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11 Bible Verses to Banish Mommy Guilt

May 1, 2018 by Gina Poirier 2 Comments

Do you wrestle with mommy guilt—that nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough or that you’re screwing up? Then you’re in the right place! Be sure to grab the printable download of these Bible verses in my free resource collection.

Meireles Neto

I screwed up again. My eight-year-old’s eyes spilled over in tears and he turned away, a little embarrassed. “We just did what you wanted to do, not what I wanted,” he confessed. “It wasn’t fun.”

Mixed feelings of guilt, shame and anger heated my face. I had taken him to the mall on a special outing with just the two of us to get him some new shoes and a special snack. It didn’t turn out as planned because or local mall is shutting down stores like crazy. The shoe choices and the snack options were very limited.

I was hurt that he wasn’t more thankful, yet at the same time I felt horrible that I had let him down. My efforts weren’t enough.

Mommy guilt.

It’s this condition I’ve battled with ever since I heard his first cry. This impossible question lingers constantly: Am I doing enough?

I know I’m not the only one with this issue, so I asked members of our Facebook group what made them feel guilty. The answers weren’t surprising, things like:

Not spending enough time with the kids
Not meeting their emotional needs
Taking time away from them for self-care
Not playing enough with them or doing what other moms do
Not feeding them enough healthy food

Do you see a pattern here?

Not enough.

Banish Mommy Guilt with Scriptural Truth

“Not enough” is a pretty sneaky little lie that we mamas give undeserved brain space.

It’s sneaky because in one sense, it holds just a kernel of truth: we fall short of perfection. So in that sense, no we’re not “enough” and never will be. But on the other hand, because Christ does immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, we are more than enough through all of our weaknesses.

So the next time you are wallowing in guilt, whether you legitimately screwed up or are worried that you did, meditate on these truths and put their teachings into practice.

On Confession

I’ll be honest: I did not plan on having this section when I started thinking about this topic! But the more I dug into the word “guilt” in the Bible, it was apparent that the first step to healing is confession.

So be honest with yourself, with God and with other believers about those things that are weighing on your heart.

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Proverbs 28:13

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

On Being Enough

That feeling of “not enough”? It’s a lie because Christ is more than enough. His love for you and intervention on your behalf give you a brand new start each and every time you feel “less than,” with your parenting and so much more.

Colossians 2:13–14

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.

1 John 2:1b

But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

Romans 5:1

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ…

Hebrews 9:14

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

On Moving Forward

I think this is the hardest part for my guilty conscience to accept. I know that I am forgiven and cleansed through Christ, but the truth is I still fall ridiculously short when it comes to loving my kids.

These verses help me remember to live in faith instead of fear, anxiety and guilt. God’s grace is sufficient; he fills in the gaps where I fall short. And because of this, my heart can be at peace.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Hebrews 10:22

[L]et us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Philippians 4:6–7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Want to keep these Bible verses handy? You can access them and other Bible verses for moms! Just click below:

Memory Verses for Kids: 10 Simple Scriptures Families Can Learn Together

April 24, 2018 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

Learning memory verses can be a big part of cultivating your kids’ faith. Read on to learn about how our family has been practicing this skill and get a great list of scriptures you can memorize together. You might also like this post: 10 Easy Bible Verses for Kids To Improve Behavior.

Ben White

The high-pitched wailing of my five-year-old daughter pierced my ears one morning.

(I was resting and trying to fend off a nasty chest cold, but of course, mamas don’t get sick days when the kids are at home.)

She burst through my bedroom door with tears flowing freely, pleading her case before me about how her brother was treating her unjustly.

I did not have the energy or the will to be judge and jury at that moment of which Legos go where. But it was either suffer through that or suffer through screaming, so I trudged down to the playroom.

God must have been feeling for me at that moment.

While it was tempting to yell at the offending parties and just shut down the whole operation, I opened my Bible and read a scripture instead:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. —Colossians 3:12

I talked about each of the words and asked my kids if they knew what they meant. They quietly listened and thought about it. Then we calmly talked through the situation and resolved the argument quickly with very few tears.

The passage came to mind because the kids and I memorized it last month, and it was very familiar to us. This was just an opportunity to show them how to put what they had learned into practice.

That’s one of the reasons I think there’s so much value in memorizing scripture with your kids. When they’ve already stored biblical truths in their memories, it makes your job easier as a parent when you’re teaching them how to live.

They already know the why (i.e. God’s people treat others with kindness) so you can just show them the how (i.e. not screaming at your brother).

Finish reading 10 Simple Bible Verses Kids Can Memorize over at Equipping Godly Women, which includes practical memorizing tips!

Want a printable list of these memory verses for kids? You can download it from my collection of free resources for Christian moms.

Do you do memory verses with your kids? What helps your family learn them?

When God Says “Go”…and You’re a Hot Mess

April 20, 2018 by Gina Poirier 13 Comments

This is a book review for When God Says “Go” by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, which is all about rising to challenge and change without losing your confidence, your courage or your cool. Read on to learn how you can win a signed copy!

Morgan Sessions

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

My hand shook as I held my cup of water. Was my heart racing too? It was late afternoon and I wondered if perhaps I’d had a little too much caffeine.

I couldn’t focus. I was meeting my friend at a local coffee shop to talk about her, but all I could think about was myself. I was worried, replaying conversations in my head and calculating worst-case scenarios.

She sat down with her salad and looked up at me. I realized at that moment that this conversation wasn’t going to go at all the way I had planned.

It wasn’t the caffeine. It was anxiety, which was starting to boil over into full panic.

Tears filled my eyes as I decided to forget agendas and just be real. Big things were unfolding in my life. They were good things. But, they were big, scary things like moving forward in an international adoption and making weighty decisions in my writing career. I was scared.

I wish I could say that this was months ago and that I have figured out how to deal with my fears. But this was just a few days ago.

I’m still scared.

Sometimes, especially when your days are full of diaper changes, wiping noses, schoolwork help and dishes, the speed of life can feel like a crawl. But at other times you find yourself on or about to get on a roller coaster, and there will a point when it will be too late to get off.

This is what it feels like when God says, “Go.”

It just so happened that the rumblings in my life started happening right when I received this book in the mail:

Needless to say, When God Says “Go” spoke to me.

When God Says “Go”

My friend Elizabeth is a funny, passionate storyteller who brilliantly looks into the Bible and brings to life what it was like for everyday people to interact with God. Through their imperfect, emotional and often comical reactions, he brought his ultimate plans to fruition.

The people we read about in the Bible are just as human as you and I. And the God who worked with them is the same one who works with all of us. Elizabeth relates their stories to everyone’s.

To be clear, a call from God today isn’t an audible command. Usually it’s a combination of circumstance, advice, biblical truth and gut feeling/Spirit prompting. (The book explains in further detail about how to clarify whether God is prompting you or whether you’re just having indigestion.)

Whether God is saying “go,” “stop,” “stay” or “proceed with caution” to you right now, Elizabeth’s deep digging into the biblical narrative has some thoughtful and encouraging insight. While there were many points that were helpful to me personally, three especially stood out.

By the way, Elizabeth has another great book called When God Says “Wait,” which I also highly recommend.

1. It’s Not About You

I’ve noticed a trend when I hear people talk about “God’s call” for their lives (and I fall into this trap as well). We can focus a lot on what he wants for us, without spending much time thinking about what he wants, period. We can get sucked into obsessing about our own gifts and dreams and whether we’re living to our “full potential.” Those aren’t bad things to wonder about, but they’re really secondary to God’s ultimate purpose: to redeem and restore all of creation. He’ll do that with or without our help.

There were more than a couple of people in the Bible who objected when God came knocking: “But God, I’m too young/old/wounded/fearful/inadequate.” Elizabeth talks about how Moses was terrified to go back to Egypt and help free the Israelites. What’s interesting about God’s pep talk to him is that it wasn’t about how great Moses was. Instead, God said, “I will be with you.” And that was all that mattered.

As I take my big scary steps forward in the direction I think God is calling me, I already know that I will be inadequate for the task. However, this is irrelevant. I can be faithfully confident that because of Jesus’ promise in Matthew 28:20 (“surely I am with you always”).

2. It’s Normal to Have a Range of Emotions and Responses

I know there are a couple of instances of ridiculously holy people in the Bible who responded to God’s call with enthusiasm and confidence. However, there are many who did not—in fact, I’d say most didn’t.

Some people had even had triumphs of faithfulness in the past, but because of the trials and pain of life, they faltered later. Mary, Jesus’ own mother who had humbly accepted her role to give birth to the savior, later doubted and questioned Jesus’ ministry—after all she had seen in her miracle baby! The apostle Peter as well had some pretty epic stumbling, even after having walked with Jesus and given up everything to follow him.

I’ve had times in my life where I didn’t question God’s will as much and cheerfully got on board, like when I had the opportunity to do mission work in Alaska right after I graduated college. At other times I’ve been anxious, doubtful or downright rebellious about the directions God has led me. These are all normal responses and, while we have to battle through them sometimes, our emotions won’t deter God’s plans. The good news is that while we might be a hot mess, he will remain consistent.

3. Sometimes the Only Way Out Is Through

This is a message I’ve been hearing over and over again recently. By nature I avoid conflict, vulnerability and painful circumstances. I’m pretty good at side-stepping problems. But as I’ve learned the hard way, sometimes the only way to get past your fears and problems is to work through them.

Elizabeth gives the example of the story of Esther, the queen of Persia (secretly Jewish), who was living pretty comfortably until she discovered that her own husband had agreed to annihilate her entire people. Here choices were to not act and watch her people die, or act, and possibly die herself, without helping the situation.

The story, of course, ended with her courageously taking action, as terrifying as it was. And I think that’s where I am in my current situation. When there’s nowhere to go but forward, your only option is to grow.

We cannot run from these situations. Some are griefs that feel past bearing, past surviving—and yet we must bear them. The only way out is through. And in situations like this, God is saying, “Grow.” He gives us no choice but to move forward. No choice but to change (When God Says “Go,” p. 101).

Is God saying “Go” to you in some way right now? Then I’d like to give you the chance to get a signed copy of Elizabeth Laing Thompson’s latest book!

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When God Says Go will be officially released on May 1. Grab your copy now and get some awesome bonuses by clicking below.

How Moms Can Live with More Balance: 5 Lessons from Proverbs 31

April 4, 2018 by Gina Poirier Leave a Comment

When I asked my readers what they needed the most help with when it comes to motherhood, one word that came through time and again was clear:

Balance.

“Balance between work and home.”

“Balance between being a wife and mom.”

“Balance as a wife, mom, homemaker and just being myself.”

“Balancing my time with God with all of the other demands.”

“Balancing it all and not burning out!”

I get it. Adulting is hard.

I think a lot of us have the myth in our heads about the “perfectly balanced woman.” She is always perfectly present and pleasant for her family, runs a tight ship of a home, always pleases her husband and of course does her work flawlessly and on time. Not to mention she is super-spiritual, has memorized the whole Bible and leads her joyful, obedient children in prayer throughout the day.

Mrs. Perfect probably runs a business while homeschooling 17 kids. And she never gets sick because of her all-natural medicine cabinet and fully stocked kitchen of organic whole foods and supplements. She also works out every day.

I might be getting carried away…but maybe not. You tell me.

There’s probably someone out there doing at least one of those things better than you. When you’re unable to keep up with that standard, does it make you feel…out of balance?

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The Need to Compare

Hopefully you’re aware that comparison with other humans rarely ends well, and that this wife/mother/homemaker journey (and life in general) is a grace-filled path. So you know that, of course, no one is expecting you to be perfect.

Coming from a thoroughbred perfectionist, Ennegream 1 to the core, let me tell you: that mental shift towards grace is waaaaay easier said than done. I think many of us are drawn toward a standard to live up to. It’s kind of the way we’re wired.

What if there was a better role model than our puffed up view of our neighbor about how to be a realistically balanced woman? Maybe someone biblical?

Enter: Proverbs 31 woman.

Now, if you’re about to click away because that notorious chapter of Proverbs makes you feel inadequate and bad about yourself, then I want you to go ahead and click over to 10 Myths About the Proverbs 31 Woman and get those notions out of your head.

You good? Okay, let’s talk about her.

I personally don’t believe she was a literal living and breathing person; it’s more helpful to think about the principles her character upheld, as is true with the rest of the book of Proverbs. So what principles can we learn from her about how to live with this concept of balance, as we understand it in modern times?

I found five principles from the verses in Proverbs 31 that I think are very helpful in instructing us to shift our priorities and live more balanced lives as moms. Spoiler alert: if you’re looking for a quick-fix list of things to do differently, you might be disappointed. Proverbs 31 has a lot more to do with growing your character rather than hitting all the marks.

1. Fearing the Lord

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (v. 30).

Hopefully this isn’t surprising to you: the foundation of a well-balanced life is a trusting relationship with God. The phrase “fears the Lord” can sound a little strange to modern ears, because we don’t want to be living under this sense of dread.

Think of it this way: do you like the sun? Of course you do; it brings life to everything around you and makes you feel warm. Yet if you’re smart, you also know to respect it. Don’t stare at it with the naked eye. Don’t hang out it its rays all day long. Appreciate its power, and enjoy its gifts.

In the same way, the woman who fears the Lord is respectfully aware of him as the one who gives all things. She laughs at the days to come (v. 25) because she knows that God is watching over each one. She doesn’t worry about being perfect because she doesn’t have to be.

We do things like devotionals and memorizing scripture because they remind us of this, not because we need to check them off our good girl checklist.

2. Prioritizing Your Marriage

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life (v. 11–12).

Unless you’re a single mom, your marriage should be ranking pretty high when it comes to balancing your everyday priorities. I know that’s easier said than done. It also takes two to tango; the Proverbs 31 husband seems to be pouring all his love on her if he has full confidence in her and praises her highly.

There aren’t a lot of practical suggestions in these verses about how husbands and wives love each other; the point is that they simply do it. And personally, I believe that having a strong, unified marriage is one of the best things you can do for your family and home.

Far too often, it’s easy for the marriage relationship to fall between the cracks and only get attention when in crisis. Need some advice for making this happen? Check out Fighting for Your Marriage: 3 Tips for Busy and Exhausted Couples.

3. Intentionality with Homemaking

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness (v. 27, see also 13–19).

Homemaking is a very broad topic and often the one that causes moms the most grief. Running a home well is a full time job and then some, and for most of us this is the area that can slip up when life gets overwhelming.

What’s interesting about these verses is that the woman is also running a business from her home. She probably doesn’t have time to fuss over the Pinterest-perfect birthday party because she’s attending to customers, on top of her other daily responsibilities.

How does she make it work? She’s very intentional with the way she spends her time and focuses on what’s most important.

That lesson has been one of the hardest for me to learn as a homemaker, yet one of the most powerful. With good planning and intentionality I can cut out the idle tasks that don’t matter, be efficient with my time and even delegate the tasks I don’t need to do myself.

Wondering where to get started with such a monumental mind shift? Try setting some goals: 5 Grace-Filled Goal-Setting Hacks for the Lazy Mom.

4. Treating Yourself with Dignity

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come (v. 25)

As moms, we like to beat ourselves up. Not only do we not meet up to impossible expectations, but we don’t treat ourselves with enough dignity that we ever could.

As I discussed in Proverbs 31 myths, you might think that to be a great wife/mom/homemaker you need to constantly sacrifice sleep and rest, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. This idea that you have to run around like a crazy person to get everything done is a false modern expectation.

At the time Proverbs 31 was written, a godly woman would have followed the Sabbath, meaning she had at least one day a week to do absolutely no work. She also wouldn’t have had the constant bombardment of false light and electronics stimulating her body and mind to the point of mental and physical exhaustion every day. Life was much slower.

I don’t know that it’s helpful to wistfully long for the “slower” days, but I think there is value in simplifying life and choosing rest instead of busyness.

Check out some resources I’ve pulled together in this self-care toolkit to help you understand how to prioritize biblical self-care.

5. Generosity

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy (v. 20).

I know, this is one of those “should do” items that tends to slip. How in the world do we fit in generosity when life is already bursting at the seams?

Personally, I think the trick is not to add one more thing to your to-do list, but rather be smarter about how to incorporate sharing with those in need (including sharing the gospel). You’re already going to be eating; invite someone over during a family meal. Make an extra large batch of soup so you can take the extra to your neighbor with the newborn. Include gifts for families in need in your Christmas budget and have your kids wrap them with you.

I’ve never regretted time and energy spent on giving outside of my family, because it simultaneously fills me up. When I look at the Proverbs 31 woman, it seems that generosity was a part of her character and lifestyle, not just something she checked off her list periodically to feel good.

Balance and Proverbs 31: the Modern Takeaway

Modern women can find a lot of takeaways about living with balance from the Proverbs 31 woman. What makes her ideal is not because she “does it all” but rather her character.

Did you catch that? The key to “balance” is working on growing your character. Specifically in the areas of:

Loving God
Loving your husband
Being intentional with how you spend your time
Choosing rest
Loving others

I bet if you worked on growth (not perfection) in these areas, you’d feel a lot less frazzled.

If you enjoyed this study, be sure to check out my seven-day Proverbs 31 devotional, Woman of Strength.

Your turn: what do you have trouble balancing in your life? What could you learn from Proverbs 31 that could help that?

To the Mom in Survival Mode: You’re Stronger Than You Think

March 28, 2018 by Gina Poirier 16 Comments

Dear mom in survival mode,

I know you. Some days you like to wear sunglasses so no one can see those red, puffy eyes.

Maybe you were crying on the way to your kid’s soccer game because you just couldn’t take it that morning. You slept in, the kids fought, you were running late. At least in the car you could turn up the music, take a few deep breaths, release those tears so that you could pull yourself together.

Maybe you got so little sleep last night that you’re not even sure whether it’s safe for you to drive. You were up all night with the baby. Or with the sick kid. Or with your worries.

Maybe you’ve got the kid with all of the “issues.” Health issues. Behavior issues. Issues that no one seems to understand. Your family can’t do normal things because your child simply can’t handle it. You’re exhausted from the appointments with the specialists. You wonder about who’s passing judgment.

Maybe you’re the one with all of the “issues.” Physical issues. Mental health issues. You know you need to take care of yourself but there are so many needs that come before your own. You can’t get rest when there are mouths that need sandwiches and scraped knees that need bandaging.

Maybe you’re wondering about your marriage. How you got to be just roommates, or why you keep having the same fight over and over and over.

Maybe you’re worried about your best friend, or your sister. She texts you late at night about the years-long fight she’s having with her husband. Is she crazy? She asks you. She’s scared. Should she leave him? You’re at a loss for helpful advice.

Maybe you’re the one in a years-long fight. With your husband, your mother, your sibling.

Maybe you’re looking around your house, wondering when it’s ever going to be clean, or when that remodel is ever going to be done, or when you’ll finally be unpacked from the move that was many months ago. You don’t have the time or energy to work on it, and yet you push. Push. Push yourself.

Maybe your child is going through a tough phase. They’re making shocking decisions. They know better than that. But they’re becoming their own people, and you have to let them fall. It’s terrifying.

Maybe you’re grieving. You’re numb one minute, sobbing the next. Everyone wants to help and is worried about you, but there’s nothing they can do to return what was lost. You are finding healing, but there are moments when the wound is just raw all over again.

Maybe your workload is suffocating you, whether it’s your job, your side projects, or facilitating your kids’ education and activities. Some days you look at your schedule and you feel like you can conquer the world. Other days, you just want to toss your planner across the room. (Or maybe you can’t even find it or haven’t used it in weeks. Or ever.)

Maybe someone you care about deeply is hurting. That friend who can’t get pregnant, the one who lost a child, the one who’s stumbling through a divorce, the one who is battling cancer. You desperately want to be there for them but you’re not even sure how to begin to help.

Maybe you’re stressed about your cash flow. There are days when you wonder when you’ll ever feel like you have enough. Enough to pay the bills, enough to tuck into savings, enough to throw a good birthday party, enough for that surprise expense you know you should have planned for better.

You relish in those moments when you can just get away. To go out with your girlfriends, your husband, or just be by yourself. You feel guilty from wanting to escape your kids so badly, yet at the same time you know it’s exactly what you need.

You feel guilty. Your life isn’t so bad, you remind yourself. There are many others who are suffering so much more than you. You grasp for joy and gratitude, you pray, you lean into your faith. You do everything right. And yet you have a lot of days when you need to hide those puffy eyes behind your sunglasses.

You’re tired. Really tired.

Let me tell you something, sister.

You are a phenomenal person. Yes, you.

You work so hard. And no one really understands all the crazy little details that go into a single day in your unique situation, and probably never will. Even when you’re relaxing, your mind is always churning, worrying, planning.

And do you know why?

Because you love these people. You adore your kids and your spouse, even when they make you absolutely bonkers. You’re crazy about your friends, your parents, your siblings. You’d go to the moon and back for them, even if you’re infuriated with them.

You do holy work. All. The. Time.

Of course you’re exhausted. Because even though everyone tells you that you need a break, this job of loving never stops.

Yes you need to take care of yourself, so go do that. Go get that manicure, splurge on the latte, bring home that bottle of wine for Tuesday night. But you know as well as I do that you’re going to go right back to it all: pouring yourself out for everyone, day and night, until you literally have nothing left to give.

That’s just the way it is.

Be proud of yourself, friend. You are a warrior, a woman of strength; you are going to get wounded. But you’re going to be okay.

If you have faith, continue to cling to it. And someday, when those babies have babies who have babies, you’ll get to look back and know that it all mattered. Every tear, every sleepless night.

You got this.

:::

Need a break that will fill you up? Let me help you. Click below for a checklist and life-giving strategies.