daughter was about 6 months old, I remember one day when I was carrying her on my hip. I had my phone balanced between my ear and my shoulder and was trying to sort laundry while I talked, while my 2- and 4-year-old boys were wreaking havoc who-knows-where in our admittedly cluttered house.

And then it happened.

My back didn’t exactly give out, but it started throbbing painfully near the shoulders. I thought perhaps I had pulled a muscle and was forced to rest.

I felt useless. I could hardly lift my infant daughter; neither could I carry out some of my daily responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. After a few days, I decided to get some help.

But after many months and appointments with a physician, chiropractors, physical therapists and massage therapists, it didn’t get much better.

It was frustrating to discover that this was a chronic problem. It seemed like it would never go away.

There were a few physical changes I made that helped, including getting serious about strength training and working on my flexibility. But it wasn’t until I started taking a look at my emotional state that things really started to get better.

I was stressed out. Constantly.

My hands were full in every sense of the word. In addition to my responsibilities as a mom of three young kids, I was taking on more than I could handle with work and volunteer opportunities. I was also lonely and grieving loss—my closest friend and my sister had moved away within months of each other. And deep down, I was resenting my role in motherhood.

I thought that breaking down crying once a week or so was the norm. (It’s not.)

I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. And I think it broke them.

Unmanaged stress does weird things to our bodies.

For me, it manifested in painful knots in my upper back. For others, it can reveal itself in panic attacks, rashes, insomnia, high blood pressure, cysts…In fact, if anything strange is happening to you, you might want to consider stress as a cause.

Now, 6 years later, I can say I rarely have my telltale back pain. I’ve learned a ton about managing stress biblically, and I’m passionate about sharing it.

I know that many of my readers love my Mama Verses scripture lists, so it made sense to put one together on stress.

While I completely believe in the power of the Word of God to transform our hearts, these Bible verses for stressed out moms are just the beginning. If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired from the stress in your life, I encourage you to sign up for StressLESS, a free email series I put together to help you get a biblical view on stress.

Verses on Understanding Stress

While the Bible doesn’t talk about “stress” explicitly, do you know what it does talk about? Suffering. Stress is our biological response to the things we care about that happen in our lives. In other words, stress is our natural response to suffering.

Keep that in mind with the following verses:

James 1:2–4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I think it’s important to consider that stress is not all bad. It helps us grow and mature through our trials. You’re not going to avoid it. So embrace it.

Romans 5:3–5

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

The same sentiment is here. (By the way, if you’ve seen any of my other Bible verse lists, you might notice there are some repeats here! They mean that much to me!)

Verses on Surrender

When I think about the things that cause stress, many of them are out of my control! No matter how much I put my worry and anxiety on repeat in my mind, there’s nothing I can actually do about them.

That’s why one of the critical healthy responses to stress is learning how to give to God what is God’s.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

Short, sweet and simple, right? Sort of…but this is easier said than done. When I think of the word “casting,” I think of my boys trying to cast their fishing lines. This is a skill that takes lots and lots of practice. But you’ll never get it if you don’t keep trying to battle your anxiety.

Matthew 6:25–27

‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?’

Many of us know these words of Jesus so well, and yet we need to be reminded again and again. Again, surrendering our worries and anxieties takes lifelong practice.

Philippians 4:4–7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

There are a few more practical tools here that go hand in hand with casting our anxieties on the Lord: practicing gratitude. Rejoicing. Lots and lots of prayer. These are the disciplines that bring the peace that transcends understanding.

Verses on Taking Action

Surrendering our fears and worries to God is one part of the equation, but we also have a responsibility to take action for the things we can control.

Deuteronomy 30:19–20

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

At the end of his life, Moses reminded God’s people that they had choices in life. Whatever happened, they could choose to love God, listen to him and follow his commands, or not.

Whatever our circumstances, we are presented with the same choice. Even under stress, we can choose to grow and to learn and walk the hard path that God’s way often is, or we can succumb to fear and victimhood.

What this looks like practically can vary quite a bit. Personally, in response to my own stressors, I’ve had to be more intentional about the way I spend my time. I’ve had to choose rest over productivity. I’ve had to reach out for help when I was lonely. God did his part, so I had to try to do mine.

1 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Sometimes my feelings of stress are a result of my own negative thoughts that aren’t true! With the Holy Spirit’s help, we have the ability to change the way we think. It’s a process we participate in actively, by identifying the thoughts that aren’t true and replacing them with the word of God. We can find joy and strength in the Lord.

Verses on Perspective

Lastly, it helps me to remember that there’s typically more going on spiritually than I am aware of.

1 Peter 5:8–9

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

The apostle Peter reminds us not to be off guard. It’s so easy to forget in the midst of our stress that we have a lion-like enemy out there, who is trying to exploit our weaknesses. The call is to recognize him, and resist him.

John 16:33

‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’

Jesus said this to prepare his disciples for the suffering and stress they would have to endure. For me it’s a great reminder to step back and look at the big picture. In light of eternity and the power of the cross, we can take heart.

Ephesians 6:10–17

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I’ll leave you with Paul’s appeal to hang in there and keep fighting, through it all. You’ve got this, because you have a great God who is fighting for you, my friend.

There’s so much more I have to say about dealing with stress in a biblical way! If this post stirs you, be sure to sign up for StressLESS.

Are you dealing with stress as a mom? Which of these Bible verses (or others) are the most helpful to you?

20 Simple Self-Care Ideas to Revitalize Your Body, Mind & Soul

September 11, 2019 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Hey mamas! Are you feeling run-down, burned out, and like you need to seriously prioritize your self-care routine? I’ve got tons of tips in this article, but if you want to put it into practice, be sure to sign up for my FREE self-care toolkit by clicking below, which includes a self-care checklist and more.

I used to think self-care was for sissies.

When a friend in college told me she got nine hours of sleep every night, I scoffed. Any self-respecting person, especially someone claiming to be a Christian, wouldn’t indulge in such luxuries. We’ve got limited hours in a day, so let’s fill them to the brim right?

Even if you’re not as driven as I am, many of us hit a sort of wall when we hit motherhood. All of a sudden, these merciless little humans who really don’t care about your needs suck up whatever time and energy you may have had.

While it’s tempting to wear burnout and exhaustion like badges of honor, the unfortunate thing is that being burned out and exhausted doesn’t really make us the best moms. Or wives. Or people in general.

Yet you’re a daughter of God, my friend. It might feel selfish to take time to care for yourself, but I don’t think that “exhausted mess” or “doormat” was Jesus had in mind for you when he referred to “life to the full” (John 10:10).

Plus, think about what kind of person you want to be for your own children: well-rested, content and overflowing with joy so that you can give them your best.

I’ve done a lot of research on self-care. A lot of people get mixed up and define it as doing things that they like, like getting their nails done or going out with their friends. While there’s nothing wrong with those things, that understanding is not entirely accurate.

I like to differentiate between self-care and escape. True self-care—or biblical rest, as I like to define it—recharges you physically, mentally and spiritually. It is best when intentionally practiced daily, weekly and seasonally.

20 Simple Self-Care Ideas to Refresh Your Body, Mind & Soul

Daily Self-Care Routine Ideas

Habits are powerful. Much of what we do every day is on autopilot, meaning we don’t think about it. Once you’ve built a habit, it will be natural to practice it as part of your daily routine.

So if you want a daily self-care routine that works, it only makes sense to develop habits that will follow automatically.

I’m going to list some daily self-care habit ideas that can potentially transform the way you feel. One caveat before I continue, however.

Please don’t look at this list and then proceed to feel all mopey about all the things you’re doing wrong, or overwhelmed at the thought of what you’re missing. Rather, look at this list as target to shoot for, as well as a gauge to measure where you’re at.

You’re not going to hit the target every day (I don’t!). But if your life feels out of balance, here are some adjustments you can start working on. (Be sure to download the checklist if you want to take a full assessment!)

1. Get 8+ Hours of Sleep

To most moms I know, this sounds like a lofty goal. And for some of us, especially those with little babies, it really is impossible.

However, I think the point here is to prioritize this need as much as you can. When you miss sleep, your cognitive ability suffers, which pretty affects every area of your life from emotional control to your ability to focus.

2. Exercise Daily

Again, this might be a lofty goal, and you probably know you need to do it. But I can’t emphasize enough how much it not only helps you maintain a healthy weight but also improves your mood and energy levels substantially.

Remember, doing something is better than doing nothing. The benefits of just a few minutes of walking or stretching are enormous. So if you don’t make it to the gym one day, don’t give it up as a lost cause.

3. Track Your Water Intake

Did you know that being fatigued is a sign that you’re dehydrated? Your body has to work harder to pump blood and perform essential functions, which makes it try to conserve more of its energy. This is an easy one to fix! Get at least ½ an ounce per pound of body weight per day.

4. Eat Sit-Down Meals

I’m bad at this one sometimes. It’s so tempting to eat while standing in the kitchen multitasking or while on the go.

Sitting down and enjoying a meal helps you be more mindful about your eating habits and encourages your body to slow down and digest your food properly. Try to eat at least one meal a day together as a family is also a great time to connect emotionally.

5. Turn off Your Screens

We are constantly being bombarded with information and visual stimulation because of screens, and research indicates that this is detrimental to mental health.

Be disciplined about the time you spend on your phone. Take time throughout the day to “unplug” so your mind can be at rest, think deeply and process the information it’s taking in. You should especially avoid screens before bed.

6. Journal, Read or Create

Fill the time you have during screens off with something you love! Taking time to learn or create something stimulates your brain in a good way, helps you mature and releases endorphins. While long periods are ideal for deeper concentration, even just a few minutes a day is better than none.

7. Connect with Your Spouse

If you’re married, one of the best things you can do for your family is to prioritize your marriage. Give your husband your full attention and affection at least once a day.

8. Connect with God

Personal connection with God each day is spiritual food (Matthew 4:4). You wouldn’t willfully skip a whole day of food, so why would you skip time with God? Make time for what you need. There are a lot of ways to approach this, so find the one that works for you.

9. Express Gratitude

Keeping a gratitude journal is one of the most effective ways to change your mood as well as your outlook on life. Something about the physical act of writing it down helps your brain process it more effectively—I believe for the benefit of your spirit.

10. Laugh

This is something kids do naturally and yet adults can quickly forget. I believe that pure humor (not mean-spirited or mocking), is one of God’s greatest gifts and truly does restore the soul. It reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

11. Practice Deep Breathing

I like to practice deep breathing while in prayer, which helps my mind and my spirit focus on God. Being in practice helps me to remain calm when under stress during other parts of my day.

Weekly Self-Care Routine Ideas

My weekly self-care routine is different than my daily one because it digs deeper. If daily practices are like a shoulder rub, weekly practices are more like a deep tissue massage (sounds nice, huh?).

I’ve developed these weekly habits not just because I think they sound nice. Out of all of my self-care practices, they have the most direct correlation with what I find in the Bible.

Since the Creation account in Genesis 1, we see a weekly pattern of work and rest repeated over and over. God initiated it when he rested on the seventh day and enjoyed his work. He commanded his people to do the same in the Ten Commandments and elsewhere. It’s called Sabbath, an intentional rest.

While I don’t think we’ll be punished today if we don’t follow the Sabbath the way the Israelites were commanded to (Romans 6:14), I’m of the personal belief that there is much benefit to this weekly rhythm of rest.

Weekly rituals don’t have to be extravagant, but they aren’t necessarily easy either. What makes them challenging is not the practices themselves, but rather, prioritizing them. They take intention.

I have to guard my routine fiercely. These are ways I not only feel refreshed myself, but also feel more connected with the people I love. (If you need help keeping your priorities straight too, don’t forget to sign up for the self-care toolkit.)

1. 24-Hour Period of Rest

Whatever happened to weekends? I don’t know about you, but a mixture of household chores, kids’ activities, parties and church events compete for a spot on my calendar. Not to mention everything still on my to-do list from the previous week.

A couple of years ago I decided that instead of trying to squeeze my rest in here and there, wherever it would fit, I would personally experiment with the Sabbath model I find in the Bible. I devote a 24-hour period each week to rest.

My rules are specifically for me. I don’t check my email or social media accounts during that period, to give my busy mind a break. I do minimal housework (which requires prep in advance!). I don’t do any business-related writing. While our family will occasionally entertain guests, we try to stay low-key.

I have to admit, it isn’t always easy to protect that time. I’ve slipped and “cheated” on my own rules, and sometimes I’ve given in to some of the demands on my schedule. But overall I have felt like this practice has helped me feel refreshed more than any other.

I share more in this video:

2. Communion/Worship

Starting the week with worship, the Lord’s Supper and fellowship is the model we see the early believers following in the Book of Acts. Interestingly, many of them were Jewish Christians, and it is very likely that they did this in addition to their traditional Saturday Sabbath.

Regardless of when exactly you come together for worship, the point is that you do it. When I’m unable to attend church because I’m out of town or sick, I’ll still do some sort of reflective devotional with my family.

3. Family Time

I’ve also found it important to have other rituals for our family throughout our week that are restful anchors in our schedule. One of these is what we call “family night.” It’s a holdover tradition from my husband’s childhood.

Every Monday night, the Poirier family is unavailable to do anything but spend time with one another. Following dinner together we do something relaxing as a family unit. Usually that’s a movie, popcorn and some chocolate chip cookies. If the weather is warm, we might get a little more adventurous. It’s one of the highlights of our week and helps keep us close.

4. One-on-One Time

Every week my husband and I will each try to get alone time with one of the kids, on a rotation. He’ll come home from work and take one of the kids out to lunch. My time often involves getting cupcakes, sometimes a board game, and some good talks.

With three kids in the house, it can be tough to have meaningful conversations with each one. This ritual, which we call “special day,” gives us the opportunity to connect with our kids and help them feel loved as individuals—and help us feel love and connection in return! I find that if I’m really taking the effort to be present with each child one-on-one, I’m a lot less likely to give in to my temper and frustration at other times.

5. Marriage Time/Date

As I mentioned above, my husband and I try to connect every day. But as much as possible we also try to have a weekly date. We have extended family that lives in town, so it does make it easier for us with free babysitting. But you can still connect over something as simple as putting the kids to bed early and having dinner and a movie alone or playing a board game.

Making the marriage a priority when life is exhausting is, I believe, one of the most important things you can do for your family, and yourself. It helps you and your spouse be unified, better parents—and a lot happier.

6. Spend Time in Nature

While it would be ideal if we could all get out and enjoy the sunshine every day, for much of the year that’s not a realistic possibility. So that’s why I make this a weekly goal (much more in nice weather!).

Fresh air and ample sunlight (or stars and moonlight) boost your mood and your health, not to mention naturally draw you closer to your Creator (Psalm 19:1).

It’s tough when the weather is bad or you’re not feeling well. If you can’t get out for a walk, at the very least spend more time simply exposing yourself to daylight (and this is probably more of a daily ritual rather than weekly).

7. Connect with a Friend

I’ve written about my struggles with loneliness, especially when my kids were little and their needs as preschoolers were extremely demanding on my energy and mental health. I’ve worked hard to build deep friendships in my life because I desperately need them.

One of the most effective ways I’ve connected with other women and deepened my relationships is getting together once a week with one or two friends. It’s preferable to do it without kids because we’ll have more time to talk, but it’s possible to do with kids if that’s the only way to make it happen.

This practice has generated laughter, tears and overall soul-healing again and again. If you don’t have friends like these in your life, my advice is to pray, initiate, pray and initiate. It’s worth it!

Those are the seven anchors I have in my weekly self-care routine. There are several blank spaces on my printable self-care checklist, because everyone fills up a little differently. Feel free to customize it with your favorite rituals that refresh your body, mind and soul.

Other Periodic Self-Care Ideas

Being intentional about daily and weekly self-care goes a long way. But occasionally it’s necessary to take even more time.

There are natural periods of rest built into the rhythms of the world around us, like the change of seasons and cultural celebrations. Take advantage of these times to practice rest thoughtfully.

1. Take a Personal Retreat

I’ve started taking time quarterly to have a day to myself (typically on a day of rest I have already set aside). I take as many hours I can alone, so that I can pray, reflect, focus and assess my goals and priorities.

I also like to take a couple of hours at the end of each month to do a mini-reflection. It’s not as long, but it helps me stay focused as I plan my time.

2. Make Your Seasons of Celebrations Restful

Too often when we think of holidays or vacations, they are anything but restful. To prevent the burnout associated with times that should be refreshing, be sure to plan ahead of time what you want those seasons to look like. I offer some ideas in Want a More Restful Christmas Season? Here’s What to Do.

I hope these ideas have inspired you to be more intentional about building rest into your life. Remember, this is not a list of “shoulds” to make you feel guilty, but rather a tool to help you make whatever improvements you will find helpful.

If you want to dig deeper into the why and how of biblical self-care, be sure to check out my eCourse, Choose Rest, as well as my self-care toolkit for Christian moms.

Choose Rest Christian Self-Care eCourse Gina M Poirier

Leave a comment: based on this list, how do you want to revitalize your self-care routine?

8 Core Habits That Build a Stronger, Closer Family

June 11, 2019 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Welcome! If you’re looking for resources to build a strong family, you’re in the right place! Be sure to check out a whole library of printables and more to help you strengthen your faith and your family.

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

When I was a teenager, I spent more than a few hours sitting out on our back deck.

It was my habitual safe place. I came there to ask my deep questions, share my fears, or just watch the squirrels bicker over the nuts we left out for them.

My mom was there. She thoughtfully sipped her coffee during her smoke breaks, sometimes listening, sometimes sharing her own musings. Sometimes one or both of my sisters were there too, joining in these quiet moments in our otherwise hectic lives.

We weren’t what you might traditionally call a “strong family.” We didn’t go to church. We argued a lot. My parents were divorced and remarried, and I was navigating the complexities of blended families in two households. We had a very average amount of dysfunction as I came of age and was trying to figure out the world.

But we had a few things on straight.

A couple of decades later, we’re still close. And I think it’s in part because of the foundation that was laid in our formative years.

I don’t know how you define a strong family, but I define it as one whose members love each other unconditionally. They actually enjoy being together. They support each other for their whole lives.

It doesn’t matter if the core family unit has two parents, one parent, or even a grandparent thrown in the mix.

You can still love each other, no matter what.

So how do you create this strong family culture of unconditional love? Are some families just luckier than others or have more easy-going genetics?

There are a lot of factors that go into family dynamics including personalities and the emotional maturity of the parents. Some things are difficult to control or overcome.

But there’s one factor you can control that’s relatively simple: your core family habits.

What Are Family Habits and Why Are They Important?

Simply defined, a habit is a regular tendency or practice.

A core habit (also called a keystone habit) is a foundational habit that starts a chain reaction of other good habits. For example, if you practice the keystone habit of daily workouts, you’re more likely to follow other healthy lifestyle habits like proper sleep and nutrition.

You might think of habits as practices than an individual follows: brushing your teeth. Making your bed. Working out. Daily Bible reading.

But habits can be practiced on a group level too. In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg explores how cultural habits of organizations can ultimately spell success or disaster. The same can apply to families.

Family habits are regular practices that members of your family follow. Habits that occur on a daily basis hold a lot of weight, but weekly practices and other processes can hold weight too.

Logic follows that core family habits start a cascade of other good habits. Families who spend quality time together practicing meaningful rituals simply have more opportunity to love each other in healthy ways.

Think about your own childhood. What experiences helped your family bond?

There were a couple of unshakeable habits I knew I could always rely on when I was growing up. Family dinner was one. Family movie and pizza night was another. And talking on the back porch with Mom whenever I needed her was a third.

Now, as we shape the culture of our family unit, my husband and I get to build our own habits.

This list isn’t exhaustive or exclusive. You don’t necessarily need to follow all of these habits to build a strong family culture.

But if unity and love in your family for a lifetime are important to you, you might want to consider how you can fit these practices into your everyday life.

8 Habits of Strong Families

1. Weekly Family-Only Time

We treasure all the funny words our kids used to say when they were learning to talk. One of my favorites from my daughter when she was a tot was “pawcone.”

A.k.a. “popcorn.”

For her, popcorn wasn’t just a tasty snack. It was tied to a ritual: family night.

Every Monday evening, we pop popcorn on the stove and bake chocolate chip cookies after dinner. Then we snuggle up in the basement and watch whatever family film is on the docket for the week.

We eliminate distractions. We don’t have friends over; we don’t make appointments. We stay off our individual electronics. (On the rare occasion when there is an unavoidable commitment, we shift family night to another night.)

I treasure this ritual more and more as the kids get older and our lives get busier. It’s one of the few moments we get each week to slow down and just be together. We laugh at funny movies and groan about bad ones. We get extended snuggle time (a rarity with big kids!). Plus, it just makes Mondays better.

Your ritual doesn’t have to be over a movie; it doesn’t even have to be over an evening. But this time to unwind together can be a vital habit to build connection.

Weekly family time is a practical way a family can choose rest instead of busyness; we are modeling Sabbath in a culture obsessed with productivity.

2. One-On-One Time with Kid and Parent

I chuckle a little bit when I remember how my mom and I used to sit on the porch together. A lot has changed since then. But what hasn’t changed is the open invitation for me to just be with her.

My husband grew up with a family habit called “special day.” His dad would take one child out each week during his lunch break.

As parents, we decided to carry this practice forward; each gets one-on-one “special day” with a child every week (the third kid gets to hang out with their grandma).

This is a highlight of the week for everyone. While the kids like to go out to eat with their dad, they mix up their activities with me. Sometimes we get a “treat;” sometimes we play board games; sometimes we go on a special shopping trip.

Structured one-on-one time has been pivotal for some great conversations and memories (and I’m pretty sure my daughter will become a coffee drinker when she gets older). It also opens the door to good casual conversations at home, just like my mom and I had.

It’s also wise to set aside time every day to connect with your kids on an individual level, playing on the floor or just talking about school. Whatever your frequency, having some time set aside just for one child communicates to them that they are important and loved, and sets the foundation for your life-long relationship with them.

3. Supporting Each Other’s Interests

Whenever there’s a performance or a sporting event, attendance for the family is mandatory.

All of my kids are super stars. Or at least I hope they feel like they are.

My daughter isn’t always thrilled to go to all of her brother’s soccer games. Neither is he all that excited to watch her dance recitals.

But it doesn’t matter, because we are each other’s biggest fans. We put down the electronics when our family members are playing and we cheer for them.

There are exceptions, of course. Sometimes events overlap, and that’s fine. But these are the exceptions, not the rule.

This habit helps us build a culture where individuals feel supported no matter what their passions are. I’ve also noticed that it helps the kids feel closer to one another, because they’re involved in each other’s lives.

4. Daily Meals Together

It’s well researched that daily family dinners are crucial to creating a strong family culture. This is the time of day when everyone can sit down together and connect.

To get the most out of family dinner, set a few ground rules. No electronics. Everyone waits for each other before they start eating. No one leaves the table without being excused.

I know the excuses; it can feel overwhelming to cook every night of the week. I have a few hacks to make it easier, including simple meal planning, and letting my husband take a meal or two each week.

Engaging kids in the kitchen is also a fun way to stretch your quality time together. Little kids aren’t so helpful. But don’t worry, stick with it because big kids definitely are!

Also: in my view there is nothing wrong with the ocassional frozen pizza or takeout.

Some families can’t do a regular dinner because of work schedules. In that case, think outside the box; do breakfast together or whatever meal you can.

Even if someone can’t make a meal (perhaps a late work shift or an out-of-town sporting event), sit down anyway with those who are present. That way you’ll still be in the habit.

5. Spiritual Purpose and Growth

When your kids live at home, you have the unique opportunity to help define their values and who they are. While they will ultimately choose their own path when they grow up, you have a lot of influence on which way they will go.

We want our kids to know that there is a God who loves them and who wants a relationship with them. We teach them how to be people of integrity who manage their impulses, try their best, and respect other people.

So, we naturally have a lot of habits built into our lives that reflect these priorities:

hort Bible lessons and praying together as part of a bedtime routine.
Praying and memorizing scripture around the breakfast table and saying what we’re thankful for that day.
Praying at meals.
Praying together whenever they feel sad, anxious or scared.
Attending worship services together.

These simple rituals create a culture in which we freely talk about our faith and how to live it out. The kids ask great questions about life and about God, and we wrestle through them together.

6. Going on Adventures Together

My husband and I both have fond childhood memories going on road trips with our families. This was a tradition we were enthusiastic to continue!

We try to go on a vacation each summer, as well as shorter day trips in between. I’m cautious writing about this habit, because I know it can be a financial strain for a lot of families.

But you don’t have to spend a lot of money to make memories and have a great time.

One of my favorite memories as a family was a day trip. We drove about four hours to watch the total solar eclipse in 2017. It was a once-in-a-lifetime event that I hope my kids never forget.

Going on adventures, big or small, helps your family bond over a memory that you share exclusively with each other. Life will change, but the memory and the love you shared during these special times will remain.

7. Reading Aloud

You probably know that reading aloud to pre-reading kids is important for their development. But did you know that it not only helps them with their verbal skills; it also helps you connect with them emotionally?

Some parents stop reading aloud once their kids start reading on their own, but they shouldn’t! Kids enjoy being read to as long as there is a good story to be heard.

I have the privilege of being able to homeschool my kids, so we include read-aloud as part of our daily academic schedule. But it’s also something we just love to do.

Since they’re now all school age, we especially love listening to audio books in the car (yes, this “counts”). We’ve gone through epic kids’ novel series together including Harry Potter, The Penderwicks and A Series of Unfortunate Events.

It’s fun to pause in the middle of a moment of suspense and try to guess what will happen next. We’ll naturally want to talk about the books we’re reading together as a sort of informal family book club! If that doesn’t help your family feel stronger and closer, I don’t know what would.

8. Hospitality and Service

Since our Christian faith is a big part of our lives, it’s only natural that we want to include the whole family in regular acts of hospitality and service.

Having people over to you home can feel overwhelming, especially with little kids. You can barely feed yourselves, let alone other people!

But let me assure you of a couple of things. First, you don’t have to have a perfectly clean and orderly house in order to be a host. Second, your kids will benefit tremendously by learning how to practice hospitality from the time they’re young.

When we have guests over, the whole family helps. The kids can help prepare the food and clean up the house. If our guests include other children, our kids can practice sharing what we have with them and helping them feel welcome. These are life skills they’ll be glad to have as they get older.

We also make it a priority to serve others outside our home when we can. Whenever there’s a family-friendly volunteer event, we make it a priority to be there.

By practicing hospitality, providing food for the hungry and cleaning up our community, we’re working together towards something bigger than ourselves. And that is one of the most powerful things you can give your kids.

What If Your Kids Resist?

I’ll end with a quick comment about the challenges to practicing the habits that build a strong family culture. What if your kids resist?

After all, toddlers and teenagers alike are extremely opinionated. Forcing them to practice habits could backfire.

The answer? Involve and empower them as you create your family rituals. They have a voice, so let them use it.

This can be as simple as letting your toddler help pick out the snack for movie night. Or it could be involving your teen in planning for your next outing.

In order to make this feasible, allow space for your kids to offer feedback and be engaged in defining your family’s core habits.

If you’re already having dinners, bedtime devotionals and one-on-one time together, these are great opportunities to get their feedback. Some families also like communicating during family meetings (although try to not only have them when there’s a problem. They should be a positive experience.).

When you’re genuinely listening to your kids and empowering them to be a contributing member of the family, chances are they’ll be enthusiastic about what you get to do together.

Now I’d love to hear from you: what core habits do you practice to create a strong family culture? Leave a comment and share your ideas!

How to Pray When You Just Can’t Focus

June 7, 2019 by Gina Poirier 55 Comments

Welcome, friend! Are you looking to kickstart your prayer life? Be sure to check out the Teach Me to Pray Journal, in addition to the tips in this post.

Knowing how to pray is one of those things you think should come naturally, right? Especially if you’ve been a Christian for a while?

But if you’re like thousands of other people who’ve landed on this post, I bet you’ve run into the same problem: you can’t focus. You don’t know what to say or even where to start sometimes. It just doesn’t come naturally for everyone.

I’ve been praying in some capacity since I was a teen. I remember curling up in my bed at night when my life felt confusing, asking a big mysterious God for guidance and strength. I drifted in and out of a youth group and felt guilty for my lack of commitment, although I wasn’t even sure what “commitment” to him should look like.

Finally I promised this God that I would go to church when I went to college.

I kept that promise and my life turned upside down. After deciding to follow Jesus I never looked back. Early on I learned that if I was going to keep this up, prayer was going to be an essential part of my life.

But here’s the thing. I suck at praying.

I say that a little tongue in cheek because at least I’m trying, and I’m pretty sure God listens to whatever jumbled mess of thoughts I throw his way. But let me give an example of what my mornings can look like…

My alarm goes off, I grumble, hit snooze a couple of times.

I finally turn on my phone and start rifling through emails and notifications, to wake up my brain. I start thinking about my day.

Depending on the day, I either read some of the Bible or go work out. Or put it off and sleep more.

At some point I turn to God like I know I should (and want to):

“Good morning God, thank you for the beautiful sunrise, thank you for guiding our family…oh I wonder how Jonathan’s cough is this morning. I’ll need to give him his medicine, but first I’ll need to make breakfast…oh no, I hope we’re not out of bread…oh sorry God, I mean, uh, please help Jonathan feel better…is he well enough to go to the library? Ugh, I really need to deposit those checks on the way home, Marc needs to sign them before he leaves…oh hi God, sorry, ummmm where was I? Ugh, I’m so tired, can’t focus…”

I could blame the stage of life I’m in, but the truth is I have always struggled with this. I’m a Type A, always planning, always ten steps ahead of where I’m at.

I have difficulty being in the moment.

When I pray, I just can’t focus.

Some people naturally pour their hearts out to God every time they turn to him. Others have to learn it through practice and habit. Guess which category I fall into.

I’ve made the mistake of assuming that knowing how to pray is a skill that everyone should know automatically, but it doesn’t quite work that way. As someone constantly grappling with grace I know that my prayer life is not something to be ashamed of, but it reflects a weakness in character that needs strengthening.

Over the years I’ve learned that there are a lot of ways to connect with God in a meaningful way. I may not be the 21^st century Psalmist, but I can pray faithfully and powerfully even with my disjointed, distracted train of thought.

If you relate to this, I hope you don’t feel guilty. Just know that God is listening, no matter what you try. And if you feel like you don’t know how to pray, don’t worry. It’s never too late to learn.

How To Pray When You Just Can’t Focus

Focus in prayer can be tougher than it looks, so I compiled the best tips about how to pray, for beginners or anyone!

Here are some simple tips about how to pray and connect with God if you struggle with consistency and focus. Also be sure check out the journal I developed as a result of the popularity of this post (you can try a free sample!).

1. Pray Out Loud

Yes, even when you’re by yourself. Or not by yourself.

When I was a college student I would pretend I was on my phone while I prayed during my walk to class so people wouldn’t think I was crazy!

I think of the story of Daniel. A Babylonian law forbade anyone to pray to any god but the king, yet Daniel continued to pray visibly and loudly enough to get arrested. Why didn’t he whisper or do it in his head? (See Daniel 6.) I find that when I make my thoughts verbal, they’re less likely to trail off.

2. Sing Hymns

No need to come up with eloquent words when they’ve already been written. Don’t turn on music and zone out; say the words and mean them. I’m a fan of old-timey hymns with rich lyrics as opposed to saying “hallelujah” over and over. Get a songbook/hymnal, or print out some lyrics and try it!

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord —Ephesians 5:19

3. Start with the Lord’s Prayer

Sometimes there is great value in ritual. It can keep us on target.

Jesus’ disciples were with him constantly and must have seen his relationship with his Father, and yet they still asked, “how do we pray?” Jesus laid a foundation in Matthew 6:9–13:

This, then, is how you should pray: ’Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’

When I don’t know what to say, I know I can’t go wrong with honoring God, asking that his will be done; asking for what I need, for forgiveness and for help through my weaknesses.

4. Imitate Great Prayers in the Bible

Just as Jesus set an example in prayer, so did many other people in the Bible. Pick one. I love Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 2:1–10 for starters.

5. Fast

It’s Lent as I write this so fasting is on a lot of people’s minds; however, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to get your heart and mind spiritually focused.

I know that whenever I have practiced a traditional fast by giving up food, the hunger is a constant, humbling reminder that my strength comes from God alone. That helps me focus.

6. Pray Continually

This tip is for you, parents—yeah you who don’t have more than five quiet minutes to yourselves ever.

You’re probably already aware of this, but praying doesn’t have to be a formal event. God’s listening all the time.

Say a quick thanks, a shout out for your friend, praise, or a request for help whenever you think of it. Nehemiah did it constantly, if you want inspiration.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;  for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. —1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

7. Pray with Your Kids

This seems obvious, but is it? I regularly forget to even pray at meals.

Yet I nonetheless try to have regular times throughout the day. This practice not only for them—it helps me too.

We pray when we load up the car (usually because this is stressful and I need the reset button). We pray at the beginning of our school day. We pray whenever someone is scared or sick or is being disciplined. We pray when kids throw fits and we pray when Mommy throws fits. We pray when something awesome happens and we want to thank God. We pray as a family at bedtime.

These are quick and may or may not always be super heartfelt, but you know what? They add up. And what’s more, you’re teaching them how to pray!

8. Pray with Your Spouse

Sometimes this overlaps with the praying with the kids thing, but we try to spend at least some time in prayer together daily. Want to try something super humbling? Stop to pray in the middle of a fight.

9. Go for a Prayer Walk or Drive

I did this a lot more before I had kids and when they were stroller size. Just thinking about it makes me want to get back in the habit. There is something about being outside that clears the mind. When you’re out walking you’re less likely to be distracted with your to-do list. Plus, there’s nature.

The heavens declare the glory of God;  the skies proclaim the work of his hands. —Psalm 19:1

10. Pray the Psalms

I remember the first time I read through the book of Psalms; I was completely bored. Yeah, really.

At that time I was trying to absorb the knowledge that the Bible offered, and I was falling asleep getting through this very long collection of poetry. But years later, I love the Psalms because they have guided me in prayer on so many occasions.

You know those times when your mind is a flurry and you’re either sobbing uncontrollably or you’re so numb that you can’t even do that? You want to pray but you don’t even know where to begin? Pray a Psalm. A couple of my favorites include Psalm 23 and Psalm 63.

Friends, I don’t call myself a prayer warrior, but even as I write this I feel empowered because I know that in spite of my weaknesses, I do speak and God hears my prayers. If you have a hard time focusing, I hope this lists empowers you too.

If you found these tips helpful, be sure to check out this prayer journal!

The first week (which you can get for free) spends seven days going through the teachings of Jesus. You’ll also receive a free email series about how to make prayer a daily habit.

Plus, check out my Facebook Live video on how I pray when I’m a hot mess: